Confusion..

Hi all..hope you are all doing well! I spoke to my sister today for the first time about my decision to have this surgery and I guess it left me feeling a bit confused.. she brought up some really good questions about my choices and whether or not it would be a good decision for me or not. I know in my heart of hearts that I want and need this surgery however she asked me straight up why can I not do this on my own, why do I feel I have to go to such drastic measures to accomplish the weightloss and basically said if I can not stick to a diet or lifestyle change now how can I ever expect to stick to it after surgery!? That this is a head issue for myself.. that if I really decided to change things and get healthy that I could do it myself, alot slower of course but that I would feel alot better about myself in the end when I reached the goal, even if it takes me 2 years to reach it. My first reaction is anger and feeling once again that she just doesnt understand, but I have spent alot of time thinking about this today and she has a good point.. I have never stuck with a diet for very long.. I hit the first plateu and quit.. when I tried exersize I hurt and let the humiliation get in the way and quit that too.. so maybe she has a point..how can this surgery work if I can't make myself change things now?? She said why spend thousands on a surgery that can potentially fail for me in the long run, that she knew a lady who had the surgery and had nothing but problems afterwards and gained back the wt in a short time.. I tried to explain that It is only a tool and that if I don't follow the rules of the tool I too will fail and I know that up front, that I have no real willpower and never have had any really that I was hoping with the smaller tummy and the feeling full faster and the dumping to help me stay on track that in time i hoped to be able to change my old habits and create healthy ones.. am I being unrealistic here?? I just don't know what to feel anymore.. all I know is bottom line.. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY and Be able to LIVE rather than sitting in my house unable to do anything anymore..whatever it takes.. so does that mean I should try one more diet and see if I can stick to it this time, then have surgery after I change my way of eating?? ??? Dawn

Dawn, I totally understand what you are saying. I've been questioning my decision to have this surgery on Wednesday. I wonder to myself why not just try another diet and exercise? Then I realize that in all honesty it will not work. Yes...it may work for a little while. But I'd gain it all back in such a short time. Then I think about the surgery itself. It is a drastic measure to take. But this much I know for sure....It will MAKE me stay on track. I won't be able to eat 24/7. I WON'T be able to eat a whole gallon of ice cream or a whole large pizza. I WILL lose weight. The majority of people keep off the weight they lose. Some gain back a little. But for the most part you will stay thinner than if I did a diet and exercise plan. This tool will force you to lose weight. Once I lose the weight then it won't hurt so bad to exercise. I might not continue to exercise, but it won't hurt like it hurts now at 480 pounds. I know in my heart that if I don't have surgery I will continue to grow and then I will DIE. I'm only 26 years old. I don't want to die this young. It takes a lot of willpower to stick to a diet. But having this surgery does not take that much. Not like dieting anyways. I also know of a person who had the surgery and lost the weight. Then she gained "some" of the weight back. She is STILL what I would call "skinny." But she gained a little back because she doesn't take care of herself. She don't take vitamins, she don't eat good for you food. She eats junk food. That is all she eats. I love this person as a sister. But the little she gained back could have been prevented if she also ate good for you stuff. I think it is 90-something % of people who have surgery keep off the weight. Compare that to I think it is 3% of people keep it off by dieting and exercising. In other words it is rare for a person to be able to keep off the weight unless he or she has surgery. I am NOT trying to tell you what to do. Honey....listen....this is your body and your health on the line. DO NOT let your sister make up your mind for you. She does not understand what you are going through. Only you....and I mean ONLY YOU understand exactly what you are feeling and going through. This surgery will sort of force you to be better at eating less. There is no way that you are I could possibly eat that whole large pizza by ourselves. We could eat maybe a slice or two later on. This makes you eat less so you don't keep gaining. And I know in my heart that if I go on another diet I won't be able to keep the weight off. So for me surgery is my only choice. Forget what everybody else says. Look deep inside your heart and pray to God...if you are the praying type. You will find out what is best for you. No one can tell you what is best for you except you and God. I will pray that you can find the answers in your heart. I know how hard this is for you. I've been going through it too. I wish the best in whatever you decide to do. Email me anytime if you need to talk. Lots of hugs to you. Julie

hi. I havent had my surgery yet but am supposed to have it on the 31st. I weigh 366 and I can not live like this anymore. I want my life back! I feel as if I have had it stolen from me. I can't tell you what to do , but I know allot of people that have said the same thing to me. First of all I know that when I have the surgery I will not feel as hungry and to put myself through all that I know I am going to do everything I can to do it right. After all these years I finally have help that I have been praying to God for, and you better beleive me I intend to make this a whole new life for myself. Please don't let anyone elses opinions make up your mind. Get on your face and pray and ask the Lord of your life to help you make the right decision for yourself. .......Sheila

