The Journey 11/10

Today I want to talk about something different from diet and exercise.

I want to talk about relationships.

I've been divorced since 1998, separated since 1995, and there was no sex in the relationship since 1987. That's how long I've been celebate. He was my second husband, and we married in 1980. It was his choice to end the sexual part of our relationship. It was my choice to end the marriage.

In both of my marriages, the relationship started off with a very active sexual relationship. In both cases, the sex pretty much stopped after about 7 years. I can sure pick them!

I have not met anyone since my second marriage. I don't go out to bars, everyone I've met in clubs, work, etc. since then are always married/committed, or gay. I have many male friends but that's as far as it goes. I tried the internet thing, but every man *****sponded was weird. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my age. Men always want young women.

I did make contact with my childhood sweetheart, and he sends me a daily email. He is married and is not looking to change that.

I know a lot of you thing Mary Jo Rapini is all that, but I personally was very offended at her talk. I think her advice is probably mostly good, but it needs to be presented one on one, or in a small female-only group. After her talk at the convention, I tried to ask her what a long-time single woman should do. She pretty much blew me off with "Get a man on the internet."

I love my daughters and grandkids, but they are pretty much my entire life. I love my gay  guys, but they have their own lives. There are times I just would like to have a little male companionship.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Lynne, I can't imagine being in the dating world at this stage in life. I have many single women friends in their 40's and 50's who are in the same situation you are. They have had great success with EHarmony and with local clubs. Singles club tht don't "set people up" but arrange group activities for singles to meet at a wide variety of venues. Is there a singles group at your church? How about a special interest group? a politcal volunteer group? How about taking a class in something that interest you and meet people that way. You may not meet the one, but you may meet someone that introduces you to the one.

I am sorry you were offended by Mary Jo's talk. However, everyone knew what the topic was. She is a clinical sex therapist. Maybe you can request that she do something on relationships next year instead of our sexual relationship after surgery. Heck with what she told us we don't need a man at all to take care of some of our needs! Maybe thinking a lil different and combine some of her info and  stepping outside the box and trying new things in the community might work together well.

Since she wasn't there for individual sessions and had great demands on her time. I am sure she did not mean to blow you off and if she did well I hate that that happened to you. However using the internet to find out what is going on in your community...politics, cooking classes, historical societies, clubs, volunterr groups...and by putting yourself out there may lead to Mr Right or just Mr Right now!

Good luck and know I hope I said this with kindness that is the way it was intended!
Meggie

Meggie, I have tried book clubs, etc., but they seem to be all women or gay guys. I love my gay guys, but that's not what I'm looking for. The church has almost no single men, and the ones they have are much younger.

Yes, I knew what Mary Jo's talk was about, which is why I waited until it was almost over before I went in the room. I've heard pretty much the same talk from her numerous times. I'm aware of how to take care of my "special needs" but a BOB (battery-operated boyfriend) isn't much on conversation and hugs.

I did try a "over 50" internet site and got weirdos looking for women "from 25-75".  I did have one guy email me who told me I seemed like a very nice person and that I should not be trying to find someone online.

I appreciate your kind words.

LYNNE-Have you looked into any of the internet sites that are SPECIFICALLY geared for "mature people"? I see them advertised on FB all the time. What about joining a book club at Barnes and Noble-something you do WITHOUT kids? When you respond to a post-or even when you make your profile MAKE IT CRYSTAL CLEAR what you are looking for-what YOUR expectations are. I know MANY couples who met online and are now married--or at least had alot of fun and free dinners!

I don't have any advice on meeting someone, but I agree that OH should consider having someone talk about relationships and WLS at their next convention.  I did not go to Mary Jo's talk because I have heard it twice already and didn't think she was going to say anything different the third time.

To me, it is not helpful to listen to a small, perky woman who is not overweight or had WLS talk about having sex with yourself.  Even those of us who are married have body image issues before and after WLS.  Before it was trying to find something in a whale size that still looked sexy and now it is trying to find something to prop up the saggy boobs and hide the saggy skin.

I think Meggie has a good idea about volunteering in politics because I think it would attract more men than other gatherings. 

I hear You!  I have been divorced since 1996 and haven't dated at all.  I work in a school district and most of the people I work with are female.  I am alittle scared to get online and find someone.  I think this stems from the old feelings of  inadequacies being fat.  I would like to find someone to just hold hands with and go places with.  Let me know what works for you.

I always wanted to try www.eventsandadventures.com/ . It always sounded like so much fun! Look into it. They have gatherings all of the time and you can just pick the ones that sound like fun to you.

I thought about that too - but I figured it was a "club" of sorts and probably costs.......but I haven't looked into that too much myself....

I know what Lynne is going through.....the BOB is just not affectionate enough for me either !!  lol
but it is disease free - no worries there !! lol


I have had experience in the Internet dating thing too.......I can take it or leave it - you just have to be picky -   common sense too - I mean - YOU DON'T OBVIOUSLY go to dangerous places that could lead to other things......cars, parks, etc, etc...........I ALWAYS MEET IN A PUBLIC RESTAURANT OR SOMEPLACE JUST TO GET TEA, COKE, ETC.....that way - its not too expensive of a date for YOU if you get stuck with the tab !!  lol    (maybe the guy will duck out on ya or me, in my case....)  lol       but that hasn't happened to me yet..........but always thinking ahead - there are a lot of crazies out there.....YOU JUST GOTTA BE CAREFUL AND USE COMMON SENSE ON THE INTERNET DATING.................

Hi Lynne,

Just want to say that you deserve a "pat on the back" for share this with us so honestly. 

Have you concidered eHarmony.com, or something like that?

I've been married for so long, it would really be rough for me to, so I can relate.

Hugs,
Lisa

Lynne,

Why is it you always get me to pipe up one more time when I swore I would quit preaching and get along.


here's the deal.  Dating websites are trash and a waste of time and money, Match, eharmony (ungawdly expensive) plentyoffish, yahoo, chemistry, singleparentmeet - you name it and you will find my profile.  I have been on all of them for over 5 years and can count on a single hand the men who would even contact me.   Got one relationship out of it, and when I lost weight, he dumped me. 

The men that are real, won't talk to you and the ones that do, you should be scared of AND NEVER EVER MEET ALONE.  Am I picky, well yeah, but I have a daughter to consider and I should never compromise just for the sake of having a 'man'.

Okay, back in my HOLE, again!  I mean it this time

This is MY story and i'm sticking to it.

Now, you set your standards and your red flags if you do decide to do something like that and DON'T COMPROMISE.  You want what you want and nothing less.