So offended...told I was doing this the "easy" way....

So we had our office party last night. I work at a large company and don't see some people in person often, but know them fairly well. So this one gal that I've worked with a lot in the past and considered a friend came over, I re-introduced her to my husband and we were having pleasant conversation. Then she says "You look great!" I said "Thank you, so do you!" (She's a larger woman and looked like she had slimmed down some) THEN, she says, "Thanks, but you did it the *easy* way...I've been working hard at it and have lost 20 pounds this year". My husband and I both said at practically the same time "This was not the easy way at all". She then launches into how unsafe surgery is and how her Drs told her that she would be prime candidate for several (common) complications and how she's been to three of the informational sessions at the local hospital she was considering. I quickly changed the subject because my blood was starting to boil....this has NOT been easy by any stretch. Sure, I've been pretty fortunate to not have some of the common complications associated with surgery (of any kind!), but I've had to deal with a whole lot of other stuff. I have a whole list of things she's not had to deal with or consider during her losing 20 pounds that I have had to deal with because of this surgery and losing 85 in 5 months (you know the emotional things, completely changing the way I eat and what I eat, vitamins, clothes not fitting, etc...you all know). My husband was proud of me for not ripping her a new one right there, but hey...honestly if she wouldn't have been a co-worker and someone I have to deal with professionally on a regular basis I may just have said more than I did. So...my question is this...how do you all deal with people like this? I was so offended and hurt. She totally misjudged my journey and I can logically deal with the fact that she's just rude and for lack of a better word at the moment ... stupid, but wow. I'm thinking she may be jealous of my success or that she's afraid to take the step for herself, but to be so rude is just appaling. Part of me wants to tell her how rude she was, but another part knows I may let my anger get in the way and go too far. Another part still has compassion for her because she is trapped by her own fear and jealousy. Christina S

Christina , You handled it like a true lady . Very proud of you . Your answer was brilliant . The way I handle that sort of talk is like this . I simply say .. until you walk one day in my shoes , you will see this is not easy . Then I tell them about the surgery .. and how it is a tool . Most are scared of the unknown .. and refuse to hear the truth about the surgery . I am sure she only spouted out , from pure ignorance and some jealosy . She is indeed trapped in her fear .. and in her Obese body .. and sometimes that is hard to let go of . Never be offended or hurt by others words like this . You have come to far and need to show others that you are proud of your success .. . And so what if they think we took the easy way out .. we know the truth .. and let them wonder in their own ignorant brains .. We have and are winning the fight against obesetity ... Be proud and loud !!! Nat

Nat- Thanks. I certainly tried to hold back my shock. My husband kinda walked away for a moment...I know he wanted to say a few things to her also. He's seen the struggle. I have decided to just pray for her. Pray that she either learns how to be polite/quiet or that she has the courage to take charge of her health. Christina S

Christina, I am sure you will not find one person on here who hasn't had a similiar thing during their process. Mine was pre-op. This lady in another department chased me around, and would corner me at any opportunity, (in the bathroom, at the copier) and try to talk me out of it. Her sister in law had some surgery, she ended up with stapleline disruption, or a fistual so her food could still go into her old stomach, so she ended up gaining back a bunch of weight. This lady really really thought she could convince me to not have it. Here is the kicker, my uncle was extremely againist it. My mom had to finally tell him that I had decided not to have it to get him to shut up. After it was done and over, then she told him. He like many others, knew someone who died. Of course the person he knew had just waited too late. She was extremely ill and probably having her tonsils out would have killed her. I finally about a year post op had a sit down conversation with my uncle. I explained that yes, I knew I might die. But I would rather have died than to continue living the way I was. He had never looked at it that way. Someone who has never had to carry around 300lbs doesn't understand. I dont know what the magic words are to tell someone politely to mind their own business and nothing about ANY weight loss surgery is easy. At first, our first few months, yes it does seem easy to the outsider, we hardly have to do anything and the pounds dissappear. Then real life kicks in, and we have to diet and exercise just like anyone else to keep it off. The whole process of any WLS is truly one of those things where no one knows what it is like until they walk in our shoes. Unfortunately, to someone who has her mind made up, there is not much you can say to change her mind. Just keep your cool, and don't go around punching anyone in the nose. (Unless you have a good lawyer!) Leland

Leland- Thanks! I'd never punch them in the nose physically...I'd just verbally give them what-for. Christina S

Well I have a good lawyer, So I have to bite my tongue harder! Just kidding! We've all walked a mile in your shoes. I am sure everyone can tell you stories of someone they really wanted to punch in the nose, pre-op or post-op. I actually had someone tell me the surgery was "too hard". She wasn't afraid of the pain, heck, she had a C Section. But she was afraid that the diet restrictions were too hard. When she was doing Weigh****chers, if she had the whole piece of cake, she just cut back what she had the next day. With us, forget it, our bodies are not going to let us eat that whole piece of cake.

I hate people like this. they have no clue what-so-ever. I tell them that I literally know thousands of people (Here on OH) that have had surgery and are doing great. It's not easy. In no way is it easy. I think some people just can't get past that haveing surgery must be a cop-out. YOu and I and many others no it is not. I carry a before pic with me now. And people can't believe it. I have an answer for everything and any kin of question I get. I'm at the point where it's not a big deal anymore. sometimes I don't feel like defending myself nor do I think I should. It's about personal choice. I always tell people, it's not everyone but it was right for me. If you think that having your guts rearranged, eat baby food for a month or so, chew your food to nothing and watching your water, protein and vitamin intake for he rest of your life is easy, then sure, I took the easy way out. NOT!~ I guess I'm getting cranky about it. It's why I don't post on the main messageboard too much anymore. Stupidity and ignorance ****** me off. Yeah, Jane's in a bad mood today. Christina your one of sweetest people in the world. Don't let stuff like this bother you. Before you knw it people will not even mention your surgery to you. Then when you waltz into work one day wearing a size 10, looking good and your friend is still obese and eating her rabbit food, you can say hey, how's that diet working for?

Jane- Thank you so much. I guess it just hit me wrong because I've tried and tried, just like she is and I knew that for me this surgery was the only way I'd be set free. My choice, my courage, my new lifestyle. I've had so many emotional hurdles to jump that this just hit me wrong. Thanks for your support! Christina S

Christina, Let me start by saying..youre a better woman than me. I really dont know if I could have kept my cool. Im only 1 week post-op and this is by far harder than any lunge,squat thrust, or crab crawl Ive ever done! I find that when you tell larger people about WLS they are against it, and I think its because they cant image changing their lifestyle. Anyway, hang in there and keep up the good work! Courtney

Thanks Courtney. The more I thought about it I've realized that her comment was more about her than me. I *know* this isn't easy...she can't change that truth. Christina S