Have I crossed some imaginary line???

Rude people!!!

So I was standing in a line to have a CD signed last week. and this lady behind me kept wanting to talk to me. I'm a pretty shy person and wasn't very interested in a conversation, but she kept on about how much her mother was annoying her by showing her purses and such. I really didn't care. THEN an older lady came into the store using one of those electronic carts. The lady commented on how dangerous the can be...I did agree, but only in the wrong hands. then she says most people that use those things have nothing wrong with them except a ton of fat and they could use to walk instead. WHAT?!?!?!?!? I can not believe she said that. I know a few people use those who have back problems and the back problems unfortunatly lead to being overweight not the other way around. then I think wow I used those before when I was 1 week out of surgery after an open hysterectomy...I could never have shopped without it, but now I wonder did people think I was just using it because I was fat?

GEEZ...now I'm wondering why she though it okay to say these things to me? after all just a few short months ago I was 5'2" and almost 300lbs. I'm down to 239 and I tend to have a slender looking face so maybe she thought I was smaller under my big winter coat?

Oh and by the way she mentioned that she was an OR nurse!!!!!

Am I now subject to hearing fat jokes and the like because I will be considered "normal" or acceptable. I accepted that I would no longer belong to the sisterhood of the "big girls", but I don't want to be part of the mean girls.

Okay I vented now sorry it was so long, but it was an interesting experience and the first time I've been treated differently since my surgery...I'm not liking this!!!!

Christy,

Unfortunately that does happen from time to time but in my case it is the execption...not the norm!  I always make snide comments back when folks say things like that to me.  I know I am no longer a "big girl" but in my heart I will NEVER forget where I was before surgery.  I am not shy and will tell anyone that I have had it.  One thing I always make sure to do it look people in the eye...especially the overweight ones and the rude ones that I truly don't want to associate with.  But I know if I don't say something they will keep being ignorant and hurtful.  Maybe if I can embarress them then they will wisen up?  Not sure...but at least it makes me feel better!

It is a little startling when you realize that people don't see you the same as maybe you saw yourself or used to be yourself.  Criticism about weight is one of the worst forms of prejudice, mainly because even today people think it is okay to do.  It's an "accepted" form of prejudice.

I loved your calling it the sisterhood of big girls.  Honestly even after my loss so far, I will always be that person and probably always be sensitive to comments like this.  But you know what, there's nothing wrong with that.  I just know where I came from and how I don't want to go back.

Sorry you had to hear those comments, but continue to hold your head high like the classy woman that you are.  :)

Hi Christy,

Out of the mouths of others! I'll try and leave the majority of my opinion tucked neatly within the confines of my brain and will speak for myself here.

I will NEVER forget where I've been and where I am now. Regardless of my having had weight loss surgery and losing wonderful lbs I still keep reminders. I still see folks who at times I may reach out to and tell them my story. I still remind myself that this is a TOOL not the end all be all fix it all.

Personally I'm rarely if ever shocked by the things folks will say. Its interesting to me being judged as I have (as we all have for that matter) that sometimes saying nothing says it all. The truth reveals itself and folks either get it or they don't. I have honestly found that folks who tend to say things don't have a full understanding (the whole story) of the situation. I've also learned that folks tend to "talk about" things they don't care for within themselves.

Just remember to hold your head up high, respectfully reply to folks with honesty and back bone and thick skin is something you'll grow real quick. No apologies! I am almost positive we've ALL been where you were and will be again. We have to be positive and think positive but also know that its ok to feel/be angry. Just turn that anger into determination and remember ignorance is alive and well but we don't have to play that role. "Kill 'em with kindness."

All best!

I love to observe people when their guard is down.  While I'm not suprised at what that lady said to you, I think I would have been just as appauled as you were.  Isn't it amazing the conclusions people can jump to?  Even though I've lost weight, I still have to use the electric carts because of my weak heart.  I LOOK normal, but I'm not.  I actually had a guy challenge my need for handicap parking because he observed me walk, upright, into the store.

Before I lost weight, I looked like I was about 7 months pregnant.  A stranger lady walked up to me, put both her hands on my belly & asked when I was due.  I looked her straight in the eye & told her "28 years ago!! Now take your hand off me...I don't know you!"

Sadly the truth is there are way too many unthinking, insensitive people in this world.  While it would be wonderful if we could educate everyone, unfortunately that's just not feasible.  Something about choosing your battles comes to mind.  You will know when the time is right for you to speak up.  It's all about your comfort zone.

And by the way...congrats on the weight loss!!

As Lauren said, one of the few "accepted" prejudices out there now is "fatness."  It is okay to judge, to make fun of, and to hurt those of us who have or have had weight issues.  Others will just smile or laugh to themselves as comments such as those are made.  As I am sure most others will agree, I have never found it "ok" to do this...even during the times when I wasn't overweight, and certainly don't now. 

I have had people make comments like this around me, not knowing where I have been, and I have actually made comments back to let them know that I don't agree with what they are saying and find it offensive.  I don't go into detail...not any of their business...but I think that people need to know that it is NOT okay to judge...PERIOD.

Maybe it is my age, stage of life or just all of the changes I have gone through over the last year of my life, but I don't tolerate that stuff any more.  I am not rude by any means, but I am not going to sit back and let people slam others just because they can get away with it.  It's not right.

I think that if more and more of us become less tolerant of it, maybe we can make a little shift in the thinking of the general public. 

I am sorry you had to listen to that, and sorry that Ann has to tolerate that nonsense.  What happened to people caring about others and doing things like offering to help rather than jumping to conclusions?

Geez....okay, off of my soap box.  Sorry!  :)

Just one more reason why I love this group...the diverse opinions, all with merit.  So don't ANYBODY appologize for standing on the soap box!  We all need to be heard.  Good job!!

From t he crude & unkind yes you will probably here that stuff because they won't think to guard themselves around you.  I sometimes have to remind people in my life that I don't appreciate those things, until they have lived it don't judge it.

Hi Christy,
  Unfortunately you were the sounding board for this insensitive person., even though she is a nurse.
  With recent knee surgery, I was using an electronic cart while grocery shopping. People look at me in different ways. Some people are helpful.
   Hopefully this won't happen to you often.
  CIndy