HI Dawn, your sister cares for you, but doesn't sound like she's giving you the support that you need. My half sister's daughter was so over weight that she couldn't walk. In Jan. 2003 she had the surgery. She now weighs my weight of 290 and walking for the first time in years. My parents and siblings don't want me to have this surgery. My younger son, Scott, doesn't want me to have it, in his words he would rather I just live out my days without the surgery. My parents are afraid that I will go thru this and die, or be constantly sick like my niece Lisa. Well, I'm not Lisa, I have never met Lisa or any of my half sisters family. Shoot far I only met Patty in Nov. 99. Didn't know I had a sister 8 years older then me. But the last time I talked with Patty, said Lisa stays sick to her stomach and it's been over a year. That all she does is walk around with a spoon, peanut butter, and milk. Some habits are hard to change and you have to be willing to change you lifestyle. Just dieting and exercise will loss you a few pounds. But eventually, you will forget or something comes up, and the 60 day diet just went out the window. It's your life, your body, your decision. Also think about this, all the health problems that come with being obese, they aren't just going to go away, they will get worse, and if later down the road you decide to try this again and have the surgery, you may not be able to by then. Dawn, I am almost 51 come September. If I don't do this now for me, I will never be able to do come a year or two down the road. My have high blood pressure that runs on both sides of my family, including strokes, and diabeties. So before my health can get worse, I am going to get better first. So think real hard about this. Obesity is a disease, it won't go away, it will only get worse. Do it for yourself, and trust God to show you the right way, and guide you on this journey. Kathy

Thank You Julie, Dixie, Sheila, and Kathy..I appreciate your responses as today was a very hard day for me and I really needed that. I have wanted this for a very long time and I have definitely done my research on this surgery..pros and cons..and had decided in my heart what I believed to be the right choice for me. I Know that I need to just trust God more and believe that He will open doors if it is meant to be..it is just that sometimes I lose my focus for a bit and over analyze everything.. I do not know why , maybe it is fear of the unknown, or fear of letting myself believe it will happen only to get a big NO from the insurance.. I donno.. But I talked at length to my husband tonight and he helped me to understand, that no matter how good our families intentions are or how much they worry for us, truthfully, they do not live in our bodies and can never really know what we live everyday of our lives as severely obese as I am. Lord knows I dearly love my sister, and after my mother passed away at 49 yrs old, she was the one who kinda stepped into mama's shoes for all of us kids and her opinion means more to me than I think she even knows. I see my father suffer daily with his health and found out today that he was hospitalised for congestive heart failure and had not told any of us..I see him slipping away from us and I can not do a single thing about it and so I definitely do not want to in any way add to his stress or worries etc..but in all honesty, I have been warned already by several doctors that I would die if I didn't change things and NOW (due to my heart as well)..so I guess I know my answer..thank you all for allowing me to vent as today was just one of those days we wish we could sleep through and forget.. Tomorrow is a new day.. You all are awesome and I send you all my best wishes and many hugs and prayers..God Bless!!! Dawn

Dawn - My younger sister is a big influence on me. More than anyone, I value her input and thoughts. I think your sister is just trying to make you think, to make sure you want to really do this. Mine did, and I was glad that she made me stop and think. I went ahead, and everyone has been wonderfully supportive. Only you know what it is like to live in your body. You alone have the power to make the decision and make the needed changes. I don't blame you for thinking a 2nd or 3rd time - I know it took me several years to really ramp up and make the final decision to apply for the insurance approval to get it done. Now that my surgery is over (7-27) and I am feeling better, I know I made the right choice for me. I am losing weight, and I am determined to use the tool provided me. It sounds like you are too. Self doubt is tough to deal with, but it sounds like your hubby is wonderful to support you. I think your sister must love you very much to want to make sure you will be alright. Jules

This surgery is a TOOL, you can't hammer a nail in now with your hands, can you? No, you don't have the right tool. The surgery takes MOST (read that again: MOST) of the food decisions off you. You will not have the CHOICE to overeat (after you do it once, you won't want to do it again!!!) Look at the statistics for weight loss success....I read 2%-5% manage to lose the weight and keep it off, that means 95% - 98% DON'T. Yes, there are people who this surgery does not work for, but those are few and far between. I think most of us who have had the surgery felt that we would be one of those people. But chances are, you WON'T be one. I have never had any willpower, I'd lost weight SEVEAL times (using diet pills from dr. not a good way, I learned), but it always came back, soon, and brought friends! LOL. Now, 3 years post op, I'm down a little over 200 pounds and have kept it off, easily. This surgery IS my will power. That, and knowing how much better I feel, being healthy again is a great motivator. Is it easy? Yes and no. I still have to make good food choices, but it IS easier now. Do I still "cheat"? Sure, but now I'm satisfied with ONE cookie, not a whole bag full. Would I do it again? YES, YES, YES, in a HEARTBEAT. BUT: you need to make this decision for YOURSELF, no one else. Make sure YOU are ready, and that this is what YOU want. Don't do it or not do it for anyone other than you. Know the risks, weigh the risks and benifits, and decide for YOURSELF. Just my humble opinion, for what it's worth..... Cyndi

Dawn, You have to do what is best for you and you alone. I can tell you, that I tried diet after diet and failed over and over again, always gaining not just what I had taken off but additional weight also. My surgery has FORCED me to make life changes. Not only in the amounts but often times in the product itself. Yes, I do still eat non-diet things but feel very satisfied with 1/4 -1/8 of what I used to consume of that same product. I can't eat a whole piece of pizza or a whole piece of anything for that matter. Food is not the center of my life right now. It isn't my main focus in life any longer. I have found other ways to handle stress other than eating. I wish you luck in your decision. By the way I'm 6 weeks post-op with no problems. Hopefully none will arise. I do not overeat, and if I continue to not force more than I can handle I believe I will be successful. Anne

Hi Dawn, This thought just popped up into my brain out of no where. Remember this golden rule. Right now you live to eat, after surgery, you will eat to live. It won't consume you like it does now. Best wishes, sweetie, kathy