My One-Year Surgiversary
Sorry I haven't posted much here lately. Been caught up in other things, but wanted to stop by and notes where I am today.
I have always prided myself on my great sense of empathy. I think I have a decent sense of what others feel even if I cannot walk the proverbial mile in their actual shoes. And that is where I am going to start. My shoes. I need to get new shoes. My darned feet have shrunk. So I am hoping this little screed of thoughts will give you a glimpse into a layer or two of the onion I haven’t shared and will let you empathize a bit with me.
I have to say that I am really glad I was a little older when I finally changed my life. The natural reaction when you come back from the dead is to try to live your entire life in a day. With a little patience and perspective and age, I realize I have 50 or 60 years to do it all. Now that hasn’t stopped me from running until I bleed or planning to jump from a plane….but at least I am not doing it all in weekend.
I have spent my whole life fat. Even when I was in decent shape, I was fat. I remember being in high school and cutting weight to make 275 during wrestling season. I am the child of a morbidly obese mother of whom I was ashamed most of my life. We had a very rough relationship, and I kept my kids from her hoping to shield them from the pain of that way of life. Turns out I didn’t. I never made peace with her before she died and I am not sure still how I feel about that. All this seems so long ago….
One year ago today I changed my life. I was 406 lbs. It is still beyond my level of comprehension that I let myself get to that point. It is not like it happened all once. Creeped up a little bit after a divorce. Creeped up a little more after I hurt my knee. Probably could have worked out more. Maybe I wanted to. Who knows? Whatever the excuse was I just let it go.
Once you cross into a 2X shirt, it really isn’t that traumatic to make the leap into a 3x…before you know it you are a 5X. And you really don’t get how big that is….5 times the size of someone who is extra large. Again, perspective….but you let yourself forget it.
So in the last year I have lost more of me than I am. I was 199 lbs. this morning. I hadn’t been under 200 lbs. since the 6th grade. The 6th grade! So I sit here today at Thanksgiving and I want to thank every one of you who have touched me along the way. Some of you have touched me in ways you will never know and that I cannot fully articulate. But, here I am…
I guess I regret the things I let myself miss. I am sad that I found excuses not to do some things with my older son because I was fat, but I am thankful that I can now beat him in a 5k. I am glad that my daughter will never know the man I hated all these years.
So many of you have know my successes and seen my failures. You have seen me be funny and may not have known that I was doing that hoping that no one would notice me. Others of you saw through it. But I can say that I may not be everywhere I want to be today, but I am pretty good with it.
I have always prided myself on my great sense of empathy. I think I have a decent sense of what others feel even if I cannot walk the proverbial mile in their actual shoes. And that is where I am going to start. My shoes. I need to get new shoes. My darned feet have shrunk. So I am hoping this little screed of thoughts will give you a glimpse into a layer or two of the onion I haven’t shared and will let you empathize a bit with me.
I have to say that I am really glad I was a little older when I finally changed my life. The natural reaction when you come back from the dead is to try to live your entire life in a day. With a little patience and perspective and age, I realize I have 50 or 60 years to do it all. Now that hasn’t stopped me from running until I bleed or planning to jump from a plane….but at least I am not doing it all in weekend.
I have spent my whole life fat. Even when I was in decent shape, I was fat. I remember being in high school and cutting weight to make 275 during wrestling season. I am the child of a morbidly obese mother of whom I was ashamed most of my life. We had a very rough relationship, and I kept my kids from her hoping to shield them from the pain of that way of life. Turns out I didn’t. I never made peace with her before she died and I am not sure still how I feel about that. All this seems so long ago….
One year ago today I changed my life. I was 406 lbs. It is still beyond my level of comprehension that I let myself get to that point. It is not like it happened all once. Creeped up a little bit after a divorce. Creeped up a little more after I hurt my knee. Probably could have worked out more. Maybe I wanted to. Who knows? Whatever the excuse was I just let it go.
