Questions about what to tell my kids

I have to begin my 3 week preop protein shake diet on Monday so we decided tonight to tell our kids that I was having surgery. So far all we told them was that I'm haveing surgery on my tummy to make me healthy. True enough I guess. My kids are 10,9 and 6. I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago and that was an open surgery so they've seen me in the hospital and during recovery before. I also had gallbladder surgery the year before so this isn't new.

I have 2 close friends that had the surgery, but I'm real cautious because I have 2 girls and i don't want them to worry about their own weight or anything like that. they are 9 and 6 and a perfect weight for their height.

Do you think I should give them more information or just let it be? What did you tell your kids?

thanks

My son was 8 when I had my wls and I didn't go into great details with him either. I just simply told him that I had to do it for me to be healthy and live a long life for him.  I asked him wouldn't it be great if I was able to run around and play with him and he was all for it.  But the day of the wls he got upset and started crying cause he was so use to me being a certain way that it was a little overwelming for him. He didnt want me to have the surgury but after awhile he was ok with it.

Hi there. Just thought I'd say hi to a fellow Mechanicsviller!! We also share the same surgeon! Isn't Dr B great!!! Hope ya have a great weekend!

My kids are 8, 7, and 5. My girls are 8 and 7.  My son could not grasp what was going on but I was honest with my girls.  I have had very good results as well.  I do understand where you are coming from with the girls and the body issue concept. 

This surgery was never WLS surgery, this surgery was for mommy to get healthy.  I answered every question they had honestly.  My oldest wanted to know what was going to happen.  I explained to them how my life was going to change and there would be foods that I will not be able to eat again.  We also talked about the concept of healthy eating and portion control.  I have explained to them about how it is important to eat the right foods (protien, vegies, and fruit) and to exercise.  I also explained that it very unhealthy to not eat and even though someone is thin, they still can be very unhealthy because they are not living a healthy life style (eating properly and exercising). 

We have talked about portion control.  My oldest had a problem with eating until her stomach hurt.  So we have talked about eating until you are full.  Even though the food taste good, you do not want your tummy hurting.  We have talked about it is OK to have good food like pizza.  But instead of 3-4 slices, have 1-2 slices and a salad.  It is OK to have cookies every now and then, but instead of 4 pieces of cookies only have 2. 

I have been very open with my children about my surgery and honest.  I have also made everything health centric in our talk.  I was open about what it will do to me and how I will be eating after surgery.  Everything they wanted to know, I have told them. 

I have seen so much growth in my children, mainly my girls.  Instead of asking to go to McDs after a late dance class, they want to go to WaWa and get a turkey sandwhich on wheat bread with grapes.  When in the grocery store, they don't ask for the ice cream or cookies...they ask for the yogurt and popsicles. 

There is a thin line with the body issue with girls and helping them to see things in a healthy light is very hard, but if done with care and honesty, you can be sucessful.

I have a 7 year old son. I explained to him that I was having surgery to help me loose weight and help with some health problems I had. I explained to him that I was going to loose weight. If you don't tell them and you are loosing weight that may scare them. I was just open and explained everything to him in kid terms. Good luck!

Although it wasn't an issue for kids of my own at that time, I was very close to the son of a friend who overheard us talking and wanted to know why I was going to the hospital.  I pretty much did the same thing about having surgery on my tummy to make me healthy, he asked if I was sick and I explained that no but because of being fat it could make me very sick as I got older and I didn't want that to happen.

While I was in the hospital he called to check on me & asked if I was skinny yet.  It was too funny!

I am lucky that my son was only two and a half when I had my surgery so I surrounded him with people that he loved and loved him while I was away the three days.....and he knew I had been having some surgery and that I would not be able to lift him for a while - we practised what it would be like and how he would have to help me etc and everything was just fine for him - when I had my plastic surgeries he was more aware and the last one got him more upset before I went in, but as I did not make a big deal of it, he didn't either... and when he saw I was only away overnight and would be home the next day he did not fret as he had his grandma etc staying until I was on my feet again....

I think it is important that you are truthful with them but i don't think you need to elaborate too much unless they insist....and you already know what would make them panic and what would not....

Good luck!

Jackie

Christy - about the pre-op shake diet, by day 4 you won't be hungry anymore.  My daughter was 12 (still is when i had my surgery.  shes seen me struggle finding clothes that "fit", i've always walked around in my bra and underwear so i could try and project the not embarrased about my body thing.  She is a little bit horrified at the amount of hangy skin (but she is a middle schooler now), i jus smile and say, well, all that skin used to be full, and now its not, isn't that great?  totally tell the kids this is to be healthy (i always tell DD, i did not ever plan on being a supermodel, just want to be healthy)!.  I wish you the best of luck, we're all pulling for ya.  lys

My advice is just to be honest but don't elaborate.  I have a daughter that was 9 when I had surgery.  She knew what I was having done and why and now she is awesome with the portion control and eating healthy.  She learned with me and together we eat very healthy.  I answered all of her questions openly and honestly.  She visited me in the hospital every day and even goes to support group meetings with me and helps out there as well.

Hi Christy,

My oldest daughter had just turned 2 when I had WLS. I consider myself blessed because although NOW (7 years old) she understands it a little bit better she has been along for the ride as well as my now 3 year old. They known the better choices as well as the not so great ones. Kayla especially is more affected by dietary changes with her current treatments she's receiving. Its simple to make choices its just keeping up with them that really makes the impact.

Children are very resilient and are curious. I think that honesty is the best. I think that your children are all of the age where they will understand it for the most part. Indicating that its to get healthier and making changes in your life so that you are more capable of participating in their lives more often. Explain things to them on their level. Tell them you want to become more active in your life so you can in theirs. More time to play, longer play times, getting healthier as a family and so much more. I think they'll embrace this and see "mom's making all the positives happen in her life let's join her."

My buggas LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to walk with me, play longer, do more, go more places etc. I think that if you lead by example and be open with them they will come to you should they get concerned with their weight and it'll be an open playing field for all of you. I have no problem when mine look at pictures of me heavier (which I keep around ON PURPOSE) by saying you know mommy was a bigger gal at one time and mommy has these beautiful scars on her tummy as a reminder of how much mommy loves life and needs to live it to the best of my abilities.

That means I have to make the best choices I can everyday and so do the both of you. You couldn't pry my kids from outside most days. We're very active. I can safely say 100% a family that does things TOGETHER gets healthier together among other things. I'm very open with both of them (Kayla, 7 obviously more) and I answer any questions they have. I'm proud of my WLS and I want them to know it. I hope they don't have to come to make the same decision that is why its key NOW to arm myself and them with knowledge and behaviors that will truly help them in future decision making.

All best!