Feeling frustrated and hating myself for asking why?? (warning: long & whiny)

So Saturday will be 4 months out for me. Losing weight as I wanted and feeling better than I thought I would, making progress better than I had anticipated, (or so I thought). Everyone who has this surgery, or any WLS, has their own personal reasons for wanting to get it done. I, personally had a few. Wanting to be around for my son was first and foremost. Secondly, I wanted to conquer my problems, or at least minimalize them, with my Diabetes & Congestive Heart Failure.

On Monday, I had an appointment with my cardiologist's office to have an echocardiogram, ultra-sound of my heart. They were checking to see what the EF (ejection fraction) was and to check to see if the Mitral Valve regurgitation has gotten worse. With my 107 lb weight loss, of course I was thinking how could it be worse, right? Less weight, that much less weight, would only make things better? WRONG!! When I had my last echo, my EF was 45-50%. Not too horrible, considering that I have Congestive Heart Failure and a moderate to severe Mitral Valve leak. And that a normal EF is approximately 60%. I wasn't that far off. Well.... After talking to the tech and hearing the reports from my Cardiologist, my EF is now down to 25%! It has dropped in half. As if that was not bad enough, the valve leak, which also SHOULD have gotten better with that much weight loss is a moderately high percentage worse. UGH!!!

So, after thinking about the results I heard over night, I called back today to speak to the cardiac tech and listen to what she had to say to questions I asked. Now I know she isn't a doctor and she isn't my cardiologist but she is a cardiac tech, I have been going to this same cardiologist for 4 yrs and has done every echo I have had done, which is several, so she knows me & my heart. Really the only thing I remember hearing from our conversation is that she is greatly concerned that neither the EF or the valve leak has improved. So together, we come up with the idea that I need to make an appointment and come back in and ask the Dr what we are GOING to do about these 2 situations. One option is to go back on a pill for the CHF which will also help with the valve leak. Another option for the valve leak, which greatly depends on the severity of it and how it is affecting one's lifestyle is to either replace or repair the valve. That, in itself, scares me to death. Who wants to have their chest cracked open?

So I made the appointment, September 9 @ 2:00. Until then, here I sit, wondering, for the first time EVER, why did I have this surgery. I know that not everything is fixable, that my heart may have been too damaged to be repairable but... If my heart was a main reason to have this surgery, and it didn't even help it but things have gotten worse... Why did I do this again? I thought that the WLS was going to give me a new lease on life but honestly, I am more scared now of what is in my future than I was.... I didn't do this surgery, go through all of the emotional & physical aspects of this to only have my heart give out now, when it should be feeling and working so much better! Sigh!!! I hate feeling like this, hate questioning my decisions and motives. I never did that before. I never had "buyers remorse". I am just irritated and frustrated!

Sorry to have been so whiny and for this being so long. But thanks for listening, well reading!

No need to apologize. Sorry to hear of your results. Pray you and the drs can come up with a plan to get this in check and you on the road to better heart function.
I have newly diagnosed health problems since wls that limit my physical abilities to a great degree. I often ask myself why I lost over 185 lbs to go thru this. I try to look at the other side of what would life be like had I not had the surgery. Would I be walking? Chances are I wouldnt be. This isnt a cure all for all of our problems but I can only speak for me that life is much better in many aspects. I hope you can find something positive to hold on to, it helps me to get thru the tough days.
Hugs and come back and whine if you want to,.
Blessings,
Shannon

Thanks so much Shannon, for writing. What you are asking yourself is exactly what I ask me. But like you, I know that things would be so much worse than they are now. I realize that my life is so much better and I just need to focus on that. The support I have received from friends on here is my positive that I hold on to. So thanks so much!

WOW those results aren't good news.  I understand how frustrating and scary this must be for you!

#1 - why are you not still on CHF meds?  I vaguely remember you saying after surgery you were taking them no longer.  I hope that you didn't take yourself off and that made the problem worse?

#2 - You mentioned that you called back and spoke to your cardio tech.  Although seeking any help is good, you should seek it from the doctor.  Did you not talk to the doctor about the results of the test at the appt?  Maybe I'm missing something?

It's easy when you hear dissapointing test results like these to question things.  I really think that if you had not had this surgery you would just have continued down a path of poor health, heart wise, weight wise, diabetes wise, emotionally and physically.  Having the weight come off has helped you with your diabetes and your physical and mental wellbeing.  Now we just need to get your ticker to catch up with all the progress you've made!  I know if you work closely with your cardiologist they will come up with a solution or at least a plan of action.  Try your best not to get discouraged and think of Cameron when you have trouble focusing on why you did this!  You will indeed be around longer to share all the wonderful years you have left to share with him as he grows up to be a man.  :)

Side note - have you considered that the test results are not accurate?  Mistakes do happen...

