resulting mental isues

Boy, i would never have realized the mental issues that would come with losing all this weight. LOL. i know before i would have said i wish i could have THOSE problems.LOL. anyway, since losing weight I have come to realize that all my life i have felt like i was setteling with less than what i felt i deserved (relationships, the way people treat me, ect.) because what else could "the fat girl" expect. You know what I mean? Now I think I am starting to feel angry whenever anyone treats me in a way I think isnt what i deserve. Boy this is hard to put into words! Anyway, I seem to be angry alot. And things are difficult with my relationship with my husband because of my mental crap. I feel like I have been treated unfairly for so long! it is building up into a seriouse resentment. people that never talked to me in church now see fit to walk up and start chatting with me-now that they see me as skinny and pesentable enough to be seen with? it makes me very angry! do any of you ever feel this way? it is just annoying me to no end and I just dont know how to take these new feelings. HELP! LOL!! THANKS FOR LISTENING!!!!!!! SUSANNE

Hey Susanne, Boy do you look different! Congratulations on your loss! Re: emotional changes following WLS-- I am of little help. I go through emotional changes, but I think most of mine are due to my age. With every ten years I age, I seem to enter a new stage. I can only safely say that I don't know how I will feel tomorrow about anything. I am in the odd position of having to be flexible with myself . So, don't get exasperated with yourself. Be patient, practice introspection, get your new thoughts and feelings in order. The changing feelings can be overwhelming. Embrace the new you and try not to be frustrated all the time. And--make sure to set aside some time just for you. If you don't take care of yourself you won't have anything left for anyone else. Hugs, Lois

Hi Susanne, What you are going through is one of my biggest fears of weight loss. I am glad that I am not married and yet because I think I might feel like I settled from someone less than I deserve. I recently ended a friendship with a guy. I wasn't good enough (basically too fat) to be his girl friend but he would hang out with me when the skinny girls ignored him. I realized that I don't need people like that in my life and I basically told him I didn't want to be bothered with him anymore. I feel kind of bad about the way I blew him off, but I am glad that I don't have to waste my time with him anymore. Other people have noticed my weight loss but I haven't seen much of a change in their treatment of me. As I lose more I do get concerned that people who normally ignored me would try to be my best friend. Thank you for posting this topic so I know I am not the only one who is worried about this. Since I am new at this I really don't have much advice to give you. Have you and your husband considered going to counseling together? Elizabeth

Man, can I relate! My husband and I, who never used to argue, argue over the stupidest stuff now. My mother used to say that she'd never let him talk to me "that way" if he were her husband and I honestly didn't know what she meant until recently. He's not mean or anything, just a bit condescending sometimes and ALWAYS has to be right. Anyway, I get very angry in traffic at morons who think traffic laws don't apply to them (my biggest pet peeve) and at people at work who want to tell me about their friend's cousin who lost weight "naturally" and is keeping it off, or they want to question every morsel I put in my mouth. And the people who NEVER would have spoken to me before my 170 lb weight loss, want to be my "friend" now? No, I don't think so! I now treat them with the same disdain and "ignoring" they used to give me. And then they call me a snob. LOL. Whatever. Hurts when you get treated the same way you treat others, huh? Anyway, Good luck and everything. Tonya

You go Tonya !!! I am proud of you !! Now you have the confidence to stand up for yourself and I am so glad you are doing it. Don't take crap from anyone..I don't care if it is a stranger or a husband. (Opppppppssss..that is coming from a twice divorcee..Took me 3 times to get it right !!!) Love ya !!! Dana

Susanne, Even after the physical scars start to heal the emotional ones are still there, I can say they fad a little with time but not by much. I think if they told you everything up front folks would not be so ready to get this done. I take each day one at a time and live it to the fullest. People will be people they always will in church or out on the road. As far as settling for second best I am waving the BS flag on that. Even if folks seen me as the fat guy I never did but that has always been me, I for one don't care what folks think as long as I am comfortable in my own shoes and body, I will say I am still trying to get used to this new body thing though. remember no one can make you feel inferior with out your consent! stand up girl and be proud of who and where you came from. and fight for what you want nothing worth anything in life is ever given remember that. Will

I hear ya Susanne. I can TOTALLY relate. If I were to write me feelings regarding this issue I would be on here all dang night. There are some very shallow people in this world to sum it up in a nutshell. I remember when I lost all my weight the first time. All the "special forces" boys who lived down the street decided to invite me to one of their wild pool parties. Yeah right. They didn't remember I was the fat chic from the summer before. They thought I was some new blonde who moved into their neighborhood recently. Shallow people... and noooo I didn't go to their party !! Hugs, Dana

Susanne: I feel the same way you do. I notice that stangers in the grocery store and on the street establish eye contact and smile.....these are the same people that wouldn't give me the time of day when I was at my pre-op weight of 243 (it was much worse at my all-time high weight of 262). Also, some of the men at work are nicer to me since I am now in "onderlnad". I am the same person inside, the packaging has just changed. Go figure! Evelyn C.

I have to say that I agree with all of you. However, my best friend pointed out something to me. She said everyone has standards....even me. She is so correct. I will be having LAP-RNY next week and I know I will have many bridges to cross. But, when I found out I was having the surgery one of the first things that came out of my mouth was..."I cant wait to treat guys the way I have been treated". Im glad that my friend "set me straight" because she said just enjoy the attention and run with it.