Update from me

Wow, thanks Ian.  I think you're right about the magic 15-18 years, although with one of mine, he started around 13.

See, I've met Mary in person.  She's a sweet, kind, & gentle woman that has a heart bigger than the Grand Canyon.  (yes, you are, Mary...lol)  And she's overcome a lot to get to where she is today.  Ain't no bratty loud mouthed kid gonna take her down now!!  And if he thinks SHE'S a mean mother, well, he ought to be glad I'M not his mom.  Example:

One of my sons, the bratty 13 yr old, decided it was fun to shoplift.  He was taking a martial arts class after school, while me & hubby were at work.  Right across the street from his class studio was a Best Buy.  That was his store of choice.  Well, the dear boy was forever not giving me the credit I was due in that I know every single thing he owns...mostly because it was ME that bought it for him...duuuuh.  So when I began noticing "things" showing up around the house, well, it was just logical deduction.  That & the fact that I would find the packaging all over the place.  I sat him down & gave him the usual lecture about the evils of stealing.  He continued to shoplift & was getting away with it.  So finally one day I called the store & spoke to the manager.  I gave him a full description of my son, his name, our address, & my work number.  I told him to keep an eye out for him because the kid was ripping him off blind!!  I told him that WHEN he catches my son in the act, that he's to make 2 phone calls...one to the police, & one to me at work so I'll know where to find the body.  That night, after dinner, hubby & I sat him & his brother down, & I told the boy what I'd done.  (had his brother there just so he'd know what was in store for him in case he had some notion to follow in big brother's footsteps).  I told my boy about my conversation with the store manager.  Well, his eyes got as big as saucers & was SHOCKED that his own mother would rat him out!  (little known fact about me...I'm a former police officer)  I simply pointed out to him that he had a choice.  He could either STOP stealing, or he would pay the price & that we don't have money for bail.  That simple.  Stop stealing & live the good life at home with all the freedom of a happy teenager, or keep stealing & go to jail where he has NO freedom & gets to live miserably with a bunch of thugs who would rather beat the crap out of him as to look at him.  It was his choice.  I am happy to report that my son is smarter than he thought & he ended his crime spree.

Something to remember when raising sons.  They are miniature MEN.  Men are very visually oriented or sometimes you need to smack up side the head with a hammer (figuratively, of course).  So that's why I took such drastic steps...it drove the point across.  And when that same bratt kid, at 16, decided he was grown enough to live on his own, I said ok...get out!  The only thing he was allowed to take with him was the clothes on his back.  He spent the night, in the cold, beside a closed up bank.  He came home the next day, quite humble & apologetic.  Said he NEVER wanted to live like a homeless person.  Of course, I didn't sleep a wink the whole night, worried about where he was, or if he was safe.  But as hard as it was on us both, it needed to be done.

I always told my sons that I am NOT their friend...I am their parent.  They have lots of friends, but they only have 2 parents.  Their friends will never go through or do what a parent with go through or do.  We will become friends when they are grown, productive members of the adult world.  In the meantime, I only have a few short years to teach them all that I can before society deems them adults & makes them accountable on an adult level.  Don't get me wrong...I made a point of LISTENING to what they had to say, so long as it was presented in a respectfull manner.  And sometimes they're ideas were spot on, but the bottom line was the final decision was mine & their dad's.  No divide & conquer either.  I'm not professing to have been the perfect parent.  There's no such thing.  But I DO know that I worked my butt off to make sure I stayed at least 3 steps ahead of them, that I knew who they were hanging around with, where they were going, when they were due back, etc.  And there were many times when I'd wished I had my tubes tied before I had kids...lol.

Now I'm moving into the next parenting adventure...how to communicate with a grown child.  My youngest is a new home owner & about to be married.  That's a whole new world!!  So the parenting never ends...it just takes on new meaning & adjustments.

Wow, I sure as heck didn't mean to write a book here.  Sorry if I've bored you all.  I guess I feel pretty passionate about some things, this being one of them.  Bottom line, Mary...you can only do the best you can.  You have good instincts...don't 2nd guess.  And just keep in mind who's the parent & who's the kid.  You keep going on those walks, & like Tammy, cry, scream, vent, throw stuff...whatever it takes.  It's worth the effort, believe me.

I have decided that teenage boys are put on this earth to test our mettle as mothers -- and boy, do they test it.  (Believe me, I know first hand!)

I wish you all of the best with things, and want you to know if you need a shoulder or an ear, I am here.  I am glad to hear you are taking care of yourself through all of this -- it is so easy to fall back into old habits, but you are making yourself a priority and that is PERFECT! 

Please let me know what I can do to help!