I am a statistic.

Unfortunately, I have become a statistic. I really didn't want to be one of those women who has a RNY GB and gets divorced, but I am that woman now. My husband and I are legally separated. We signed the papers on Friday. My husband and I have had a horrible year. He has truly changed from the person I married 4 years ago. Our marriage has just been on a downward spiral since March of 2005. I've done everything I can do. Counseling hasn't helped. I don't honestly think the RNY GB has anything to do with us getting a divorce. I would have come to this conclusion either way. I just feel like people are going to label me as "one of those women" who had a RNY GB and suddenly realized she wanted a divorce.

Leland- Sorry to hear you've been going through a rough time. Take time to take care of yourself. Don't worry about the statistics or what others think...it's you and your life...you are doing what you think is right for you. Best to you, Christina S

Leland , Do not worry about what others say .. or what they think . Only you know how your life is lead .. and if this is where you are in life .. so be it . I for one can say that my RNy and my weightloss was able to give me the courage to say NO to those that hurt me .. as Obese I figured I had to settle that no one would love me .. but I was wrong ... I stood up for what I wanted and asked those around me to see me .. and not the weight .. that did not happen .. and I was hurt many times over . So for me .. I guess I am a statisitic .. and is a debatable one too I guess . Best wishes to you .. and remember you only have one life .. and life is way to short not to be happy .. Many hugs . Natalie

Hey Girl, I know exactly what you're feeling. My husband and I have been having problems since day one but we've managed to stay together. Almost 2 years ago, I made some major changes in my life (stopped drinking, smoking, got a permanent full time job, etc.) and now I've had WLS. The better I get, the more we grow apart. He isn't interested in changing. I can't make him change. We are currently in counseling but once we've exhausted that, I don't know where to go from there. I still don't know what will happen, I'm just working on me. I don't want to be a statistic either, he's already making suggestions because of my weight loss how I'm going to go out and find a cuter man. He's nuts. If only he would stop being so insecure and take some steps in the right direction, I could find hope again. When it all comes down it, if we separate, people can talk all the crap they want...I'm going to be selfish. I'd rather be at peace and happy, than in a miserable marriage. I wish you nothing but the best, Amber

Hey Amber- www.marriagebuilders.com That site, the books and marriage counseling saved my marriage three years ago. We are extremely close now and its never NEVER been this good for us. NOt even the day we married. Anyone interested in exhausting all possibilities may want to check this place out!

Thanks, MJ! I'm definitely going to check it out. Amber

Hey Leland, I am sorry things did not go the way you had hoped but things happen for a reason. Your marriage was probably in trouble before having RNY. People change and there is not much we can do about it. You can't be the only one is relationship doing all the trying..... you did what you could and now you have done what is necessary. I would not worry about anyone who says you had RNY then got divorced because they have not had to live in your shoes..... if your marriage was heading down this inevitable path, your surgery would not have made any difference. You need to look forward now. Take care of yourself and another relationship will come along when you are ready. You may have to kiss a few frogs on the way but eventually you will find someone who is worthy of you and will be happy again...... Jackie

You are right, the writing was on the wall early in our marriage. We both thought things would change and get better. They got worse. I can honestly say that the turning point in our marriage had NOTHING to do with ME, it was something HE DID. He admits it, takes responsibility for it, and believes if he hadn't done it, we wouldn't be where we are today. I have never been a very lonely person. I lived by myself for years and years before I met him. So having this time to go home every night to an empty house is not a problem for me. I can do what I want, when I want, and not have to worry. The thing that I think is crazy, two friends have already tried to set me up with other people! We just signed the papers on Friday to make everything legal. Saturday I had people wanting to set me up with people! CRAZY!

Then you have nothing to reproach yourself for Leland so you do not need to feel any of the guilt - even the sense of failure you should put firmly at his door and leave it there. I dated for 2 years before I met my present husband and I wasn't a lonely person either. I don't let a man's existance define me like some people do. Your friends probably think they are trying to help by setting you up. I can tell you from experience though that it will be much easier dating as a thinner person that what it would have been as a bigger person! You will date when you are ready and feel like venturing out into the dating world again. I am sure you won't let yoursel fbe opusged lol! Jackie

Leland dont feel like the lone ranger. I too have changed what I am willing to put up with. I still am struggling w/ having enough confidence to make the move. He has no clue. Never really did LOL. He thinks I can settle for same old same old boring life as in the past but I just can't and be happy. I have certainly tried. God help us thru this. Did u ever figure out your tummy issues?? I am having same problem. If i dont get back to work I am gonna have a problem making a move. So sad that he acts like a normal human beomg when I put things in motion to make a move. Wont last though never does. Shannon