Once you cross into a 2X shirt, it really isn’t that traumatic to make the leap into a 3x…before you know it you are a 5X. And you really don’t get how big that is….5 times the size of someone who is extra large. Again, perspective….but you let yourself forget it.
So in the last year I have lost more of me than I am. I was 199 lbs. this morning. I hadn’t been under 200 lbs. since the 6th grade. The 6th grade! So I sit here today at Thanksgiving and I want to thank every one of you who have touched me along the way. Some of you have touched me in ways you will never know and that I cannot fully articulate. But, here I am…
I guess I regret the things I let myself miss. I am sad that I found excuses not to do some things with my older son because I was fat, but I am thankful that I can now beat him in a 5k. I am glad that my daughter will never know the man I hated all these years.
So many of you have know my successes and seen my failures. You have seen me be funny and may not have known that I was doing that hoping that no one would notice me. Others of you saw through it. But I can say that I may not be everywhere I want to be today, but I am pretty good with it.
Blair - what you have done for yourself is nothing short of amazing and I have watched you since presurgery. I think it is easy to empathise with you because we have all done things - or rather not done things because we were morbidly obese.
But the important thing is to recognize it and try to do something now that makes amends to the people you care about. We can never go back on time but we can try and make the future better. and by looking after our own health we are benefitting them for years to come...
It is hard to forgive ourselves for what we did or not do in the past, including how we treated some people or family members - but you need to do that Blair - because obesity is an illness and you were the victim of it..... and now you are in remission and hopefully will never fall foul of it again.......
You look fabulous Blair- allow yourself to enjoy your success!!
Happy Thanksgiving
Jackie
But the important thing is to recognize it and try to do something now that makes amends to the people you care about. We can never go back on time but we can try and make the future better. and by looking after our own health we are benefitting them for years to come...
It is hard to forgive ourselves for what we did or not do in the past, including how we treated some people or family members - but you need to do that Blair - because obesity is an illness and you were the victim of it..... and now you are in remission and hopefully will never fall foul of it again.......
You look fabulous Blair- allow yourself to enjoy your success!!
Happy Thanksgiving
Jackie
You look great, Blair. Please don't stay away from the board. I love your humor on here. We need a mans perspective at times also.
I thought I was crazy, but I've had to get new dress shoes. At church, 2 weeks ago, I could barely walk because my shoes kept flopping. It was embarassing.
You have done a great job.
I thought I was crazy, but I've had to get new dress shoes. At church, 2 weeks ago, I could barely walk because my shoes kept flopping. It was embarassing.
You have done a great job.
283/274/162
highest/surgery/current
Blair,
Sharing in your journey has been incredible! Happy surgiversary and here's to many many more! Your results are awesome!
p.s. You took my phrase! I'm hoping to do a "I've lost one of me" posts too. :)
p.p.s. When I hit the 100lb loss mark, I used to joke about having "lost an Olsen" (as in the Olsen twins). Well, my friend, you have lost TWO Olsen's!! So keep that in your box of perspective down the road. Imagine how hard life would be to strap two Olsen's to your back and carry on about life. YOU ROCK! :)
HUGS!
Sharing in your journey has been incredible! Happy surgiversary and here's to many many more! Your results are awesome!
p.s. You took my phrase! I'm hoping to do a "I've lost one of me" posts too. :)
p.p.s. When I hit the 100lb loss mark, I used to joke about having "lost an Olsen" (as in the Olsen twins). Well, my friend, you have lost TWO Olsen's!! So keep that in your box of perspective down the road. Imagine how hard life would be to strap two Olsen's to your back and carry on about life. YOU ROCK! :)
HUGS!
369/175/136
Highest Weight/Goal/Current Weight
233lbs LOST!!
Maintenance going strong!
