Speaking Out!
Well, I haven't been around here a lot for many reasons. I have been quiet because I have had things to deal with and not sure how to handle them and how I would be received here. But, when I read a post last eve. and the word 'failure' popped up I had to come here and post. The word FAILURE is a very strong word to use and I for one hate it because I use it on myself everyday! I'm almost 3 years out and I'm stuck at the same weight. Now, do I do things perfect? NO! Do I drink my water like I should? NO! So I do the protein like I should? NO! Do I exercise? I cannot like most of you do because of health issues. Would I like to? YES! But, because of cir****tances out of my control I feel like I'm failing myself.
Now, if I could and didn't, then I would have nobody to blame but me, but I have suffered silently this past year and I'm tired. The struggle has gotten to me totally and I just wish when people use some of these words they would think of the power they can have on someone else. Weight loss surgery has never been nor will it ever be easy and I know and knew this going into it but its hard feeling like your failing yourself and not being able to get any further while everyone else around you is doing great.
3 years ago I almost died and God gave me another chance with this tool. There are days now I feel like when I might not do the right things. WHAT are you doing Melinda? Why are you doing this or that? Why are you not eating what you know you should be. I pray please help me get through the days and make me see I'm not a FAILURE because I know I'm not! And, then when I have this sight to come to for support and see someone who needs to do something for themselves and their health and are afraid to do it because of a few pounds, it bothers me.
Try being 3 years out and still needing to loose another 100 pounds and struggle to get it off (that's my goal) though the Dr said 50 but that's not good enough for me. So I don't want anyone mad or upset. I just want people to be more cautious at the words they choose when posting here because there is more than just myself out here who have issues or that are still struggling. There are just little things that will turn that one new person away from here thinking oh wow maybe I don't want this or that. We have to be honest with ourselves and others yes because this surgery is not a bed of roses and there are so many issues that come up with the the procedures, some have medical issues some have the emotional issues and none are any fun. Ive seen both sides of them.
Right now I'm in need of some emotional support because I'm really having some major issues with the weight not going anywhere right now and fighting it for the year is long enough. Not being able to exercise like they want dosen't help much. I'm not out for pity or attention just pure 100% help and true guidance. Thanks for letting me vent.
Now, if I could and didn't, then I would have nobody to blame but me, but I have suffered silently this past year and I'm tired. The struggle has gotten to me totally and I just wish when people use some of these words they would think of the power they can have on someone else. Weight loss surgery has never been nor will it ever be easy and I know and knew this going into it but its hard feeling like your failing yourself and not being able to get any further while everyone else around you is doing great.
3 years ago I almost died and God gave me another chance with this tool. There are days now I feel like when I might not do the right things. WHAT are you doing Melinda? Why are you doing this or that? Why are you not eating what you know you should be. I pray please help me get through the days and make me see I'm not a FAILURE because I know I'm not! And, then when I have this sight to come to for support and see someone who needs to do something for themselves and their health and are afraid to do it because of a few pounds, it bothers me.
Try being 3 years out and still needing to loose another 100 pounds and struggle to get it off (that's my goal) though the Dr said 50 but that's not good enough for me. So I don't want anyone mad or upset. I just want people to be more cautious at the words they choose when posting here because there is more than just myself out here who have issues or that are still struggling. There are just little things that will turn that one new person away from here thinking oh wow maybe I don't want this or that. We have to be honest with ourselves and others yes because this surgery is not a bed of roses and there are so many issues that come up with the the procedures, some have medical issues some have the emotional issues and none are any fun. Ive seen both sides of them.
Right now I'm in need of some emotional support because I'm really having some major issues with the weight not going anywhere right now and fighting it for the year is long enough. Not being able to exercise like they want dosen't help much. I'm not out for pity or attention just pure 100% help and true guidance. Thanks for letting me vent.
OH Support Group Leader - [email protected]
Believing in yourself makes it so much easier in supporting those who need your friendship, love, and support,so Believe in yourself First.
Charlottesville, Virginia VA FFP's Meet's every 4th Sat.
We are all struggling and do know where you are coming from. I know as I go to surgery on Tuesday, I am struggling with is this going to work and am I truly committed to following the
plan.. and sticking to it.
The one thing I DO know is I need help.... Cudos to you for re-affirming that you too need help.
