So, I might be stating the obvious but ...

I'm struggling and I'm sick and tired of it. Without discussing the details openly and without compromising my privacy I am seeking prayers and even more some indication that I'm not alone. I have been dealing with some very emotional situations in my life and although some of them aren't new others are adding fuel to the fire so to speak. Some of these situations I CAN change and am doing so albeit slowly. Others I cannot and I face what has always been my personality and that is to be a "fixer", "peacemaker", to be everything to anyone and everyone I can, to bite my lip and take a lot of bs and its what I refer to as Kat's Doormat Service. I tend to allow others to talk to me and treat me in ways I know are detrimental to my well being. I allow some to take advantage of me and my good nature and then the pot goes from simmering to boiling and when I finally have enough I come out of the corner scratching. I fully admit that much of this has had an impact on my health. Headaches, not eating right or well, not sleeping, not reaching out when I should, keeping things inward, changing my outlook on my life, relationships, habits and most of all I'm not in a good place physically. For the past 6 days I've not given a care about exercise. Yes, I've gotten out in nature and walked but casually and not anywhere near what I should and have been doing previous to now. About the only thing I am keeping up with is my vitamins and water in take. Sad, embarrassing, frustrating and worst of all as I sit here typing this I really could care less. Yes, I get its a mood thing and this too shall pass but it sux and I'm really beat up pretty good. I know in coming here there are many who support me and probably would more if I was to be a little more open about what I'm dealing with. However, I'm not at a place where I can do that yet. I have so much to be thankful for and I count those blessings. I've got 2 beautiful buggas who keep me going, they keep things real and simply chaotic really. I'm sober 10+ months and I intend on remaining that way. I am a great friend, sister, daughter, aunt and more and I thrive on taking care of others. But, I've come to a point in my journey where I don't know how much longer I can keep playing the roles I'm currently in (more specifically the "fixer" and "peacemaker.") I probably won't stop those 2 roles but I certainly need to take a step WAY back. I need to get back on track and feel something more than I do now. It seems like for whatever reasons I'm hitting a bunch of static from all sides. I use the same word picture I have for years. Its like my feet are firmly planted in the eye of a tornado yet I'm being grabbed, pushed, pulled, shoved, tugged and smacked. Its incredibly tiring and it seems like this patience thing is wearing thin. The key components of the tornado are being addressed one by one but the resolutions are slow if even a snails pace. Part of this I realize is my always feeling like I can make things right or better or fix them but I realize more than not I just cannot. As a result of some recent conversations I have decided to move forward with some key decisions and have no idea what the outcome will be but I have faith and hope and I believe that I will be a stronger, healthier everything even treating myself better. One of the most important things for me right now is to keep my support system in place, strengthening it and taking chances on folks who've said they are here for me. Its really hard for me I admit that. I'm in a vulnerable position right now. I pray that I'm not taken further advantage of. Now, onto some dynamics I CAN share. The situation with my family is a strained one for me. Some of you are aware of some things so you get what I'm saying. I have continued to stand by them through so much and feel like I have said and done everything I can to try and not only help them but do it for them. That is not acceptable but again something I've only realized fully recently. Another situation is that of my sobriety and how interesting it is that others no longer ask how its going or how I'm doing. They sure didn't have a problem telling me how ridiculous I was when I was drinking but otherwise its forgotten. I can never forget and I suppose like Amb has finally gotten through to my brain other folks just don't understand what it means to me/us unless they have been there. I will continue to share and celebrate my monthly milestones and Aug will be 1 year sobriety. Personally, I celebrate on nearly a daily basis my sobriety so that I am reminded of just how blessed I am. Still I struggle with my feelings regarding it. I guess I am reaching out asking for others to simply pray for me and my buggas and if you might dig deep and find some tips, tricks, etc that might help me through my journey a little better?? Words and thoughts of encouragement would totally rawk! I suppose I've rambled enough. Hugs & love now & always, Kitty Kat

Before I respond to all that you have posted, I just want ya to know that I am here for you. Only a text or a phone call away, 15 minutes up the road. Anytime you need someone to listen to or vent to, I am your girl. We definitely should get together next Sunday so the buggas can play and we can talk. Things will get better. I love ya! Remember, if ya need me, I'm here.

Kat, you can only control what is in your control.  You can only change the things that are within your limits to change.  You can not fix or make the peace for other peoples problems.  The only person that can provide that is that person.  You can offer support, an ear, and suggestions.  But ultimatly they have to make those steps.   One of my problems in the past is holding back and not defending myself, because I was afraid I was going to hurt other people.  What I have learned though, is why am I going to deny that other person the oppurtinity to go through whatever emotions they may expereince.  You deserve to be heard and you deserve to stand up for yourself. If you don't, then who will??  Now, if saftey is a concern though, please play it safe.  If you need any help, I can get you some resources.  Just let me know.  I just have to make a phone call. As far as your sobriety.  It is YOUR sobreity.  Not everyone elses.  It is phenomenal what you are doing.  It is an everyday battle, but you are right, people don't know what it is like to be going through what you are.  And maybe I am reading this wrong, but the reason you put the drink down is for YOU and not for everyone else.  But stand your ground, don't allow the negative talk about how you were when you were drinking.  You are not drinking and that is what is important. Many hugs and prayers Kat!!

