Do I Really Have to Do That?

Do I Really Have to Do That? by Katie Jay, MSW, CTA-certified Wellness Coach Director, National Association for Weight Loss Surgery www.nawls.com

One thing I have noticed as I have travelled and spoken to various WLS patients over the last couple of weeks is how much resistance we all have to change.

A woman in Charlotte, NC, shared with me that she is struggling with night eating, for example, and I suggested she change her evening routine (so that she wouldn't keep triggering the habitual behavior she felt so guilty about).

She responded with, "Do I really have to do that?!? I can't miss my TV shows!"

In northern Virginia, a woman told me she can't stop eating chocolate -- despite her dumping.

When I suggested she learn more about sugar sensitivity and how to keep the cravings at bay, she insisted, "I don't have time to read a book right now."

Yesterday, while talking on the phone with a woman I met at a hospital event, I realized she was not willing to do any of the things I was suggesting -- even though she had called me for advice.

For example, when I encouraged her to attend her local WLS support group, she exclaimed, "Do I really have to do that? I am too busy! Plus, I hate groups."

I have made so many excuses over the years, and I can totally understand not wanting to change.

We are creatures of habit. Our brains love repetitive behavior (even negative repetitive behavior), because we expend less energy thinking when we respond automatically to a familiar situation.

I hate hard work as much as anyone!

The problem is that if we truly want to have healthy bodies and live more fulfilling lives -- free from obsession about our weight, our bodies, or the scale -- then we need to be willing to do something different. We need to go through the discomfort of change.

I promise you'll get used to it.

I have made it a habit to stay uncomfortable. When I am working on changing something, I tell myself, "This is good! If I'm uncomfortable, that means I'm making good changes in my life."

So, whatever the healthy change is, "YES, WE REALLY HAVE TO DO THAT." We need to be conscious -- instead of living on automatic pilot.

Being conscious can be tiring, but it is profoundly rewarding.

When are willing to deal with the discomfort of forming a new routine, we are living in the solution. We are supporting our most deeply held desires.

Your assignment:

It might be overwhelming to make a lot of changes all at once, so pick one thing. Perhaps there is a time of day when you are grazing out of boredom. You could make a plan that spells out an activity to engage in during that time that is different from what you have been doing. I have added an afternoon walk into my routine, for example, instead of watching O*prah (sorry O!). That way, I don't start grazing at 4pm in anticipation of dinner.

This is soooooooo me!!!!!! Asking for advice and then getting irritated with what people say? Check. Complaining about all the things that I'm asked to do - even when I went to them and said "help me"? Check. This whole pre-op nutritional program that I'm on is a good example. I was asked to do the liver-shrinking diet 3 months out. I got angry and ranted and raved about what a bad idea THAT was. Now I'm on a new eating plan (Nutripoints) - and the most common things I have to say are "I can't do this", "This isn't a good program for me" or "This is ridiculous because it's nothing like I have to eat after surgery"

I think I suffer from two rare diseases - the "Sarah is smarter than everyone else" disease and the "I want different results with the same behavior" disease. They sound like the type of things that Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle would have a good cure for!

I am stubborn and willful and defiant. I worry constantly that I won't have what it takes to make it after surgery because of it.

But I will say this for me - I've done it. Kicking and screaming the whole way, I have begun exercising 4-5 days a week, been working with the "life coach" to find other things I can look forward to each day besides eating, and yes - even did the liver shrinking diet and the Nutripoints system. I haven't been perfect, but the other part of my brain (not the 3-year old part which likes to rear its head) knows that these are all good, positive changes and that I'll feel better in the long run. So I'm sticking to it and not letting one failure make me give up the whole thing. (And don't think for one second I've done it on my strength alone - prayer and the awesome support system that God has put in my life, whi*****ludes this board, have totally gotten me through it)

One thing that helps me to make changes is not to concentrate on the "forever" part of it. When I think, "I have to do this forever and ever and ever and ever" I get discouraged and don't want to start. So I have to set small goals - "Ok, I'll get my exercise in this week" in order to keep my brain from exploding. (please don't get me wrong - yes, I know that this surgery is a forever commitment.)

I've been doing this such a short time and have accomplished so little. I know that. But again - that's another thought that makes my head explode. Because that little bit that I've accomplished has been hard work. So I'm taking credit for it nontheless

Sarah what a very honest account to write and so true of  a lot of us!  But the good thing is that you recognize this and did do all the requirements, in spite of your own feelings of superiority lol!!  You will do well with this surgery Sarah - because you are human, because yiu are honest with yourself,  because you WANT to and because you listen to others! Have a great weekend Jackie

Your response was so honest.  Definately take credit!  What you have committed to so far and the small one by one goals you have already met are a huge accomplishment and your hard work is ALREADY paying off.  You're going to do great when surgery time comes.  :)