Hi Lauren. Thanks so much for writing.

When I was in the hospital for my RNY, my surgeon took me off all my meds except the iv meds and my insulin. After getting released, I was told to follow the same regiment, since I had a follow up with my cardiologist already scheduled for the following week. When I went to see him, he told me to not go back on any of them. I am thinking that he assumed that with the amount of weight that I was going to be losing, that I wouldn't need them. One of the things he had always told me from the very beginning was that if I was able to lose a considerable amount of weight, that the mitral valve leak would reduce. I just figured that 107 lbs WAS a condsiderable amount of weight loss. Guess my heart and body do not agree.

When I called back yesterday, after thinking over night about the results, I did speak with the cardio tech. I had originally spoke with her as she was reading the dr's notes and messages regarding the test. I had many questions and concerns so that is what prompted me to call back yesterday. After we discussed things and she informed me that she was scared and concerned as well, we agreed that it was best to speak to the dr.

You are so correct. I know that if I had not had this surgery, things would have progressively gotten worse. But... why couldn't things have gotten a bit better or at least stayed the same!?! Funny that you mention that my ticker needs to catch up. The tech made a statement that maybe my heart isn't in the same place as other things and it just needs a bit of time to realize that it CAN slow down because there isn't as much weight. One can only hope & pray that things could be that simple.

I so appreciaten your opinions and insight. It really does help me keep my eyes open and helps me have the ability to look inwards from the outside. Your friendship means the world to me, which is why we need to get together soon! Thanks so much Lauren!!

I agree with Shannon & Lauren. They've both made important points. The news you've received thus far is of course scary and worrisome. However, be proactive and not only talk with the doctor but pursue a 2nd opinion. I've faced a few issues since having WLS but have NO regrets what so ever about having had WLS.

I've learned through this journey that arming ourselves with knowledge and never taking the first answer we get are 2 things to really hold near and dear. Mistakes DO happen and I can say through personal experience that twice a 2nd opinion has made the difference between taking extreme measures and taking paths which have yielded much better results.

Why DID you do this surgery Theresa? You know the answers in your heart. You know that nothing is guaranteed and nothing is perfect but to take the chance to fight for your life is tough but necessary. You're questioning your reasons now because the news seems dire and you are struggling to make sense of it all. Its a tough journey (Life) and there are ups and downs and everything in between.

Turn all the negative energy and thoughts into determination and positives. Making the best out of a less than desirable situation is not always easy but that's when you reach out (like you are now), dig deep and tell yourself I'm NOT letting all the negatives get me down, I'm not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself but instead I'm going to ask what needs to be asked, get a 2nd opinion, check and double check the results and reassure myself that I've got a life to live so I need to get on with it.

Hasn't WLS given you a newer lease on life? Aren't you able to do more activites, do more with Cameron, feel better about yourself, make choices and changes you are proud of and so much more? You've got to focus on today, the here and now and take things day by day. We aren't promised anything but right now. Chin up and keeping fighting for your LIFE.

Hugs.........

Wow, Theresa, you have been given some awesome advice from the others on here.  I am sorry you are going through this and had to receive that kind of news.  I hope when you get to speak to your cardiologist he can calm your fears and take care of things very easily for you. 

As far as the surgery -- I can see where you would question your decision, but I think that is just a result of the shock you received today.  In your heart of hearts, I think you probably know that this surgery has benefited you in so many ways even though it may not seem so with this.  Though I know it isn't always easy to look on the bright side of things, oftentimes it takes sitting back for a few minutes and looking at the pros and cons to appreciate the fact that the pros outweigh the cons many times over. 

Hang in there, and take care of yourself.  Know that you are in my prayers.

Thanks so much for writing Cindy. I am definitely looking forward to speaking with my dr.

Deep down, I know things are so much better than they would be, than they could be. I just have a hard time understanding that things have gotten worse, instead of at least staying the same.

Thanks so much for the prayers. They mean the world to me.

Aw Theresa it must seem like the whole world is against you right now!

But you know you had the surgery to improve your health and although these results are not good - they would have been far worse if you were 107lbs heavier..... and until you went there you HAVE been feeling much better.... so much so you expected to have much better results than you got.

I agree with what the others have said - your doctor is the best person to advise you and I am glad that you have made the appointment to go back and discuss it with him....

I know it seems things are upside down at the moment but wait until you talk with the doctor and get a positive plan of action to work on - the weight loss can only have made things much better in the long run.... now you are carrying around 107lb less - that has to be good right? You are just not seeing it yet......

Hang in there - we will all help you get through this!!

Jackie