Ever feel lost? vent- pity party

Not sure how to describe it. I can't sleep. Not usually happy. Just going through the motions of life. I fight everyday to get better for my son, but without him I would have taken a bottle of pills months ago, and ended it. I just feel like I am never going to get better and I just don't know what to do. I just feel removed from everyone. My friends try to be there and support me, but I feel like nobody can really understand. Hell, I don't understand. I just don't know anymore. I just feel lost. I am just so tired of fighting this battle and "faking" being ok for my family, friends, job etc. I just don't want people to worry or feel sorry for me. Blah. Lots of blank thoughts, sorry. Just needed to vent. Thanks guys. I am going back to read what I am thankful for again.

thank you. I sent you a pm. I am going to lay down and just try to relax. I am in tears and just so tired of fighting for this. Good night everyone

Brooke, I am soooo proud of you for coming here & trusting us with your feelings.  That was a very brave thing to do.  It's also a clear sign that you really doh't want to end it...you just want to reach out for help.  As you well know, I, too, have been there.  As Theresa said, so have many others, so you are in good company.

I know what you mean about putting on the brave face for everyone else.  I do that all the time.  When you're used to being the giver, learning to be the receiver is foreign.  I agree with Theresa...please do call your surgeon's office.  They should be able to guide you in the right direction.  Maybe all you need is a mild anti-anxiety pill to help you through the rough spots.  But DO tell them that you've been feeling suicidal. 

Do keep coming here too.  Honey, we are all here for you.  You are our sister & we stand by our family.  You know that to be true because you, yourself, have been here for me MANY times.  So how could we do any less for  you.  We'll see you through this momentary crisis.

Big hugs to ya!!!

Brooke...

I have known that you have been feeling "down" for quite a while now and I am glad you are ready to come to us and talk.  I am here anytime...day or night for you.  If you ever want to go to the support group...I can meet you there!  Please call Dr. H and/or Jennine.  They are there to help.  You have a more unique situation that none of us on here can relate to.  Please don't give up...you know where your friends are.  I am around all weekend so let me know if you needa anything! I am just a phone call away!

Love you!

OMG Brooke! I am so sorry that you are going through this. I had no idea that you were struggling so much and now I feel so bad that I didn't meet up with you for the support group. I am pretty positive that every one of us has or is or will struggle with the gloomy gus and for some it is a bit more severe than for others. You have NOTHING to be sorry for. You have been to hell and back with what you are going through and have every reason in the world to question what you have done and why you did it. But it saddens me to read that things are so hard for you that you have thought about ending it.

What we have gone through is definitely difficult and while we do countless hours of research, looking for surgeons and deciding on the surgery type, nutrition and exercise post op, very little is ever discussed about the emotional toll that this surgery has on our bodies, not only physically but mentally as well. That has always been the one thing that I wished this process focused on a bit more. I am definitely not experienced enough to tell you what to do to make it better but have definitely felt some of the same things you are or have felt, and have and will go through some of the same things. I think maybe contacting Jeannine or Maya, (if she's back from maternity leave) and letting them know what you are feeling and going through. I am sure they can recommend someone for you to talk to, if you do not have someone in that area. There is nothing to be ashamed of for feeling what you are feeling. And talking to someone about everything is absolutely a smart thing to do. I am sure it will be very helpful. Venting and talking about things always makes me feel better. I also listen to TONS of music when I feel that way. Music, for me, seems to help sort my thoughts and cleanses the soul. I'm not saying it is the answer to everything or the solution to the problems but it helps. But talking to someone is something that I am sure will be helpful.

You just keep leaning on your friends and family. That's what they are there for and I am sure they would love to be able to support you through a difficult time in your life. You can not always be the giver or the helper. You have to take time for you, to fix you and things going on in your life so that you can be the great mother, wife, sister & daughter that you are! While you are being all of those people you have to remember to take some time for BROOKE! Do not feel guilty for making yourself come first sometimes.

Just know that you are not alone in this. I, like so many others from this board, are here for you. We are going to have to meet up sometime soon to give you the clothes that keep piling up and I'm here, if you ever need to talk, about this or just anything on your mind. Please let me know what the doctors office says. I am going to worry about you til I know that things are getting better. Remember to smile, especially when you think back on how far you have come! Love ya! & will write ya more on myspace!

Please check your PM's.

B rooke - check your PM.  we love you sweetie! lys

Thank you, thank you! I am feeling a little better today. I slept about 3 hours last night. Much better than the past week. I am just exhausted. Thank you for all the comments and pm's. They have meant the world to me. I do want y'all to know I would never do anything to hurt myself because of my son. Thank God for him. He is the main reason I had this surgery. To be a better mom and be able to play with him. I know one day I will be better, but its frustrating waiting for it. I am so happy I have my family here to come to. I don't want to stress people out. I am trying to focus on the good. I went on a nature walk this morning that really helped. I go to the surgeons on Monday and going to talk to Jeanine to see if meds can be changed. I have thought about talking to someone. But what would I say? I have the greatest family, support system and friends. I have a pretty good job and I am still sad. I don't know. I really don't. LOL. One day at a time. Thanks so much everyone. I am so blessed to have friends, more like family to me like you.

Sweetie like everyone has said we are here for you and want the best for you.If you need to talk just reach out and someone will be there for you. You have mail.