just a thought........

I am sitting here just wondering something.....I have spent my whole life hateing what I looked like. Hateing the weight. Wondering who would I be if I were thinner..much thinner? I have often thought here lately, with a surgery date of july 29th, what if i have this doen..lose a smart amount of weight...and still look in the mirror and not like who i am? I have always thought that what i looked like is what would make me happy? Does anyone identify with this? I am a good person, giving when i can be. I help when I can. I offer a shoulder to almost anyone. I am in theraoy and have been for most of my life. I was sexually abused at age 4 and abandoned by my mom at age 7. I had a terrible childhood. But I do not hate anyone for this. I just want to love me. I want to walk into a room and not feel like everyone is thinking..omg look at that fat woman!!! I want to play with my kids and do things with them rather than watching them. I want to walk into walmart and be able to buy clothes for myself. And not in the plus size section either! I am 5 feet 5.5 inches. I weigh 364 lbs. Has nayone out there been around that much and got down to a sz. 12? I want to be a sz. 12 sooo bad! I dream of a day when I can wear tommy and ralph lauren clothes. Not that I will be able to afford them, but could find my size in them anyways...lol. Maybe this is all pre surgery jitters. I just know..that living the rest of my life like i am now..is not something I look forward to. I want to love me..i want to really love who I am. Has anyone been like this and after losing weight found that they did like who they became and felt whole? Or am I just crazy as a lunatic? LOL ok..maybe I need sleep. Anyways..to all those preparing for surgery the next few weeks, May God hold you in his hands and your doctor to! I wish you the best of luck and blessings galore!!! Sincerely, Your friend, Peggy

Peggy, I'm just 2 weeks post-op, so I can't answer a lot of your questions. I do know that when I look into the mirror I try to see the person I am not just the body that person is in. I know that I'm a good person, so the weight doesn't make feel like I'm not. You have to love yourself prior to surgery to love yourself after. That's just my opinion and not the gospel. I would also love to go to the regular racks and buy clothes. I would like to go to the beach and not look like the whale that just washed up. There are lots of things that I would love, and this surgery is a tool to get myself there. But I also love myself the way I am because I know I'm a good person with a good heart that would do anything for anyone. Just think about that......see where it leads you. Anne

hello my surgery is the same day as yours so i can't really talk about what i will feel after it.but i will say this i think with or with out this surgery you have to grow to love your in the skin you in or it wont matter what size you are or who makes the cloths you have on. i have not always loved myself but the crazy part is i was skinny and wasnt loving my self .i had my kids got big and got help.i love me big or small now.but it wasnt a easy thing to do.i still have my days when i get depressed and looking at pics of myself i may not love the shape of my body but i love me.i will send you up prayers tonight and pray and hope that you become happy with you and that you have a safe surgery.

Hi Peggy There is no doubt that the weight loss changes every aspect of our lives . I will tell you that i found myself not being the jolly fat person i was at 334 pounds. All of a sudden i found that i can go to a party and just sit back and enjoy the enviroment and take it all in . i dont have to be life of the party anymore just to fit in .If you are a good person now you still will be after your surgery . You will find yourself being able to be more giving of yourself and your energy simply because you have more to give . Aug the 16th it will be 5 yrs since i had wls and i can tell you that old habbits are hard to break . Even though i dont wear a size 24 anymore i still will go and look at the clothes on that rack first .now i cant tell you why i do it but i still do .Im 5ft 8 and i got down to a size 8 . So a size 12 is a more than reasonable goal for you .i have gained some of my weight back . Im in that size 12 you are looking so forward to being .I can honestly say that im loving me more now today than i have ever loved me .This was the hardest thing for me to do ,to love myself ,i couldnt weighing 300+ pounds .There will be alot of changes for you ahead, mostly for the good ,Changes in the way people look at you and respond to you as a person .Seemed to me all of a sudden i became human , people found out i had a opinion on things and feelings just like they did. Amazing.... Even more amazing my wonderful husband of 23 yrs all of a sudden found he had a partner and companion again .My children found they had a mother they could be proud of and that actually would go out and ride bikes and swim with them and ride the rides at dollywood with them and coach their cheerleading teams. i have learned to love me again . You will to . Good luck . God bless you . Elizabeth