WOW Blair, where to start...first off you look FABULOUS (I can tell you feel fabulous too). Welcome to ONEDERLAND (that is an awesome feat)! I too sometimes mourn what I have lost in my life (besides weight), and am trying to stop beating my self up as much. Please post more, we MISS YOU! also, you are a huge inspiration to me as well. Have a blessed Thanksgiving, and HAPPY SURGERVERSARY!!! lys
Congrads Road Warrior. A major milestone and a new perspective is excellent to have reaped in addition and simulateneous witth the acquisition of the new physique.
A new man inside and out. At 2 months past 2 yrs out,...I left my guard down and recognize some of the old lifestyle habits are trying to sneak back into my life, so beware and continue to hold the line to keep the new you. Nothing tastes as good as being thin.
You are a good example. Thanks for sharing and staying with us on the boards.
A new man inside and out. At 2 months past 2 yrs out,...I left my guard down and recognize some of the old lifestyle habits are trying to sneak back into my life, so beware and continue to hold the line to keep the new you. Nothing tastes as good as being thin.
You are a good example. Thanks for sharing and staying with us on the boards.
First and foremost, Blair, CONGRATULATIONS!
What you have done has been incredible, and I have considered it an honor to be a part of your journey to date. You have managed to keep it all in perspective, add a sense of humor to it, while being completely committed to the process. You are certainly a role model in our world of WLS. Your honesty and openness in your post is very touching. I think we all have things we would have liked to have done differently through our lives...the hardest part, I think, is recognizing what they are and not repeating them. You are certainly on the right track!
Again, congratulations! You look FAB-U-LOUS! :)
What you have done has been incredible, and I have considered it an honor to be a part of your journey to date. You have managed to keep it all in perspective, add a sense of humor to it, while being completely committed to the process. You are certainly a role model in our world of WLS. Your honesty and openness in your post is very touching. I think we all have things we would have liked to have done differently through our lives...the hardest part, I think, is recognizing what they are and not repeating them. You are certainly on the right track!
Again, congratulations! You look FAB-U-LOUS! :)
Blair....my running Buddy......
I am SO proud of you and what you have accomplished. Not only did you grab hold of the adventure with both hands, but you haven't let go!
Enjoy life to the fullest, as it was meant to be, and know that there is always someone here to share your success with, or help you when you doubt yourself. But, try not to look in the rearview mirror and instead, look ahead at a healthy future.
I am proud to consider you a friend and am looking forward to the Shamrock 8K (I won't be ready for a 1/2 by then.....no running until at least Jan 1st - UGH!). In fact, John and Patrick will be running it with me this year, along with my sisters, brother-in-law and niece. It will definately be a family event.
Enjoy your holiday, and thanks for the reminding me of what I have to be thankful for........
I am SO proud of you and what you have accomplished. Not only did you grab hold of the adventure with both hands, but you haven't let go!
Enjoy life to the fullest, as it was meant to be, and know that there is always someone here to share your success with, or help you when you doubt yourself. But, try not to look in the rearview mirror and instead, look ahead at a healthy future.
I am proud to consider you a friend and am looking forward to the Shamrock 8K (I won't be ready for a 1/2 by then.....no running until at least Jan 1st - UGH!). In fact, John and Patrick will be running it with me this year, along with my sisters, brother-in-law and niece. It will definately be a family event.
Enjoy your holiday, and thanks for the reminding me of what I have to be thankful for........
Certified Personal Trainer
"I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. if that makes me a bitch, okay." - Madonna
Beginning Weight: 265 Current Weight:143
So I run like a Girl....now keep up!
That's GREAT! I won't make the 1/2 simply because I'm down until January.
And FYI...I'm planning on the UKROPS 10K in April (I think that's when it was). That's in Richmond and is a GREAT run. LOT'S of fun. Had a blast with Joe. We should plan it!
And FYI...I'm planning on the UKROPS 10K in April (I think that's when it was). That's in Richmond and is a GREAT run. LOT'S of fun. Had a blast with Joe. We should plan it!
Certified Personal Trainer
"I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. if that makes me a bitch, okay." - Madonna
Beginning Weight: 265 Current Weight:143
So I run like a Girl....now keep up!