I'm Back Temporarily

First of all let me say thank you to everyone who was so supportive of me and my decision to leave boards for a bit. I had alot going on in my life and felt I was hindering myself by sitting on here everyday, all day.  So.... what was going on with me?

#1.             I fell into a state of depression that I felt I couldn't get out of. The reason for it was a couple reasons. I would sit here and read all the topics on the main board about people having surgery and feeling great, they are walking miles, shopping with friends, just enjoying life in general. And I? I was sitting here trying to figure out why I had to have problems. I mean seriously how many people go in to have RNY and wake up screaming in pain not from stomach hurting but their feet!!! How many are unable to walk on their own for the first 2 weeks and have to use a walker.. at the age of 34 with no limitations before surgery!!! I felt I had failed somehow at this whole "tool". So I did nothing, went nowhere, slept alot and stayed away from family and friends.

#2.           I swore I wouldn't let my hormones and emotions control me after surgery like I was told it would. Well I can't control them!! I am a "Control Freak"  and let me tell you I am losing control!! I use to be this nice person that didn't hurt anyones feelings or tried not to. I use to be so close to my husband we use to do everything together (when he wasn't working). Now? HAHA  I am a *****!! Excuse my language but there is no other way of putting it!! I yell and hollar about everything even stupid stuff. I tell my husband he is sufficating me and to leave me alone, I don't want to be intimate with him, I don't want to be bothered with anyones issues. My parents are seperated as well as my best friends  and my advice to the was " Oh well.. get over it"? WHO AM I? When will the old me come back I miss her!!

#3. I can't keep anything down.. No****er, proteins, vitamins, nor food. So of course I'm not getting what I need. I had a Barium Swallow done at Southside Regional Medical Center ( never will I go there again I won't take my worst enemy). Are people just stupid that work there? The "doctor" that was called in there told me I didn't have WLS. Excuse me? Umm  Yes I did!! She proceeds to show me the test results ( I am not a radiologist so have no idea what I'm lookng at but trusting her) she says the top of my stomach is full of air and the 30cc's of barium they gave me only fills less than an 1/8 of my stomach which means my stomach is not a gastric pouch it is full size. WHAT?!! How is that possible? So this is on last friday and I don't see my surgeon till this morning. He shows me the results on disc. The "air" in stomach... that is my old stomach  he then shows me my new stomach and the 30cc's of barium that only filled 1/8 of my stomach was my small bowel!!!!!  Are people really that STUPID?? Do they just give licenses to anyone now? So my problem with keeping stuff down? I'm intaking too much at a time. I wil be working on that starting today.


So this is what my life has been like.  Oh and to add to everything else going on? We were suppose to go to NC to the Outlets last weekend? We had to cancel. Here are the reasons: 1: My brakes went bad on my carTuesday.. had to get them replaced  2. my dryer died on Wednesday.. had to buy a new one     3. On thursday morning my husband had car accident with his car  had to put that in shop  4. Friday my car's ignition switch cylinder went in it  now getting that fixed....


WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!

Oh sweetie!  Welcome back!  I missed you.  I am sorry you have so much going on.  Call me anytime...leave me a message if you get my VM.  I will be out and about some this weekend.  Would you like to meet for a protein drink orcoffee?  I am always here!

I think most of us, if not all of us, fall into that depression state after surgery.  Some can handle it on their own, some need a therapist and some need meds.  It is NOTHING to be ashamed of.  I did not hit the door running on doing things post op...I was slow to getting into the exercising stuff.  I concentrated more on protein and vitamins and water.  It was a personal choice and one that I discussed with my surgeon.  Also try and remember that not everyone is truthful on here...they may or may not have been doing as much as they say.  Some folks feel the need to be the center of attention and always do better than they are in other peoples eyes.  You are in this for YOU...not anyone else.  I purposely stay off of the main board just for that reason.  I like being on a smaller forum where I know people and know who I can and can't believe and trust.  That is what works for me!

I know all about being a control freak...I am one, too.  No, you can not control this and it is very hard,  Your body has gone thru a lot and is still adjusting, too,  Be patient and hopefully hubby will as well.  It will come back...all of those feelings from before and then some.  Steve and I had a great relationship preop but since it has bloomed 1000 times over for the better!  These are NORMAL feelings.  Is there someone you can talk to?  If not...I am always here!

Sorry you had such a horrible time at SRMC.  I would not go there, either!  I stick strictly to St. Mary's where all of my records are and my surgeon, too.  Anytime I go to the ER they call the on-call doc from my group.  It is a long drive for you to come here for problems...but you may want to think about that.  I know you are glad to have an answer, finally.  Just measure your foods and you will be fine!

You have a lot going on but remember GOD ONLY GIVES US WHAT WE CAN HANDLE.  It may not seem like it at the time...but it all works out in the end...HE has a plan for us!

 

I am proud of you!

I have had depression for many years.  Fortunately, with medication I don't fall into the pit often now.  It is a horrible place to be.  I'm sorry that things are bad for you right now.

Isolation make things seem worse than they are.  (Voice of experience here)  Please try to post or call someone each day.

You are in my prayers.

Jeane 

I am so sorry you are going through so much. I totally understand the depression thing to well. I am actually going to go to see a therapist, might be good for you too. And the hormonal thing. UGH! I hate it. My  husband hates it even more. I will be praying things get better for you

Wow, when it rains it pours.  CHIN UP and mow through these obstacles.  Be determined and this will pass soon.  GOOD LUCK!

Sending you cyber((((hugs)))) and prayer.  lys

I am sorry you are having such a rough time on things.  I know I was a raging hormonal witch after my surgery.  I even yelled at my mom at the my girls recital after my surgery.  It just made me mad that everyone wants me to be understanding when they are going through hormonal changes or something, but didn't want to be understanding to my condition.  Which was freustrating.  They will cool off through soon.  You have to remember, fat holds onto estrogen, so when you loose massive weight quickly, massive estrogen is being pushed into you system.  Try getting some gorund flax seed and put it on your yougurt.  Flax seed has many benifits including hormonal.  It is a natural estrogen and it will level out your estrogen.