Introduction and a little help needed...

Hi, my name is Erika and my surgery is tentatively scheduled for 9/13 - about two weeks from now! I am excited and nervous at the same time, since I have never had any kind of surgery before or been in the hospital except to visit. I have a few questions/concerns that I hope someone can help with. First of all, I live alone. I have a friend a few doors down that can make grocery runs or drive me somewhere if necessary, but the friend that was supposed to stay with me had a family emergency and will not be in town. Has anyone else been alone after surgery? Second, I have still not told my parents. I am an adult and they live hours away, but they are still very judgemental about all my decisions. Any advice on how to bring up the subject? I told my brother recently and his advice was "don't tell them," but I don't think I can live with that. Thanks!

Erika- Welcome to the VA Board! As far as being alone after surgery, it may be ok, but I certainly wouldn't recommed it. I needed help getting up out of chairs, the bed, etc. As far as your parents, I would tell them. Not that anything will go wrong, but heaven forbid it does you wouldn't want them to find out that way. I didn't tell my parents until I was firm in my decision and armed with LOTS of information. I told my mom first...she had a billion questions, but in the end said "It's your decison and it sounds like you thought it out and did your reasearch". BUT, my parents have always been supportive as long as they feel I'm not being rash. SO...I'm sure you'll get some other responses...but that's my two cents! Again, welcome! Christina S

Hi Erika, Best wishes on your surgery, I know everything will go great and you will be on the losing side, gaining health as you lose the lbs. I live alone and was just fine after surgery. I had stocked up before going in to the hospital with all the allowed foods, which wasn't much since I was on clear liquids for 4 weeks, so I didn't need to go anywhere. My sister drove me home from the hospital and waited around while I took a shower, which was just heavenly. She made sure I had everything I needed and then I sent her home. I've always been independent, and never once thought I needed someone with me. I had pain meds to help me sleep at night, and just walked, sipped, and watched TV or read during the day. Friends and family visited but I was OK when by myself. You should be too. I didn't tell a lot of people about the surgery beforehand but I made sure all my loved ones knew what was going to happen. I hate it when I'm left out of the loop so I didn't want to treat them any different than I would expect to be treated. However, it all depends on how you tell them. Present it as a fact, not something up for debate, and stand firm in your convictions. Your parents can judge all they want, but unless they are paying for it, the decision is yours alone. Remember, you cannot change them, you can only change the way you react to them. Be strong! Good luck, Carole

How in the world can someone know they will have a "family emergency" more than 2 weeks from now???

What type of surgery are you having? Lapband is not too bad as far as recovery goes. The only restriction I had was no driving while taking narcotic pain meds (no problem) and not lifting anything over 25 lbs for 30 days. For RNY I have no clue-I am sure it is more dibilitating. Bob

Erika - good luck for surgery! What type are you having? I had open RNY and although I had a lot of help at home I really didn't need anyone to help. It may be a little scary alone though - in which case your insurance may authorise a couple of more night s stay in the hospital to give you a better chance of recovery - you should talk with them and your doctor about it. As for telling your parent - I hardly told a sole that I was having surgery - including all my family - I did not want people's opinion or judgements on my decision especially when they had never gone through this surgery so they would have had no real knowledge to offer. And even now after surgery I have not told many of my family - they live in Scotland so it is not as if I am likely to bump into them anytime soon. My family tend to be very self opinionated on issues that they know nothing about. I will be going home probably next year and will watch their reaction to the new me - when it is too late for them to give me any "advice". Surgery - especially this type of surgery - is a very personal choice. I think you can tell them if you want to or wait until afterwards and tell them when you are ready to. Just my humble opinion..... Jackie

Hi Erika, Best wishes for an uncomplicated and successful surgery. I am so happy for you that you will be on the losing side very soon. I am in agreement with the others that you should tell your parents and simply present it as a fact, not something that you are still "thinking about" doing. Be sure to bring all the information you have about the surgery, what to expect after surgery, etc. with you when you tell them. This way you will be armed with answers for the numerous questions that they will undoubtedly have. I have recently made the decision to have surgery after previously being talked out it of by my parents and cousins because they thought I could lose the weight if I really put my mind to it. Well, I gave it another try, and now I am sitting here 10 pounds heavier than before the last diet. I am sure everyone is familiar with that routine. So I finally got enough nerve to tell my mother that I have an appointment with the surgeon for a consult and I am hoping to have the surgery before 2006 is over. She of course was not supportive at first (concerned for long term health problems brought on by the surgery and that it "didn't work" for two friends of hers). But I simply said that I am doing it and that's that. I told her that I would love to have her support and help throught this, but with or without it, I am making a change that will improve my life. After that she settled down, realizing that she better stand with me or she might be standing against me ALONE. So good luck to you. Be STRONG. You are doing what you need to to do to be healthy and everyone is here is cheering you on and will be there for you! Robin

Erika, If someone you love n your family (father, mother) was having major surgery, would you want to know? How would you feel if you didn't find out until afterwards? What if, God Forbid, something happened to them. Would you feel OK with that, or would you feel betrayed, left out, hurt, angry? You have to ask yourself these questions. Depending on your answers -- do what works for you. You know, you do not have to tell them what you are having done. You could be having a surgery on your esophagus for acid reflux or hernia repair for example. Work around it if you do not want to discuss WLS. I had a friend who said she was having a cyst removed. Just my thoughts. CathyA

I definately agree with everyone that I need to tell them, it is just a matter of how. I know that I would feel betrayed if they did not tell me before major surgery. Wish me luck!