Thank you for discussing what we all feel. Hey how about we all have a sip of water on this!
We can do it !!
XXOO Caroline
plan.. and sticking to it.
The one thing I DO know is I need help.... Cudos to you for re-affirming that you too need help.
Thank you for discussing what we all feel. Hey how about we all have a sip of water on this!
We can do it !!
XXOO Caroline
lost 140 lbs
Extended TT 12/072009 Plastic Surgeon Mitchell Krieger
Hey Melinda! Thanks for speaking out and posting. It takes a lot of strength to do so especially with the things you've been facing. I, like you, have a really hard time reaching out for help and accepting it when its offered. Just how I'm built I suppose.
First, please know you are not alone. Next, you're an incredibly important person in my life and I really value our connection. Then, not a single person here does everything they are supposed to. Its human nature to falter from time to time. But, each day we get up and try to make better choices than the day before.
Some of us have things going on in our lives that do hinder us from doing what some other may as far as exercising and being as active as we'd like. It doesn't mean we're a failure. It simply means we've got to find new activities that fit our limitations. Sometimes we have to push our limitations as well. We have to strive to try more and remember that we'll have set backs but we TRY and that's a big deal.
When you & I and others had our surgeries things weren't communicated to us as they are these days. Even if others before us who went through this indicated things a lot just wasn't widely known and discussed. Its the day and age where thank the Lord we've got tools such as this message board, support groups, the internet, etc to research and work for better understanding TOGETHER.
I agree whole heartedly we need to be honest with ourselves and each other in these journeys. I also whole heartedly agree that we need to be mindful of the words we choose to use here and how we express ourselves because words do carry such power and we have to remember that there are lurkers pre-op and post-op and trust me when I say we are some folks ONLY support. Its incredibly important to remember that we CAN make a difference and make or break someone's willingness to post here or not.
As for guidance on where you are right now we've talked extensively about this and it takes time and choices and such to get back on track and once there to deal with the limitations you have in this journey. Its why I stress to many that its not just about the number on the scale after some time. Its about where we were, how far we've come and working to maintain our health. Sure in the beginning its about the lbs lost. Its exciting and mind boggling all at the same time. But, as things progress its more about living and leading a healthier lifestyle in my opinion.
There are others who are well versed and certified in nutrition who can and will help you. So, reach out to them as well. Its not easy I know that but that we keep trying because its so important. Movement helps. Walking, lifting 3 & 5 lb hand weights, stretching, Yoga and other things that are less stressful and straining on your body. Its re-evaluating your eating habits. Pre-planning meals to fit into your schedule/day/life. Its charting what you're eating and drinking and setting small but obtainable goals for yourself. Its remembering that you won't get it right everyday. Its setting goals and gifting yourself with the simple things in life that truly do help you focus and get there.
You are by NO means a failure. In fact, I don't use that word in my vocabulary because its not something I choose to allow. Words and people/things only have the power over you that you allow them to. I've learned that and well!!!! Keep in mind that being successful for you isn't necessarily what it means for someone else. Each of us has different journeys and we need to try and remember that yes others may be losing faster than you/me/us or they may weigh less or can do more etc but what it comes down to is we are here to focus on a perfect-ed life not a perfect one. Instead of getting happy we need to work on being happy with our tools, how far we've come and how much life we need to get on with living.
Btw, in case you hadn't noticed in my signature line: God doesn't look for medals or awards at the end of our lives - he looks for our scars and wounds - our attempts. You don't need a chest full of medals and a wall of awards to be recognized for who you are, because at the end of this journey, there are only two people who can be satisfied with the life you have led - that's you and your creator; and anyone else who puts themselves on that high a plane - well - they have a very inflated sense of self.
First, please know you are not alone. Next, you're an incredibly important person in my life and I really value our connection. Then, not a single person here does everything they are supposed to. Its human nature to falter from time to time. But, each day we get up and try to make better choices than the day before.
Some of us have things going on in our lives that do hinder us from doing what some other may as far as exercising and being as active as we'd like. It doesn't mean we're a failure. It simply means we've got to find new activities that fit our limitations. Sometimes we have to push our limitations as well. We have to strive to try more and remember that we'll have set backs but we TRY and that's a big deal.
