Unsupportive family

I am scheduled for surgery in 6 days and am overjoyed...but (there's always a but, isn't there?!) am crushed that my mother and one of my sisters are so negative about my surgery.  They have kept the opinions on the down low until now...just when I need their support most.  I am really devastated and am frightened that if something were to happen during surgery I wouldn't have  support, just a bunch of "told you so"s.  I do have one sister, a father and a husband who are very supportive.  But my family means everything to me!  I am having surgery no matter what- for myself and my children, but my stress level has gone through the roof.

If your mind is made up to do it, that is half the battle. I would have a blunt talk with them and tell them you are doing it. Tell them they can be with you and support you or they can stay away until you get through the hardest part. You need to surround yourself with the positive members of you family. It is an uncertain time and having people around making negative comments will makes things harder. I was lucky that all my family was supportive. At the last minute, my mom said some things so I asked her not to be at the hospital for my surgery. Of course, we have never had a good relationship and she always questions everything I do. I just didn't want to deal with that on surgery day. Things went great. I really hope you get this ironed out and go into surgery with love and support and complete peace.
Good luck.
Karen

I didn't tell anyone what I was doing until I was approved and had a surgery date...  but thankfully my Mom and Dad were supportive because they want me healthy for me and for my son.  NOW.. with that being said....  they did have their questions/concerns... but once Mom went with me to the pre-op visit and saw what all I had been through, she came around... and now they are my biggest fans!!!!  

Now here is my but...  I am the youngest of five kids...  the oldest two, well..  let's just say... the oldest sister is the smallest of the bunch and has not spoken to me since Christmas.  And well I didn't even bother to tell my oldest brother and his wife cause they are just so negative about everything!   I only see them once a year, and it won't be until Thanksgiving...  maybe when they see the skinner heathier me...  I'll tell them..  maybe not?

BUT...  what I want to say is, if you are strong in your conviction, find those around you will be there for you to support you, don't let your heart and head get filled with negative energy...   You are doing this for a healthier, and happier you... when they see they, they will come around hopefully.. at least that is what I keep hoping for my doubters!!

HUGS... you always have us!!!!

Hun I totally feel your pain.  We must be twins with the same mother and sister.I am going through this very same thing.My only family is my mother and sister and the rest of what little family that I have left reside out of state. Well I talked to both my mom and sister about this last year and I have gotten nothing but grief from them.I do not have anyone that I can talk to about this you know in person that can be happy for me and this is sad. I am there for them through thick and thin and all that I here are statements like "you are taking the easy way out, what if you have complications, what if this and that".  So on July 20th I will be going into this alone.Nobody will be at the hospital at all to support me.I am happy that I am having the surgery but unhappy at the same time.You on the other hand  lean on the ones that are supporting you.I know that this is hard but try to ease the stress.I look at it like this.Once our families see how well that we are doing afterwards than they will come around.Try to be strong.


(((( HUGS))) 

It makes me really sad to read these things that mothers are saying to their daughters.  By any chance, are your mothers/sisters overweight?  My mother is not overweight.  She loves me very much and although she was worried about my health, she wanted me to be happy.  As she read of my struggles and what it was like for me to be obese, she cried tears of sorrow.  She wanted a better life for me than what I had.

I am so sorry that your family isn't supportive.  Hugs to you today, my friend, and I hope that you are able to find peace in your heart and know what it is you are supposed to do...  and once you have that decision, I hope and pray that you are able to grasp hold of that peace and may the Lord send you people in your life that IS very supportive. 

Thank you Mel.My sister has a body like a model.We are both the same height 5 ft 1.I am over 300lbs and she is just 120lbs.My mother is 5 ft 5 . She weigh about 190 lbs. See I have struggled with this all of my life and they know this.My father god rest his soul was totally mentally abusive towards me when it came to losing wieght and my parents stayed fighting over me because of his constant picking and insults about my weight.I have cried so much in my lifetime  until my tears are almost dried out over this issue.I have yo yo dieted so much until it is pitiful.I have even been on phentermine twice.Lost over 100 lbs each time and just to gain it back once my dr removed me off of the pills. So my insurance is now paying for my surgery and  I am going to do it.There is no changing my mind.You know the sad part is that they do not know when my surgery date is because I do not want to argue and fight anymore.I am just going to wait until it comes close to time before I say anything.July is too far off to have to deal with this.I guess that they think that I am not going through it just because I have not mentioned my surgery date but boy are they in for a surprise.I can just imagine the H*** that I am going to go through once they do find out,

Thank you so much dear friend for your kind and supportive words.

Latasha,
I'm really sorry to hear that your only family isn't supporting you. I wish I lived closer. I would be happy to be there with you. No one should have to go through this alone. If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. I was really blessed to have so much support. My husband even stayed at the hospital with me for my whole stay. Do you have a surgery date yet? Let me know and I will see if I can work something out. Hang in there. We will find someone to be with you through surgery if I can't manage it.

Karen

Karen know wonder why you have this screename chosen. Because you are truly full of Sunshine with a  big Heart.   My surgery date is July 20th. Even though my surgeon was booked until then but maybe between now and then I will have someone that can be supportive with me.If not than I will be brave and go at it alone as planned  but no matter what nothing will stop  me .You are a sweety and I could not ask you to take time out of your life just to hold my hand.Your supporting me  is plenty  and for this I am truly grateful. I will do as you say and try to hang in there.

((( HUGS))

Hugs to you, Latasha. I'm happy to help in any way I can. I don't want to impose on you but if you would like me to be there with you for surgery, I think I can arrange it. However I can help, let me know, dear.

Karen

I'm so sorry your family isn't supportive...that's the pitts!  But, remember, this is your choice---your body & your life.  When I started looking into WLS I didn't tell anyone except my husband...and he, though really supportive, told me that the PCP was going to laugh me out of his office b/c I wasn't "obese" enough for that type of surgery.  He soon realized that my BMI was 40 and what I weighed...and he was on board from that moment. 

Like Amy, I waited until I was approved & scheduled before I told a few of my closest friends....I wanted to wait not because I was "ashamed" of my decision or myself, but because I wanted everyone to know that I had made up my mind and this topic wasn't up for discussion---there were to be no debates w/me about if it was a good idea (in their opinion) or not....I had made up my mind based on a wealth of information and was going forward in my best interest.  I think that quickly quashed the negativity....and, honestly, everyone was so happy for me....of course, worried about the surgery & potential complications, but friends came out of the woodwork to help my husband with the kids so he could be at the hospital w/me, etc......

Stand your ground. Don't waver....this is your choice. Your life. Shine.  xo, Micheala.