My surgery is 2 weeks away...How often did you have second thoughts?

Ok, so 2 weeks from monday will be my "Re-Birthday". It crept up on me so fast! In fact, I've been so busy with other things, including having my "last supper" and getting prepped,when all of a sudden a few days ago it hit me "I can NEVER eat --insert food here--- again" several times, I've had this thought. I think I'm mostly okay with it, but I'm having PSUEDO second thoughts. I know absolutely that the surgery is the right decision for me, and I'm 97% sure that I won't regret it one bit. But I keep having hesitations. I'm sure this is perfectly normal, but how do you talk yourself back into the surgery. Before all it took was me coming to this site and looking at before and after pictures, and that still helps greatly, but I'm also still scared. Mostly of the emotional scars I'll no doubt be incurring, but also of the pain, the drains...I'm freaking out a little, NOT A LOT... Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to back out...I've been through too much trying to get here...but I just don't understand why I don't have the full 100% confidence that I had only a week or so ago... So....I guess besides coming here and wanting to vent all this, I'm just wondering, did you have "cold feet" or lots of "second thoughts" just before surgery, if so, how often and how easily did you re-convince yourself that you were making the right decision?

Well , let me begin by telling you .. Congrats on your upcoming surgery .. and yes .. I had moments of .. WTHeck .. but I knew in my heart that this was the only way to save my life .. the one thing that convinced me was when my son walked in on my giving myself an insulin shot .. and he did not know at that time my diabetes had gotten that bad .. his face said it all .. He was scared I was going to die .. and the mere thought of me not doing EVERYTHING I could to save my life , was enough for me to get in that car on May 27th 2004 and getting this done . Scared .. I was scared .. frightened .. but I knew that if I died then ... it was my time .. and that if I made it , I was going to give this 100 % .. and I did .. And while we go through a ton of emotions, I tell people all the time .. it get's better with each day .. and food becomes something you choose now .. it does not choose you .. it no longer has that hold on you .. while you will struggle with head hunger .. your choices are what you make it .. and trust me .. you will make some choices sometimes that may not agree... but we learn .. and we go on .. Now as a long term post op ... get rid of that thought that there are foods out there you can never have .. while no .. I doubt you will be eating KFC ... McEDEEES... or Hardees out of the gate .. but you can find so many great choices out here .. that make up for the fat laden .. sugar filled life you once led ... SO many good recipes out there that you can make .. and taste so good to you .. DO I eat pizza .. yepper .. My pizza .. I designed it to fit my lifestyle .. it has no bread and is made form a portabella mushroom .. it is scrumptious .... It is a mind game at times .. but you can do this .. YOU are now in control and you will see so much success .. and feel better than you ever have .. once the weight starts dropping .. it will amaze you .. and a year from now you will be wrting here ... and telling others .. how GBS saved your life .. May you be blessed in your journey ... and if you ever need to talk .. or vent .. or rant .. look me up .. I will be in Wonderland ... because I BELIEVE !! Always, Tink 325 lbs - Now 125 and holding on tight !

Hey there! What you are feeling is perfectly normal - we all went through periods of thinking are we doing the right thing even though common sense dictates that it is for us...... I, myself, went through periods of worrying because of my two year old son - I certainly was not ready to leave him - so it was a scary choice to make.... stay as I was and stay heavy with high blood pressure, diabetes and unfit or go through surgery and adjust to all the changes afterwards for life! I knew nothing was ever going to be the same again..... I used to be an avid reader of before and after pictures - and one thing that may help you is to go to a Support Group - there I met people who had all been though it - and they were all normal people - and I thought if they can do it, so can I....... It was fairly easy to talk myself back into surgery with the thought that I would no longer be diabetic, be fitter and would look better in nicer clothes and would be able to run and play with my son........ The pain after surgery can be controlled by pain medication so once they get that where it needs to be it really is not too bad - if you are having lap surgery the important thing to do is walk, walk, walk to get rid of gas and to prevent clots... I never had drains so I am not sure what to advise you on that.... So speaking for myself - I was scared stiff but knew I needed to do this. On the day of surgery I was extremely calm - don't know why - but I just decided to give myself into my surgeon's care and I stopped worrying........ next thing surgery was over and I knew it would get better every single day.....and it did..... Now I am 7and a 1/2 months out and 82lbs down and don't have one single regret and would do this again in a heartbeat! Good luck and stay on the board - you will get lots of help and encouragement here! Jackie

