OT Advice needed!

Tam
on 1/12/09 1:18 am, edited 1/12/09 1:27 am - Richmond, VA

Please don't flame me for this but I am coming to my other family to get advice. Steve say's he will support me no matter what I decide...and he always has but I am on the fence on this one.

It involves my baby shower and my mother-in-law. Part of me wants her there since this will be her grandchild and her first biological granddayghter but the other part of me wants to exclude her since she ignores my daughter (Steve's stepdaughter and the only daddy she has ever known!) and totally ignored her birthday back in December. She did send her a Christmas gift...a gift card for Outback Steakhouse. I get frustrated because she does not treat my child equally even though Steve calls her HIS daughter.

I just want some honest opinions and feedback so I can make a decision. Thanks for the help!

~~Theresa Marie~~
on 1/12/09 1:30 am - Closing in on SkinnyVille, VA

RNY on 04/30/08

I can so relate. My mother married my father, (the only father I've ever known) when I was 3. I never knew my biological father. His parents never really accepted the marriage or my mother or my brother and me. At birthdays, my brother and I would never receive gifts, we found out in adulthood that the gifts that were given to us "from" her were bought by our parents so we wouldn't notice. But my step sister, her natural granddaughter was always given nice things. Christmas was the same thing, she'd get great gifts, and my brother & I would get cards. A few years later, his mother gave him an ultimatum. She made him choose between the family he was born into or the family he made. He didn't speak to her for 20 yrs or so. Not until his father was dying and it was his wish to have them make up. She wanted to be remembered as the loving wife and mother. I always remained nice, but remembered how I was treated. Even at the funeral of my grandfather, she made reference that she only had 2 granddaughters, including me, it should have been 3.

It's a hard situation and hurts everyone involved. I don't really know what the point of my rambling was other than to say... You have to do what you feel is best for you. The baby shower is all about you and Claire and welcoming her into your family. Maybe talk with Kara. See what she thinks of the situation, since you already know you have Steve's support no matter what.

I wish you didn't have to go through this and my heart breaks for Kara. I know, regardless, it does hurt. I hope your baby shower is wonderful with or without her. Just know that the ones that mean the most to you, will, of course, be there.

Theresa Marie
Lap RNY - April 30, 2008
Open heart surgery (mitral valve repair & MAZE) - April 13, 2009
356/297.5/152.5/170/150 - consult/surgery morn/now/dr goal/my goal
Skinnyville is NO longer miles away... It's a mere walk to the corner!!
Facebook me @ Theresa Marie Lehman

Tam
on 1/12/09 2:12 am - Richmond, VA

RNY on 04/25/05

Thank you for your honesty. It does make me feel different knowing someone who has gone thru this personally. I have never beenthere although with my family it is sort of similar...they all treat my brother and sisters better than me because I grew up with my father and even though my father adopted all of them...they did not have their biological father around. Steve and I have not really spoken to her much in 9 years. Only at weddings and funerals and we have been to dinner twice. Once was me attempting to let her see what she is missing and once to tell her about Claire. I will never allow someone to treat Kara as an outsider or make her feel bad because Steve is not her biological father. He acts as though he were and she feels like he is. I have some thinking to do...but I am running out of time! I have never bought Kara things from her...but I have never sugar coated things for Kara, either. She knows that his mother is who she is and why we rarely talk to her. I will let ya know what I decide!

Tammy C

down 260+ pounds and loving life more than ever!!!
proud mom to Kara 12-08-1994 and our newest addition Claire Makenna born 03-26-09 weighing 6 lbs 13 ounces and 19.25 inches long and very healthy. happily dating...i honestly never knew it could be this good! there is that special Guy for everyone out there...either you already have him or you will find him when He is ready for it!

open RNY 04-25-2005

Life could not get any better than this!

~~Theresa Marie~~
on 1/12/09 11:26 am - Closing in on SkinnyVille, VA

RNY on 04/30/08

You are very welcome. You are a strong woman, Tammy and I have no doubt that you will do nothing less than make the best decision for you and the entire family. What ever you decide, you have everyone's support. Just do what is best for all involved and remember... less stress for you and Claire! Ooooh I just love referring to her by her name!

Theresa Marie
Lap RNY - April 30, 2008
Open heart surgery (mitral valve repair & MAZE) - April 13, 2009
356/297.5/152.5/170/150 - consult/surgery morn/now/dr goal/my goal
Skinnyville is NO longer miles away... It's a mere walk to the corner!!
Facebook me @ Theresa Marie Lehman

Tam
on 1/12/09 10:29 pm - Richmond, VA

RNY on 04/25/05

I love having folks refer to her by name, too. It took a while to officially announce because I was afraid we would want to change it...but after three months of saying it...we all still love it!

I have to do what is best for Kara at this point. She does not deserve this and I will not allow her to be slighted. I am going to post in a bit about what decision I made. Hope you are doing better!

