How Do I Tell My Family....

Hi Friends. I have decided that I need to tell my father and some of my other family about my wanting to have this surgery. I have a surgeon consult set for August 3rd. But I feel I need to talk to my Dad soon so he will have time to get used to the idea. My Dad and I have never had a close relationship. But this year we have really been trying to get close. So I want to be upfront and honest with him about what I am planning on doing. I just don't know how to tell him. Please somebody help me. Pretty please?? What is the best way to tell him and some of my other family members? What do I need to make sure to let them know? The only person in my family that knows is my wonderful grandmother who raised me and I still live with. She is ok with it. But my father can be difficult. Thanks. Julie 26 yrs old 460 lbs

I understand your need to be honest and open with him...but at 26 years old, realize that you do not need his approval to better your life. My approach--and understand it is MY approach, would be to straight out say---In order to make myself feel better and to live a happier life, I have decided to have WLS. It would be great if you could support me, but if you can not--I understand and won't expect if of you. Just from reading your post, it sounds that your grandmother is the one who raised you---where was your father all those years? What should matter is that you have the love and respect of the grandmother who has sacraficed over the years in order to raise a child that the father did not accept responsibility for. I am not trying to sound harsh, but realize that your health and happiness is ultimately up to you. Good Luck

Hi Julie. I too struggled with how to tell my mother and sister. I really didnt care what the rest of the family felt. I called my mother, and told her I had exciting news, that I was taking steps to ensure my future. That peaked her interest and she was all ears. I had my folder in front of me so that I could quickly find the answer to any question she may throw at me. At first she was hesitant to give me her blessings, but as we talked and she heard how much thought and research I had put into this, along with the surgeons reputation, she was rather excited. She talked to me about it each time we spoke thereafter. She and my dad came to see me at the hospital also. She was the first to call me once I got home too. My sister was thrilled, her statement was "yippee my wardrobe will double". She's thinking we'll share clothes, but of course I plan to pass her up LOL. My best advise is to be as well informed as you can so that you can put your father's mind at ease. His only concern will be for your health/safety. You just need to let him know that is WHY you are chosing this path. To live longer. I think any parent would want that for their children. Best of luck to you sweetheart. God bless! Melanie

Hi Julie, I don't have the best relationship with my father either but I know deep down he loves me and doesn't want anything to happen. But I must say no matter how I told him - He still didn't "approve" which is fine but its my life, my health, and my future that I wanted to approve. Luckly, my mom told my dad about it before I had a chance but we had many conversations, many shared tears, lots of yelling and talking before surgery because both of them were afraid I'd have the surgery and NOT follow the rules because it's happened in the past. I was upset with them, that they keep bring that up but I now realize why they did. I even made about 5 copies of the booklet, Dr. Hruska gives us on our first appointment. I handed them out to my dad, mom, and both brothers - They read it and asked questions, whenever they felt the need. And to my surprise, my father did read the booklet and talked about the surgery with my brother, alot. I was in shock when I found out. He even watched many of the shows on TV that talked about the surgery, he was well informed by the time my surgery day came. So all I can say is be open and honest about the surgery, now is not the time to hide behind the weight like most of us have done over the years. Your dad may be upset, he may be happy but whatever happens try to stay cool because most likely he'll come around and then will be asking you a million questions. Last but not least - Remember your not doing this surgery for anyone but yourself. If your doing it for others, your doing it for the wrong reasons. I wish you the best of luc****ep us updated! -Katie

I can relate. I had to tell my father and my brother the week of graduation when they came. We all sat at the table and discussed all of the pro's and con's. My brother just recently lost 80lbs after finding out he was diabetic and he already doesn't have to take the medication. My family has been after me for years to lose all this weight and when I told them and then went over everything with them...know what they said?? We love you and if you need ANYTHING...we will be there for you. Try it it might not be as bad as you think.

HI Julie I do not have a relationship at all with my father.. So i got easy on that part.. However I did choose to tell my mom after i talked to my husband. My mother did not seem to be real happy wiht it. They(Mom and Grandmother) still thought i could try one more dr phil diet or maybe do la weight loss or well there is some sort of new diet out there... Well hello did they not think i was and had tried all of this befor hand. My husband is fine with it. He wishes it was here and over so i would shut up. Anyway. I had read lots of info and educated my self and really made mt mind up first, because people can scare the hell out of you. I was determines I wanted this new chance in life. Now my mom is tolerant to the decision and is even helping me go to store and read up on protien and vitamins. She hasd went to my dr appt with me and is getting used to the idea. I guess i am saying make sure you have made your decision and are prepared to educate them and i think they will come around. I did not tell anyone else i just decided if it got out it idid and if not it didnt. I dont guess i helped much but there is my 2 cents. Michelle

Thank you everyone for letting me know what you think. I've been researching this option for a long time now. I think I need to get all the information together that I can and go to Dad's and tell him how it is. I know he wants what is best for me....but I'm sure he will want to know why I don't just try another diet or why I don't stick with it. I think I know how to answer him. I've been on so many diets ever since I was a kid. I would lose then gain back twice the amount I lost. I want to be healthy and happy. I want to do things like other (smaller) people can do. Dad is overweight, too. I won't have to convince him how hard being overweight is because he knows. Thanks again everybody. Julie Appt. with Dr. Hruska on August 3rd

Julie, I think it's evident that a lot of us have experienced your same turmoil. I myself had a very difficult time getting my family on-board until I basically sat down and told (especially my mother who had the same "just try another diet" outlook as well) her that if I continued at the rate I was going that I would soon become disabled and more and more medical problems would arise for me. I told her that the liklihood of my premature morbidity was increased everyday that I spent with all of this excess weight. I told her that my depression of the time was facilitated by the fact that I avoided being around people because I just wanted to "blend in" but was unable to do so because of my size and that I had an addiction to food ... Following this I told her that I would be having this operation no matter if my family were behind me or not but that it would be a great deal of help to me if they were in support of me both physically and emotionally. She finally came around and began to understand that it's about wanting to live, not just wanting to be thin and that I needed the physical reinforcement that WLS provides. I wish you the best of luck but just remember kiddo, it's you that is having the surgery not your dad. Just make sure you got people to look after you post-op! Take care ...