I am here to tell you that if you didn't have "Cold Feet" you would not be normal. Remember this is a surgery of choose rather than one of neccessaity. In saying that it isn't like they have said do this or die. We wouldn't second guess our doctor if we were told something that profound, now would we? Of course not. Because we all want to live and live a long old life. I can only relate my experience to you and tell you that I was scared to death even though I knew it was right for me. I waited a year trying to get an approval. It was a long time coming and gave me lots of time to really prepare for this operation. But still when the day got closer and closer (by the way that day was July 3, 2006) I was so nervous. To add fuel to my fire of doubt, when I got to the hospital that morning at 8 a.m. as my surgery was scheduled for 10 a.m. I am told to go back home because my doctor had a funeral to go to. And I was rescheduled for 3 that afternoon. I live over an hour from the hospital. So I went back home, got on the board and posted my frustrations. By that time I had calmed down, relaxed, and regained prespective. I left at 12:00 noon to be back there by 1 to prep for my 3 p.m. surgery. All went well and I did wonderfully. I can honestly say it was a breeze for me. I was in more pain from gall bladder surgery I had in 1999 than this but then I didn't get the good drugs for a gall bladder surgery that I had this go round. You are going to do fine and in a couple of months after your surgery you are going to ask yourself, "Why was I so scared?" My prayers are with you and you be sure to post again and let us all know how things went for you. Keep the faith and know you are going to do just fine. Lots of Love Kathy

Hi there- Can't add much more than the other posters already did, but just wanted to add my "I felt that way too" line. When I got to those points I would usually come here and look at all the positive things that I would be gaining again. I'll tell you...that whole "I'll never be able to eat X again" thing got to me alot too. Just remember....you may not even want X again.....or will be able to have it in smaller quantities. Never is a big word...don't get stuck on it because it's probably not true. Christina S

Thanks everyone for all your kind words and comments and re-affirmations, etc! It feels really good to get such a good reply here, I've posted sparingly in the past and haven't gotten as much of a response, so I'm glad I got so many replies when I really needed them! I do attend a monthly support group at MCV, and it's very helpful, but I've gotten to know some of those folks so well, I almost think I'd be embarrassed to tell themI was having second thoughts, even tho I know they would be just as kind and understanding as you all have. I actually wish there was a group that met locally more than once a month, because I could use group support more often than once a month...but I digress... As far as eating those bad foods again, I have heard that folks can indeed eat them, I'm really scared to allow myself, because i am the kind of person who, if I discover I can eat something, I probably will test my limits...I'm also very scared of dumping too tho, I HATE throwing up! I do hope the meds they give me are good for pain, I am such a big baby. My doc is going to attempt to do my operation laproscopically, but he said there's a good chance he may have to open me up. I'm trying not to be a pessimist, but my body rarely cooperates with anyone, especially medical folks, so I have a feeling I may wake up with a big scar down my belly, and that's ok, but I know it will mean more pain than the laproscopic approach. Thansk once again to all of you for reminding me that I am making the right decision! I will certainly check back on here before and after!

I am glad that we were able to help! You know these support group people would understand your fears only too well - they will all have had them too and can reassure you..... I attend 2 support groups a month and my friend and I are also starting one in the Stafford area in November because we are aware that we all need more support..... I have never dumped mainly because I have never tested my limits and don't want to. I also HATE the thought of throwing up or feeling so bad therefore I have never even tried to go back to my old ways..... I had open RNY - because that was mostly what my surgeon did at that time but I was not concerned about it because he is the expert on doing what he is most comfortable doing.... and my scar is only 2-3 inches long - but each surgeon is different.... and it wasn't really that much pain - it takes a little longer to heal but the end result is the same and I did not suffer from some of the gas that the lap people suffer from. We hope to see you back posting soon!! Jackie

Hi Topher, Just let the doubts wash over you like ocean waves over the rocks. I had Dr. Kellum and the great Drs. Kouzahm(sp?) and Lee. It seems so long ago. The results are so unbelievably worth it. I haven't felt so good since I was 24 -- 31 years! Can't wait 'til I have my lab work done for the first time this coming week. Good luck and do keep us posted. Lois