Tammy C

down 260+ pounds and loving life more than ever!!!
proud mom to Kara 12-08-1994 and our newest addition Claire Makenna born 03-26-09 weighing 6 lbs 13 ounces and 19.25 inches long and very healthy. happily dating...i honestly never knew it could be this good! there is that special Guy for everyone out there...either you already have him or you will find him when He is ready for it!

open RNY 04-25-2005

Life could not get any better than this!

tommygirl
on 1/12/09 2:02 am

This is a hard decision for you my dear, follow your heart. Now this is just me, I would invite her and when the new ones comes I would let her know that she has another granddaughter and if she can't treat her right then she doesn't have to do anything for Claire either. Make it known to her that you get upset with the way she treats your daughter and you aren't going to stand for any more of her mess. Put your foot down and make it known. This woman needs prayer, for anyone to treat someone like that needs a good dose of Jesus's love.
I will be praying for you.
Love ya,
Betty

Kitty Kat
on 1/12/09 2:14 am - Richmond, VA

RNY on 01/29/03

I dig it! Shootin' from the hip! I'm chock full of that today. :) Good one Betty.

Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03

Blessed Momma to ♥ Kayla & Nora ♥

Sober since 25th Aug 07 www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com

Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.

Tam
on 1/12/09 2:15 am - Richmond, VA

RNY on 04/25/05

My heart tells me to invite her but my brain and part of my heart says to stand up for Kara. I have asked Kara and she says either way is fine with her. I have thought about calling her or writing her a letter and explaining how I feel. Funny thing...she left Steve's father for a preacher! I feel like God is pushing me to invite her...and I probably will...I just want both of my daughters to know that I will never play myself or allow anyone to play favorites with them. Even Steve agrees that Kara will always be treated equally to Claire!

Tammy C

down 260+ pounds and loving life more than ever!!!
proud mom to Kara 12-08-1994 and our newest addition Claire Makenna born 03-26-09 weighing 6 lbs 13 ounces and 19.25 inches long and very healthy. happily dating...i honestly never knew it could be this good! there is that special Guy for everyone out there...either you already have him or you will find him when He is ready for it!

open RNY 04-25-2005

Life could not get any better than this!

Kitty Kat
on 1/12/09 2:05 am - Richmond, VA

RNY on 01/29/03

No reason for you to get flamed. :)

In my opinion, I think that it would be a wonderful opportunity to have her see the united front which is yourself, Kara, Steve & soon Claire. Its unforunate she doesn't include Kara in much/anything but that's her and her decision. I view this as her loss and not ya'lls. I also know its not for you & Steve's lack of trying. Its her choice(s). I can say I know first hand how this goes. I've dealt with this more than I care to share.

The shower is meant to be a day of pleasure, joy, fun, excitement and love. There is no room for negativity. Not even a frown. Its a joyous event and a celebration and strengthening/bonding of a family. You have to decide what is best WITH your family. Steve supports you. Both of you should sincerely talk about this with Kara. She's plently old enough to get what is happening. Kara calls Steve Daddy. That in itself speaks volumes. She should have a say in this as well.

In the end, it won't matter about the MIL's past with you and your family. Its the here & now & the future. I think that you already know your decision deep down. For me, I find when I ask questions sometimes its to reaffirm the answer I have already chosen. Do what you feel is right in your gut. Love you.

Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03

Blessed Momma to ♥ Kayla & Nora ♥

Sober since 25th Aug 07 www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com

Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.

Tam
on 1/12/09 2:51 am - Richmond, VA

RNY on 04/25/05

You know me so well! Deep down I want to invite her and give her another chance to make things right. Sometimes I get tired of trying but I do want my children to know their grandparents. They will never know Steve's father since he passed away many years ago and from the looks of it will not be seeing his boys anytime soon, either. I know that it is her loss and not ours. Steve has NEVER treated Kara as a step child...even from the beginning when we first started dating. It took me months to let Kara meet him and from the very first time he has treated her like his own. We all agree that our family has to be what comes first to each of us. We have discussed it with Kara and thankfully my parents make up for Steve's mother's short comings! It absolutely is her loss and not ours! One day I pray she wakes up and realized it. I am fairly sure she will be invited...but Steve will ask her to leave if she starts her crap...that I am positive of! Thanks for everything! Love you, too!

Tammy C

down 260+ pounds and loving life more than ever!!!
proud mom to Kara 12-08-1994 and our newest addition Claire Makenna born 03-26-09 weighing 6 lbs 13 ounces and 19.25 inches long and very healthy. happily dating...i honestly never knew it could be this good! there is that special Guy for everyone out there...either you already have him or you will find him when He is ready for it!

open RNY 04-25-2005

Life could not get any better than this!

OT Advice needed!

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OT Advice needed!