Hugs to you Kat.  Please remember that god will see you through absolutely anything.  Be strong and trust Him.  You are in my prayers. Hugs, Wanda

I love you!!!  You are not alone.  It is sooo easy to let life overwhelm us, get to a point of not really caring and let ourselves slump more.  As you have said there is a lot that is out of your control and a few things you can control.  Taking care of you is one of those things.  Focusing on your health (food, liquids, exercise, vitamins, sobriety, sleep) is a major step.  Feeling the best you can phyiscally will help you be able to handle the mental/emotional so much better.  Girl, I haven't been to the gym in 6 weeks, definitely need to get back into it but every week I let myself stay in my slump.  Sometimes we all get to a point where we have to take a stand for people.  In some of the struggles I have been going through, by standing up for myself and telling others that the choices they make for themselves are out of my control, they cannot expect me to pick up their slack because they make stupid choices, it has made a big difference because they realize that they can't wipe their feet on me so to speak.  Now am I good about keeping my idea every time, no but it is helping.  Now I too am bad about the letting others talk badly to me, my mother is my biggest foe in that area.  Slowly with the help of a few others I am learning how to stand my ground some, build my determination & I do feel a showdown coming along on that one, just waiting for the right moment.  As much as we all want things to be fixed right away, it does have to be taken step by step, and sometimes the timing is not what we want.  On some of the things I am struggling with, I have to sit back and determine if I am okay with it the way it is (as I can't change others only how I react to things) or do I need to find another way to make things livable for me.  In some ways it is working & in some it is extremely hard to do.  You are a marvelous person in so many ways.  As you said, mother, daughter, friend, aunt, etc.  You have been an inspiration to me for many years, I remember following along as you were pregnant with Nora & I lurked on the pregnancy board.  Kat you give so much to this world and are valued by so many.  You are working on support groups & get togethers in your area and are providing a much needed path on this journey for many.  Thoughts & prayers for you & yours coming out.  Love you sooooo much!!!

I'm going to respond to you privately...  LOVE AND HUGS

Hey Kat, you can make it and you are not alone If you need to talk call me as you have my phone number.. I've been around for a little longer than you and may have some input for whatever is dragging you down. My hopes and prayers go out to you Kat girl as you are special...Hugs, Jim

Well there sweet breeches let me just put it to you like I would if you where here baby gurl. You are a wonderful person and I have learned to love you in a way that I so wish you were in my life a long time ago.but I made choices to allow others lead me in another direction. But I finaly came to MY sences and seen the true you for who you are! A very great friend with alot of ambition, talent and joy with so much to give to others, and you have been taken advantage of so many times that I can relate to you find it hard to know who and what and how to trust. Nothing wrong with known of the questions your asking yourself right now. Sweetie time stands still for none of us and you will make the choices you want for you when your ready and dont let anyone push you into a place where your not ready to go. Im here and Im sending prayers up for you at this time asking for guidence to help you through these diffacult times for you and I know your faith will see you throw and when your ready you will open up to those your ready and not a minute sooner. We have to all be patient and give you your time and space and be there when you come to us on your time. I love you and all I can offer is my friendship and love at this time and know that Im a call away and 60 ,ins from you. Be strong breath and have faith without that we arent nothing. And you are something very speacial!!!!!! ((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) 

Much love and many prayers coming your way, sweetie. I know you've mentioned that you've read the book Boundaries before - it sounds like one that is really appropriate to your situation. Believe me, I understand the feeling of letting it all pile up until it seems so overwhelming that you can't deal with any of it. So you do nothing, which makes you feel worse. It's a vicious, vicious cycle. And one that's hard, if not impossible, to break out of on your own! So, please - you've done a great thing by reaching out for help here. Keep doing it! Pick up the phone and call me (or anyone else here), and don't be afraid to go talk to a professional. More importantly, claim Christ's promise that "In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world". Make him prove it by taking your problems to him and leaving them there - he can handle it Lots of prayers from these quarters.....

Kat,  I am sad that you feel this way. I know you have been taking such a lot on your shoulders these past few weeks and it sounds like you are at the end of your tether and need to go ahead and make some changes. You know I love you and will always be here for you - and I am only a call away if you ever need anything - at all! You do not have to share what is bothering you to know that everyone here will support you! It is none of our business what is happening on your life but it is our business and also our responsibility to be there for you when you are struggling and want help.... but please remember - as everyone has reminded you - you can only fix what is under your control - the rest is outside it and you can't influence that - no matter what you do - and trying to makes it more frustrating for you!  You are always here for all of us and there to help others- please let some of us help you.... let us know what we can do that will make you feel a bit better..... you read a lot - maybe you should try to read about stress management - they have some great books out there about it - you could go to see a therapist but I somehow don't think you will do that so I am trying to offer an alternative so you do not feel you are going insane... You know I would NEVER take advantage of you so you are safe...... many people here would not dream of doing that either, so some time you have to come out of your shell and allow some of us in to help you... You know you are going through a period of grieving right now (for many reasons) and it is natural to not feel anything like you think you should - you need to learn to relax - and I know this is all so much easier said than done.....  but you need to de-stress and I am worried about you because you are not doing very much of that.... You also know some of the reasons people may not be asking you (me included) how you are doing with your sobriety because we believe in you and when I see you I see that you do not go near alcohol. I know you struggle with this every single day but did not think you would want me to ask if you were sober everytime we talk. It is not that I never think about you or your struggles - I absolutely do - and since you talked at our support meeting I know even more how hard it was for you to not only conquer it but to also talk about it in the hope that it will help others - that is a brave person! Which is what I think of you and I am immensley proud of how you turned everything around in that arena. I know it will be a constant struggle for the rest of your life but I also know you are up to that struggle and can do this for your children and I know how much you love your girls! So please never think because I do not say anything that I am not thinking it! Please let me know how I can support you more Kat.....I really want to help....... love and hugs Jackie xoxoxoxo .