Beware the Evil Weed Killer

Beware the Evil Weed Killer by Katie Jay, MSW, CTA-certified Wellness Coach Director, National Association for Weight Loss Surgery www.nawls.com

"I told that gardener he better come back and replace all the plants he killed with his weed killer," growled a woman at a recent addiction support group I attended.

We all chuckled, because the woman told her story rather dramatically on purpose.

We all understood what it felt like to try something and be sabotaged by some person or cir****tance.

Despite the fact that she had planted flowers and placed a picture and care instructions next to each planting, the man she had hired to care for her yard had indiscriminately sprayed her green shoots with a toxic chemical.

Yep, it's lousy when you put effort into something and it fails.

The woman was upset for an obvious reason, but also for one not so obvious. You see, it was the first time she had ever planted flowers.

"I've never planted flowers before, because I knew I would somehow kill them," she explained. "But a few weeks ago I was looking at my neighbor's yard and realized I was depriving myself of something that would make me truly happy. Something other than food!"

Her next insight hit home for me.

She admitted, "I think the reason I never planted a garden before is that I was afraid I couldn't do it perfectly. Afraid I would somehow fail. And so, I didn't give gardening any real consideration."

When she said that I felt my throat tighten and I began to tear up. Ouch! That hit home.

I LOVE flowers, but you won't find any in my yard or inside my home.

As I listened to her story, I realized I shared the same anxiety about failure that this woman harbored.

No matter how many times I have tried to relax and enjoy life, I have never shaken my deeply held fear of screwing up and being ridiculed or criticized or judged.

So I don't plant flowers for fear of imperfection -- a visual reminder of my flawed existence.

But what if the flower garden turned out beautifully, and I am mistaken about sure failure?

Well, then there is the anxiety about making other people feel badly when I do well, or when something goes right for me.

It's best to do NOTHING.

In some areas of my life I am pushing past my fears and anxieties, but in others I am not.

This morning, my son is listening to a CD he got from his choir teacher at church. It's beautiful. One of the songs has a chorus that goes something like, "This is your life. So, you better start living."

I resolve to plant flowers in my yard as a symbol of my hope for change in myself and my life. I resolve to plant flowers and not deprive myself of the joy they would bring me. I want to learn to nurture myself with things other than food.

Many areas of my life would benefit from taking more risks, despite my imperfect abilities; areas like friendships, interior decorating, speaking up, and even my clothing choices.

The possibilities are endless. Today, I am going to make choices about what I do based on the idea that I want to LIVE my life now. I am not going to worry about the evil weed killers, who may interfere with my plans.

I can plant another garden. But I can't stop my life from marching on, whether I live it well or not.

Today, I am going to keep in mind that this is my life to live NOW -- that THIS is my time on Earth.

So, I better start living.

Your assignment:

What have you been avoiding for fear of imperfection? Identify one thing you can do that will help you break free from your self-imposed limitations.