Cold feet

i am being plagued by doubts. i feel like i have too much pressure on me to succeed. my parents are paying for me and they keep telling me that i am going to fail and that i just need to buy a car instead and go to weigh****chers. that i am going to waste the money they gave me. i am so stressed out.  i don't know what to do.

Cold feet is a normal thing!  I think most, if not all of us have had that feeling.  I can not speak much on a lap band since I had RNY but I do know you typically lose a lot slower with a band.  Just do this for yourself and no one else, no matter who is paying, and then you will not disappoint anyone!  You only have to live up to your own expectations.

Don't listen to them!! My parents were the same way they told me I never stick to a diet and this wouldn't be any different. I even started to believe them about 3 weeks ago as I haven't lost any weight in a month. But I looked at it and saw I have lost over 50lbs since October and I have never been able to lose that much in my life!! Parents say those things cause they are scared themselves and don't truly understand the surgery. Involve them in your process so they can be educated too. Good Luck!!  This has to be your decision not anyone elses... its your body!!

Ditto on the cold feet syndrome beingtypical and normal.  Parent pressure (outsiders claiming to be your friends but don't understand) sad but also typical. Taking care of you or getting a car,....example of maybe why you have the weight problem you have,  do what I want and you can have a treat school of parenting.  I'm gulity too.

You may be able to lose the weight without the band but it is harder.  With RNY, you'd had a smaller pouch so you won't have physical hunger you will have with the band but you will have a restricted opening which will make getting food in more difficult, which haelps discourage overeating, and just plain eating in general.

Buying a car versus having lap band,....the car won't be much good if you can't get in and out.  I use to drive a van because it is all I fit in.  (I got stuck in the backseat of a 4 door Taurus once on a business trip with 3 others from work; that was embarassing!).  I have a old truck for hauling weekend warrior project junk and with the seat all the way back, my gut rubbed the steering wheel so bad I had marks on my shirts.  Since WLS and 184 lbs, I drive a VW passat and had to move the truck seat up.

Nothing tastes as good as being thin.

Hope that helps.  Stay close and look at all the before and after pictures on this website.  Checkout the people's profile pages and read their stories and look at their pictures.  SUre there are the few that have some complications, but the vast majority do not.  And a really large majority only have one regret,....that we didn't do this sooner.  If I can be successful at this,...so can you.

Joe
wjoegreen

Sweetheart I understand how you feel and let me tell you do this for you not your parents. They are scared for you and trying to make you change your mind do not let them do that. I am so proud of my daughter for having it done at first I was scared and when I saw how well she did. I found that it was a life saver for her and would never second guess her again. Go and check out kittykats profile or tam's they both have done great as well as some of the others kittykat is my daughter.

I am also a self-pay by way of my parents. However, in my case, my dad offered to do it for me, having seen how well my sister had done (hers was paid by her insurance, my insurance didn't (and still doesn't, *******s) carry the rider).

The line in your note about pressure to succeed really struck me, too. As a self-pay, and especially since *I* didn't pay for it myself, but my folks did, I feel like I have more pressure than the average WLS patient to maintain. I guess in my mind, if some no-name, no-face insurance company paid for it, then it's more okay to screw it up, but since my parents paid for it, I have to face them should I begin regaining weight, or otherwise fail at this.

Like Joe said, getting a car is not going to do you any favors if you can't get into it. Wait for the car. Take the bus. WLS, be it band or RNY (though my experience is only with gastric bypass) is worth more than a car's weight in gold.

Honestly, you might even be better off WITHOUT the car anyhow, since it forces you to walk around and exercise more during those first crucial months. I swear that it was me not having transportation that caused me to do as well as I have.

Best of luck!

Julie

I want to thank all of you so much for being understanding and listening. I can't begin to tell you how much i appreciate it. it does sound ridiculous when you compare a car and wls. i don't get out of the house much except to go to the dr's so it's a big deal for me. i do realize that my parents are scared for me but i also recognize the damaging effects of some of their behavior too.

It really must be very stressful with so much pressure on you to succeed. There are people who do well with the band but there are those who do not--both shorterm and longterm. Some patients don't realize until after surgery how expensive fills/unfills will be.  One thing I would recommend is to research all your surgical options. There are options available that research shows to be more successful longterm than the lapband--DS and RNY for example.

As the others have said, cold feet is not unusual -- regardless of how you are paying for the WLS.  

That said, you need to go into this absolutely committed to what you are doing -- to making it work.  Whether you go with lapband, RNY or any of the other types of surgeries, you need to remember (as do your relatives and friends) that the surgery is a "tool" to weight loss -- it is not a miracle cure.  You will lose the weight and keep it off IF  you follow the rules, as they say, and stick to them, even after getting the weight off. 

I am not going to tell you one surgery type is better than another.  It is a personal decision that you need to make based on what your needs are.  I know people who have been very successful with lapband as well as RNY and VSG.  Research the various types, and go with what works best for you.

The car -- a nice thing to have, but honestly, without good health, the car will make no difference in your life.  Joe's stories really say it all.  It sounds to me like your parents are concerned for you, which is perfectly understandable.  It will help them to be informed about the surgery -- point them in the directions you took to research it and that may prove to be a comfort to them.

Hang in there, and know that you have a lot of people on the Board who are here to listen and bounce ideas off of.  Best of luck to you!  :)

Oh sweetie! I am so sorry that they are being so negative. My dad was very negative towards the surgery because he said he did not want to bury a child. I am alive and he still claims to be right! So be prepared for that. Just make sure you have completely investigated your doctor and surgery type. It IS a huge decision. Complications can happen. That is why they are scared. Most of the time we come out just fine. Good luck!