Negative Unsolicited Advice from Co-worker~Rant

Hi everybody! Let me tell you what happened at work on Saturday. I have been following the nutritionist's guidelines, and the great advice I got from y'all on the board, before my surgery. I've lost about 10 pounds. Not that I notice, except my clothes aren't strangling me . But some of the other nurses at work have noticed, and one of them says to me: "Kate, have you lost weight? You look smaller!" I say: "Oh, maybe a little, I've started doing some of the things I'll be doing after I have my surgery." Then she says "See, you don't need that awful surgery! You are doing it all by yourself!" I was shocked! I just stared at her, for a moment. Then I remembered what I heard at that first seminar. So I said: "You know what? Virtually no one who loses weight by dieting keeps it off in the long run, but almost all people who get surgery stay small, forever." She acted like I was a quitter... Why the hell do people feel obligated to put their 2 cents in, and why do people think being fat is all about being lazy? I've lost weight dozens of times! I just can't keep it off, by myself. BTW, she it about the size of a 4th grader...SIGH... Thanks for listening! Kate

Don't let her get ya down Kate! Unfortunately there are many people in this world that think this way. If it was as easy as she wants to make it seem, none of us would risk our lives to have surgery. 5 years ago, when my mom had WLS, I said, "No way will I ever do that to myself. I can just not eat for a few months and I'll be good." Obviously that is not the case...here I am 5 years later, recovering from the surgery that will give me my life bac****ep your head up girl! You are taking control of your life...you should be proud of that! Christine

I had two co-workers who were negative about my surgery. One was genuinely concerned. The other's motives I ALWAYS question. DO NOT LET THEM BRING YOU DOWN! Our vet told me the other day when she first saw me she wondered what horrible ailment I had contracted to make me lose so much weight. I extolled the virtues of having the surgery and about how great I feel now. I just wanted her to know to her face what a blessing my RNY has been. I refuse to let these folks make me feel defensive--so I mount an active OFFENSE. Good luck, Lois

there are 2 types of people: those who just don't have a clue.... and those who are just mean! NEITHER one will ever change. Those who don't have a clue (those size 4 types) won't ever have a clue. One has to walk in obese shoes to fully understand what that feels like ... and well.... then there are mean people....what more is there to say....their answer would be negative as long as it conflicts with what you are saying or doing. Realize the you are one of a very special group. We're called "losers." That word took on a whole new meaning after I had WLS. I like being a loser. Be glad you are, too. Those who don't have a clue will never ever know the pure joy we experience in gaining control of our lives. love,

I notice that the comments like those are from people who are jealous or the people who have never experienced life as a morbidly obese individual or had any sort of weight issue in their lives. Allow yourself to be in your own little happy world around people that are negitive influences...just smile and tell them you are completely happy with what you have chosen and are so impatient for the big rebirth day! Just let your excitement flow right out of you. Sometimes happiness makes negitive people SO ANGRY! LOL Chuckle away! We are here for you and I am sure EVERY single one of us post op has come into a nay sayer. Screw them! Be happy honey! Stay focused on your plan! Hugs! Shele

This is why I've armed myself with a motto: Weight loss surgery is NOT for sissies! It's a very brave thing to do....first for yourself but also for the people in your life that you care about. My loss will have a huge ripple effect that I can't wait to stand back and watch. For one thing, I'm expecting a whole lot more time in my life...time to do stuff that I can't do now because I am just too slow at everything. That will positively effect a lot of people. The pace of my life gets faster and faster......while I've gotten slower and slower. I want back in on life's great race to the finish and this surgery is the ONLY way. I've had one persistently negative person whom I know is that way because she wants me to stay fat with her....only because she doesn't have the courage to do this for herself. And the next time she knocks my efforts I'm just going to have to say to her, "So....what's it to YOU?" Congratulations on having the courage....and shame on any nurse who would be so uneducated in today's medical world. For that matter ALL surgeries are AWFUL......but they are done because they are life saving. Go get 'em!!!! Amy

I hear ya there Kate. I want to say most of the time these ridiculous comments are from well meaning people who are so sadly misinformed..Maybe they don't mean any true harm by what they are saying...BUT then sometimes I know differently. I don't think people who have not walked this path will ever understand. I was constantly watched and commented on when I was full time in the ER. I would lose weight and people would say I was too thin..gain weight and they would ask me why I let myself get chunky again. After I had WLS there were many comments also..but thank god I had resigned by then. There are so many busybodys in the world. You will be giving those nurses and other employees something to talk about for a long time now...and for a few years to come !!!! Hugs, Dana

Hiya Kate, Know what? Often times it seems the folks who make these sorts of comments know very little or nothing at all about our surgeries and also they seem to be curious but instead of asking questions they make comments because they are scared. Others are just down right negative because it's their nature and they have not had to deal with obesity. Here's the deal she doesn't walk in your shoes now does she? Nope! Only YOU know how it feels, the struggles you have been through, the sleepless nights and crying because it's been the TOTAL opposite...you haven't quit! THOUGHT: I AIN'T NO QUITTER to quote a cute song! Hold your head up high and say I'm making this change in my life for me and I want to LIVE! Hugs, Kat

Hi Kate. Sorry you had to deal with something like that. Some people just don't get boundaries, do they? My husband and I have discussed people like this before. They are either outright mean, or more often than not, they just don't come equipped with a "sensitivity" filter. Most of us know, most of the time, what is acceptable to say and what isn't. However, there are some out there that don't seem to have been born with that gene. One more thought.... My father rides motorcycles, and on his desk, he has a sign that reads something to the effect of, If you understand why I ride motorcycles, no explanation is necessary, if you don't no amount of explanation will do. I wish I could remember the exact phrasing, but I think that applies to WLS. There are those out there that understand, and more often than not, those that don't never really will. Ultimately, unless they are my immediate family, I care not what they think. It's my life, my decision. Take Care. ~Ellen

Hey Kate, I so understand what you are saying because I have been told this by my boss (who went on a crash diet the minute he knew I was serious about WLS & has lost 80 pounds), he tells me over and over that if I wanted to loss the weight all I have to do is diet & exercise like he has. I grant you he was well over 300 lbs at the beginning of his dieting phase and I am very happy he has been able to loss the weight. But like you said, how long will he be able to keep this up. I need something that will ensure that the weight won't come back and I know if I follow the plan, use the tool and listen to my body I can be successful at this. My boss doesn't agree with my decision and thus he's made it very difficult for me to take time off for the surgery. He's fighting me on every hand. Keep me in your thoughts and send positive vibes my way. I am going to need them to get through the rest of this month and see July 3rd. That's my surgery date. I am so sorry that there are people out there that don't understand what "WE" go through or see the desparate measures we take to reclaim our lives. Just keep your chin up and one day that 4th grade size nurse will be FAT and you will be Thin & Sleek. That's when you can get your revenge without saying a word!! Lots of Love Kathy-26 days & counting