When you & I and others had our surgeries things weren't communicated to us as they are these days. Even if others before us who went through this indicated things a lot just wasn't widely known and discussed. Its the day and age where thank the Lord we've got tools such as this message board, support groups, the internet, etc to research and work for better understanding TOGETHER.
I agree whole heartedly we need to be honest with ourselves and each other in these journeys. I also whole heartedly agree that we need to be mindful of the words we choose to use here and how we express ourselves because words do carry such power and we have to remember that there are lurkers pre-op and post-op and trust me when I say we are some folks ONLY support. Its incredibly important to remember that we CAN make a difference and make or break someone's willingness to post here or not.
As for guidance on where you are right now we've talked extensively about this and it takes time and choices and such to get back on track and once there to deal with the limitations you have in this journey. Its why I stress to many that its not just about the number on the scale after some time. Its about where we were, how far we've come and working to maintain our health. Sure in the beginning its about the lbs lost. Its exciting and mind boggling all at the same time. But, as things progress its more about living and leading a healthier lifestyle in my opinion.
There are others who are well versed and certified in nutrition who can and will help you. So, reach out to them as well. Its not easy I know that but that we keep trying because its so important. Movement helps. Walking, lifting 3 & 5 lb hand weights, stretching, Yoga and other things that are less stressful and straining on your body. Its re-evaluating your eating habits. Pre-planning meals to fit into your schedule/day/life. Its charting what you're eating and drinking and setting small but obtainable goals for yourself. Its remembering that you won't get it right everyday. Its setting goals and gifting yourself with the simple things in life that truly do help you focus and get there.
You are by NO means a failure. In fact, I don't use that word in my vocabulary because its not something I choose to allow. Words and people/things only have the power over you that you allow them to. I've learned that and well!!!! Keep in mind that being successful for you isn't necessarily what it means for someone else. Each of us has different journeys and we need to try and remember that yes others may be losing faster than you/me/us or they may weigh less or can do more etc but what it comes down to is we are here to focus on a perfect-ed life not a perfect one. Instead of getting happy we need to work on being happy with our tools, how far we've come and how much life we need to get on with living.
Btw, in case you hadn't noticed in my signature line: God doesn't look for medals or awards at the end of our lives - he looks for our scars and wounds - our attempts. You don't need a chest full of medals and a wall of awards to be recognized for who you are, because at the end of this journey, there are only two people who can be satisfied with the life you have led - that's you and your creator; and anyone else who puts themselves on that high a plane - well - they have a very inflated sense of self.
Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03 
Blessed Momma to ♥ Kayla & Nora ♥
Sober since 25th Aug 07 www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com
Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.
Melinda, you know I have not had the surgery and so I am not an expert on it. Please know that we love you and will support you in anyway that we can. You know I love you as a sister and I will be here for you. Like some of the others have said just ask and you will receive. Honey you are not a failure you are a work in progress. Go back to the begining and start again and the weight will start coming off again and as far as excersise doing cardio will help with losing the weight. Going walking and just moving will help.I am not losing the weight like I want but I am getting my muscles built up and they weight more than fat. So from this moment on you are a work in process.
Oh my dear sweet Melinda! Kudo's to you for posting this. It took a lot of courage and I am so proud of you for the way you did post it. We ALL falter at some point...it is just a matter of admitting it and then doing what you can to correct it. You are a wonderful mentor to me and others on this board. I learn something from you quite often and I love knowing that you are always here. I hope you know that I am ALWAYS here for you...no matter what! I will respond more when I can...I am at work but know that you are loved and appreciated every day and you are in no way a failure!
Tammy C
down 260+ pounds and loving life more than ever!!!
proud mom to Kara 12-08-1994 and our newest addition Claire Makenna born 03-26-09 weighing 6 lbs 13 ounces and 19.25 inches long and very healthy. happily dating...i honestly never knew it could be this good! there is that special Guy for everyone out there...either you already have him or you will find him when He is ready for it!
open RNY 04-25-2005
Life could not get any better than this!
Hi Melinda,
I hope you can feel the hundreds of hugs we are all sending your way.
