Divorce after weight loss

I was just wondering how many other people have had their spouse divorce them after they had WLS.  I had RNY gastric bypass in Oct 2006 and lost about 80 pounds (I weighed about 250 before surgery).  For my surgery anniversary this year, my husband informed me that he wanted a divorce.  I've lost another 25 since then--I'm now down to about 145 lb.  I've moved my only child out of state and I've moved out of my house into a one-bedroom apartment that I'm sharing with a co-worker/friend of mine. 

I know that I am an intelligent, attractive person but I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me that my husband of 23 years, who is overweight, smokes, has type-2 diabetes, and refuses to either eat right or exercise doesn't want me. 

I do not have any experience with your situation but I can tell you maybe it is not about what is wrong with you and more so about what he does not want to change or is not strong enough to change for his health.  I wish you all the luck and am here if you would like to talk. 

Thank you Tammy.  I appreciate your help.  I know that it is not all about me--believe me, I am not that arrogant.  What I am is feeling very alone, rejected, and confused.  I actually knew the marriage was over for awhile but was trying to save it.  I did everything I could think of but it didn't do any good.  I don't love him any more (I don't think I have for awhile now) but I didn't have the guts to call it quits because I thought he loved and needed me.  I never really expected it to end because we had been through hard times before and always worked our way through it.  I didn't want to thow away 23 years and I never expected him to.

Have I whined enough yet? 

You are not whining and what you are feeling is 100% natural.  I can imagine that you do not want to throw out 23 years...but I am sure this did not happen overnught.  It will get better...maybe suggest counseling to him as a couple?

Not a chance.  I don't want to anyway.  He rejected me and I don't forgive.  He did it to me once before when we had been married for 7 months.  I forgave him but warned him if he ever did again that there would never be another chance.  I know it is a character weakness on my part but he is the only person in my life that I ever had hurt me that profoundly and that I gave a second chance to.  I thought he was my best friend and he tore my heart out.  Everyone who knows me knows that I can't forgive this.

I have already moved out and, as far as I know, he had already filed.  He told me that just as soon as I moved out he would file.  He kept telling me that I didn't have to move out but in the next breath, he would let me know how eager he was for both our daughter and I to move out.  I moved my furniture out last weekend and I'll get my boxes out next weekend.  I'm moving out of state just as soon as I can.

so sorry for what you and your child are going through.  i'll keep you in my prayers.  lys

I am so sorry you have had to go through this.  I wish I could offer some wonderful, enlightening information/advice that would explain it all, but I just don't have any.  Please know that you and your child are in my thoughts and prayers.  Stay strong.

Good am,

You mention "knowing the marriage was over for a while but tried everything to save it." :) Been there, done that. In MY situation WLS didn't cause my divorce. The relationship was toxic/falling apart before I had WLS. Red flags galore but I chose to forge ahead, fight the good fight and give it everything even in the end when there were so many outside forces working against us I tried to preserve it all. I won't say anything negative about him because we both have since built a civil relationship between ourselves.

I found that the issues we had were there before WLS and became more obvious after WLS. After having WLS I can say it made me grow a back bone and admit things to myself I'd been overlooking. Its not easy when the core relationship is breaking down and you need support and understanding and bluntly friends and family to be there regardless of their feelings on the matter. The feeling alone and rejected .... that's very real. I highly suggest you seek counseling for yourself. Its meant a great deal to me and for me.

PM here and we can certainly talk more. I'm here for you.

Hi...I had gastric bypass surgery 7 years ago and my ex did the same a year later. We are also divorced. Thought it would never happen to me. Not sure why it did still. Or if it even had anything to do with the surgery. I dont think I changed but I know how people viewed me changed. Very hard to explain. Good luck.
Amy

I agree with both of you.  I believe that my WLS did not cause the divorce but that it was caused by underlying problems.  Also, I knew there were problems for a long time but I chose to not see them--instead I tried to work on those problems.  We'd been through hard times before, who hasn't?  I just never thought we would reject me and our daughter so thoroughly.  I finished moving my things out of the house today.  There is no trace of me left in our bedroom and the only trace of our daughter is her senior photo in the living room.  Even though I don't love him anymore and haven't for a long time, it still hurts so deeply to be thrown out like a piece of garbage.

I know that I need counseling.  I have talked to a counselor provided by my job.  I know that I'll be okay.  I just need time to heal and I need to go home.  Thank you all for your support and helpful words.