Had a hard talk with my mother....

Last night I called my mother. I was waiting on calling her until after my first visit with the surgeon. I know how much she worries so I thought it best to wait instead of telling her sooner. She broke down crying and asking me why. She said she loved me just the way I was. She didn't want me to die. Well Mom, I'm gonna die young if I stay this size or keep gaining weight. I don't want to die young, I told her. I am doing this for my health and so I will hopefully live longer. I told her this was something I had to do, something that I wanted, and that I had researched this for a long time before making my final decision. She doesn't want me to go through with the surgery, she is afraid she will lose me. She is scared. Then I talked to my step-father, Joe. He took it pretty good. He is also worried about me. But he said they will support me in my decision even if they don't like it. He is worried about the complications I might have. He wanted to make sure I knew of all the risks and complications and to think really hard before I did anything. Finally I talked to my mother again. She had calmed down. She told me to let her know as soon as I knew when the surgery was going to be. She would come down and be with me. Later last night my sister called me...because Mom wanted her to. So I told her about the surgery. She thinks it will be good. On another note, I found out that my sister is not expecting twins. What a relief. She already has a six month old baby girl now. She is expecting to have a baby boy November 30th, my father's birthday. The first baby, Cierra, was born the day before my birthday last year. What a wonderful early birthday present.

Julie I know it was hard for you to talk to your mom, but it is good that you did.. You can use lots of support. I am sure they will come around, It would be crazy not to be scared of the risks involved. I am too scared but feel the surgery benefits out weighs the risks. Good luck to you Michelle

Julie, I just went through that period of stress about telling people close to me about the surgery, so I can definitely empathize. It is unfortunate that they are putting their worries on you, but it is also understandable; you are their daughter and they care about you a great deal, it sounds like. You should send them some printed information because the more they know about the surgery the more confident they will be in your decision, that it is the right decision for you. You should also direct them to this site so that they can read about the experiences and emotions other people have with the surgery and possible complications. I wish you the best of luck. Margaret

Hugs to you Julie, I know how hard this decision is for all of us to make and then it seems we worry so much about sharing our decision with the ones we love and who love us.. but what I did was to first come here, researched hundreds of profiles and spent many many hours making notes and urls to different profiles I had found that were full of the good AND the bad of the whole thing and then brought my folks in and asked them to take some time to read what I found.. then we sat and discussed the whole thing at great length. pros and cons etc.(LOTS of tears shed that night) ;) I knew step mommy dearest would be all for it since, from the beginning (12 yrs) she's put me down about my size, NEVER wasting a single chance to humiliate me and make me hate myself more for the frumpy ugly me, but Daddy was another story.. he worried and etc but like I explained to him, this is a decision I HAD to make and I made it for me..That I was not going to back down for anyone (I simply told them in hopes for thier support and prayers and out of respect) because if it meant dying from a complication, atleast I would have died FIGHTING for a chance at being healthier and living longer! Instead of sitting here waiting to die! If we look at the hard facts.. truth is, without the surgery, I would be dead or atleast refined to a wheelchair in another year without any doubt! SO, what I am trying to say is, keep your eyes focused on what is right for YOU and in the end when they see how things can help and change your life for the better.. they will come around..they only worry because they love you! Good Luck with your decision and your journey! If you ever need to chat I am here.. that goes for anyone ..I don't think ANY of us can have too much support in these trying and frightening times! (on my profile, if you scroll to my last entry, at the bottom..there is a letter from my daughter who at the beginning faught me EVERY step of the way, and how she evolved in the last few mths..maybe it will encourage you as it did me.) HUGS! Dawn Knoxville

You did the right thing Julie. Talking with them was the best thing you could have done. I know it was hard for me to talk to my Dad about it all and my brother too. But they took it well and call me often to see how I'm doing. Anne