Back to not loosing - You don't mention if you are working with a dietician or doctor to get through this. If you are not, maybe you need to do that. There could be a medical reason (i.e., stretched stoma) why you are not loosing or a dietician might see something you are eating or not eating that might help. It isn't always just "do more exercise." YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
I hope you can feel the hundreds of hugs we are all sending your way.
Back to not loosing - You don't mention if you are working with a dietician or doctor to get through this. If you are not, maybe you need to do that. There could be a medical reason (i.e., stretched stoma) why you are not loosing or a dietician might see something you are eating or not eating that might help. It isn't always just "do more exercise." YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks UP...
Cathy Alphin
OH Certified Support Group Leader & Coach
Orlando, FL
I am sorry that you are going through so much. Especially so soon after your wedding, which should be a great time for you. I will pray that you find strength and guidance in your journeys
I never meant for my post/question to stir up emotions that were troublesome. I merely wanted to find answers or suggestions from others that were in a similiar situation. I also never mentioned that because I may gain a few pounds from taking the medicine that I would automatically view myself as a failure. I just stated that I have worked hard to lose the weight that I have lost and would feel discouraged to have to take a few pills that could reverse all the hard work that took months to do, in a matter of days or weeks. My fear for steroids is real and ligitimate. It comes from having to take them for 18 months and gaining over 150 lbs from them so my concerns were valid.
After reading all the responses and talking to each of my dr's that were involved in this, the correct decision was made for me and I am satisified with that. And whether I continue to lose weight or hit a period where I gain weight due to the medicine, I will live with it. I know I made the right choice for me.
Again, I am sorry if my post hit a nerve or brought up past or bad memories. That was never my intentions. I was truly looking for suggestions and never thought of myself as a failure for having to do what would ultimately be the right thing. Just know, for what it is worth, that I am here for you, to support you, pray for you and listen if you need to vent. I am positive that with the help of your doctors and nutritionists, and all the friends and family you have in real life and on OH, that you WILL get through this. Just as I wouldn't be a failure for gaining a few pounds from taking the medicines, you are not a failure for what every obstacles you are having to overcome. Please just know that my post was a question looking for answers and advice.
I never meant for my post/question to stir up emotions that were troublesome. I merely wanted to find answers or suggestions from others that were in a similiar situation. I also never mentioned that because I may gain a few pounds from taking the medicine that I would automatically view myself as a failure. I just stated that I have worked hard to lose the weight that I have lost and would feel discouraged to have to take a few pills that could reverse all the hard work that took months to do, in a matter of days or weeks. My fear for steroids is real and ligitimate. It comes from having to take them for 18 months and gaining over 150 lbs from them so my concerns were valid.
After reading all the responses and talking to each of my dr's that were involved in this, the correct decision was made for me and I am satisified with that. And whether I continue to lose weight or hit a period where I gain weight due to the medicine, I will live with it. I know I made the right choice for me.
Again, I am sorry if my post hit a nerve or brought up past or bad memories. That was never my intentions. I was truly looking for suggestions and never thought of myself as a failure for having to do what would ultimately be the right thing. Just know, for what it is worth, that I am here for you, to support you, pray for you and listen if you need to vent. I am positive that with the help of your doctors and nutritionists, and all the friends and family you have in real life and on OH, that you WILL get through this. Just as I wouldn't be a failure for gaining a few pounds from taking the medicines, you are not a failure for what every obstacles you are having to overcome. Please just know that my post was a question looking for answers and advice.
Theresa Marie
Lap RNY - April 30, 2008
Open heart surgery (mitral valve repair & MAZE) - April 13, 2009
356/297.5/152.5/170/150 - consult/surgery morn/now/dr goal/my goal
Skinnyville is NO longer miles away... It's a mere walk to the corner!!
Facebook me @ Theresa Marie Lehman
Lap RNY - April 30, 2008
Open heart surgery (mitral valve repair & MAZE) - April 13, 2009
356/297.5/152.5/170/150 - consult/surgery morn/now/dr goal/my goal
Skinnyville is NO longer miles away... It's a mere walk to the corner!!
Facebook me @ Theresa Marie Lehman
Jen 
Very wise words Melinda. Sometimes we don't realize how power the things we say are. We are here to support you & you are loved very much!!!
Courtney 305/155/150/225 high/goal/low/current 
**The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat...Albert Einstein **
Most Active
Recent Topics
