Update & explanation

Oh Ann!  I am sorry to hear about the cancer confirmation.  I know this must be hard on you and your whole family!  You do have more precendent things to take care of and we more then understand.  You and your family are the number one priority.

Sweety, you have never been one to sugar coat things.  And that is just one of your strongest and greatest aspects.  Don't let other people's preceptions or refusals to see what is true cloud your own preception of what great support you offer.  Not everyone is going to like the cold hard truth and want the sing and dance.  But hey, that is not your problem.  You are still very effective as a support person just like our conversation on Friday with the slap in my face saying wake up girl!! 

We love you and take care of yourself and your family.  If you need anything, I am just a phone call aways and hop, skip and jump down the road.

 

Love you mama Ann...

If you need anything....you know how to find me. You know I'm going through a patch myself (not nearly as life altering as yours), but I am willing to (try and) step outside of myself if you need me too....we'll get through this.

I am so sorry your family is going through this. Know that you can come here for support though. I will be praying for you and your family.

Thank you everyone for the welcome.. it's very overwhelming..lol  just kidding  I've been on OH for months but just recently learned how to get on this end. I know I'm a dork. I can find my way around Vista and any other software out there but can't figure OH out. 

Ann,

I was sad to read about your sister.  I can only imagine how difficult is must be for your family right now.   As the others have said already - you are part of the family here so don't stay away.  We are here to support each other and that doesn't just mean surgery related.  We all know that once you have WLS surgery your whole life changes and it effects every part of your life.

Please take care of yourself  so you can do all that I know you will want to for your sister.

To all of my sisters & brothers here, thank you for your outpouring of love & support.  I spoke to Cyndi this morning & even in her drugged stupor, she asked me to thank you all for your prayers & get well wishes.  She was very touched & reminded me of how lucky I am to have  you all in my life.

I guess the biggest thing I'm struggling with here lately is my lack of patience.  I suppose that stems from underlying anger.  Nobody to lash out at cuz there's nobody to blame.  Her being so drugged up, I can't get her to think straight enough to even tell me the name of her particular cancer so that I can research it.  Fighting to keep my patience with her even though she's making some bad decisions.  She's taking morphine & then getting into a car & driving her kid to & from school.  That's F'ing NUTS!!!  And she's focusing on everything negatively rather than seeking the positives.  I have to keep pulling myself back & reminding myself that she's nothing like ME.  I don't choose to take a passive role in my health care, but she does.  She's scared to death to question or challenge her medical team, even though I keep reminding her that anymore the medical profession has become very jaded...they forget that they are treating a person rather than just signs & symptoms.  They DON'T walk on water.  She's happier to just take a passive role & rely on their judgemet.  That makes me so darned mad!!  So even though I cover up my feelings when I'm on the phone with her, I nearly explode after I hang up.  I know why...it's because I'm not ready to give my sister up to the heavens yet...I want her to FIGHT & she's not.  She bounces back & forth between passive neurotic & martyr & it just MAKES ME CRAZY!!!  I want to reach through the phone & just shake her into reality.  I fight my own demons everyday & I expect nothing less of those that I love &/or care about.  It's not out of meanness, but out of genuine love & compassion.  I just cannot sit idly by & wait for her to die.  Theresa, if you are reading this, THAT is why I was so hard on you.  I want ALL of you to fight your demons.  And when you don't think you can fight anymore, I want to be there to kick you all in the pants & say YES YOU CAN!!  I feel very passionate about living the complete life & right or wrong, I just expect that from all that touch my life as well.  If that makes me a ***** well so be it.  Shoot me for caring so much.

So, again, this is why I'm not responding to ya'lls posts...because I'm not in a good place that will allow me to be gentle, or politically correct, or diplomatic, or whatever label anyone wants to put on it.  I'm in the angry mode & I recogize that.  I know that eventually that will go away as I become more accepting of the current situation.  Right now I just don't feel like I can contain my passion enough to be of help because as Melissa said, many don't want the non-sugar coated truth of things (directed at no one specific) & these past few weeks that's where I'm at.  I don't want any hurt feelings & I don't want to alienate myself from anyone because you're all too important to me.  Better to keep my mouth shut...as my Mom taught me...if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all.

Boy, I started out just wanting to say thank you & all of a sudden all this stuff spewed forth.  Sorry.