bad day tomorrow

Hey all. I am just feeling majorly down in the dumps this week and it's going to be really bad tomorrow. I am attending grad school for a degree in school psychology Anyways, I was doing an internship this year (the final stage before graduation and certification). Back in mid-March I resigned from my internship due to personality conflicts and personal problems. Tomorrow is graduation and I am feelng like such a failure because I could tough it out through the last ten weeks to complete the placement and move on after that. I know that if I stayed it would have done major damage to my mental well-being and my marriage, so it was best in the long run. Now we are having complications on finding me a placement for an internship next year. Throughout all of this what hurts the most is that none of peers have contacted me to see how I was doing. My mentor who has been saying she will be there for me and support me has not contacted me either. When I do contact people they are standoffish and I get the vibe that they could care less about me. This really hurts because I am the type of person that is always remembering others and checking in with them. Sorry for the venting. I just had to talk to someone. Susan {!}

Susan, babe, I feel your pain. The cir****tances are different, but when my youngest daughter, Savanna, was born my ex husband and I were very active in our church. We were there twice on Sunday and Wednesday nights. I prayed, laughed and cried with these people. Always sent cards to the ill, phone calls, hand held, etc. Well, Savanna was born with a rare birth defect called Pierre' Robin Syndrome. She was hospitalized at age 3 weeks. She was in Vanderbilt Childrens Hospital for 18 days. In that 18 days NOT ONE of those people I thought so highly of bothered to call, send a card, NOTHING!!! I was so floored by the lack of care shown I could barely bring myself to go back. When she was released from the hospital (after 2 major surgeries) I took her to church with me. I went up front with her in tow, held her up high and proclaimed that this was my lil angel and thanked everyone for all the concern they showed during her very rough time. As I walked back to my seat I could almost feel the chill in the air. You could have cut the tensity with a knife. I knew my point was made. I never went back. I was never so let down in my life. Like I said, I know its different cir****tances but I certainly know how it feels to be let down. Please know that your OH family is ALWAYS here for you. Maybe we can get together soon and have dinner. I'd love that! God bless you sweetheart! Melanie

Susan, I am sprry that you are in a bad place right now. Sounds like you made the best choices for yourself at the time even when consequences were tough, which is the same thing as we are all doing here in contemplation of this surgery. I can understand feeling let down when you might have thought that these people might be there for you but I think the main thing is that I am assuming that this is something you are doing for you and not someone else. Although the support of others is nice, counting on yourself is the most important thing. You have made it this far and I would hope that you would not allow the presence of or lack of support limit you in acheiving your goals. I have another friend who is easily hurt by the attitudes of others and I often remind her that she is a person who is an "above and beyond" person and that we cannot always hold others by the same standards we hold for ourselves. Sounds like you do these things because you care and that this people may be nice out of ease of effort on their part. Don;t let them get you down, you can do it! Hang in there and be as aggressive as possible to find that placement even if you have to secure one yourself and get it departmentally approved. You can do it! Shooting loads of happy thoughts your way ...

Thank you so much for your kind words Melanie and William. I cried as I read them. Here it is just after 3pm and I just got out of bed. That is one of my defense mechanisms in these situations. It is either that or eat all day. I know they are not healthy, but at the time they help. The weather outside is dark and rainy, perfect for my mood. Melanie, I am sooo sorry you had to go through what you did alone. They could have at least called to see how your baby was doing. How old is she now? Is she doing well? I will keep you and your family in my prayers. It makes me feel exposed when no one comes to me in my time of "need" when I am constantly there cheering them on. It took all my power not to e-mail the group a congratulatin on graduating today. By not doing that I feel as if I am letting them down. William, So glad to see you back. How are you recovering? Been thinking and praying for you a speedy recovery. As for being an above and beyon person, that is what my husband tells me I am and that is why I get let down when others do not do the same towards me. Heck, I have spent my own money on gifts for birthdays, housewarming, and thank you gifts that are presented as from the group, but not a single one offers to repay me. When it is my time to celebrate I do not even get a card or a verbal message. I always thought what I did was common courtesy, but I guess it is not. Seeing your posts and venting yet again has helped some. Thanks for letting me fume. Susan {!}

Hiya Susan. We're here for you any time darlin! Thanks for your kind words about my daughter. Shes doing fine know, all the problems are behind her. Shes a real trooper. You'd never know from looking at her that she ever had a day's trouble. Shes my angel. Have a great weekend dear! God bless!! Melanie

Thanks, Susan. I am doing better each day. Looks like I'll be driving this week and back to work a week from Monday so all is on track! Hang in there, kiddo. I know how difficult it can be to be let down by others but you got the best one you can count on in your own corner and that's yourself. Hope the day finds your spirits much brighter!