Hi and Wow!

I know... I've been a stranger for awhile.  I've missed you guys... or most of you anyhow LOL  First, an update.  I'm down from 375 to 20... something.  Ya'll know how the plateaus are... don't need to explain it.  Just glad I read many posts about it before I went through it.  So for the last week or so been bouncing between 200 and 203.  Essentially, I have about 40 lbs to go to hit goal and... I'm not even a year out from surgery.  Dr. Hottie thought it would take me 2 yrs to hit goal... HA!!!  I'm down from a 30/32 to a 16 and can even wear junior's tops.  Crazy!  But, loving it!

So, if anyone is just itching to get rid of some 16's or L/ XL... keep me in mind.

Next thought... all of this craziness on this board is just too much.  I won't try to tell anyone how to live their life but seriously.  I've said it before when it got carried too far on here that this board is suppose to be for those topics related to bariatric surgery.  We really should think about people we are negatively impacting by addressing other issues.  If I were a first timer to the board and didn't know the background, I would be apalled and wouldn't come back.  This board should be for helping people who are desperate for information.  For me personally, I won't be here on a regular basis so long as it continues.

Last thing I wanted to address that I think there really should be a discussion about is relationships after WLS.  I had been single for years before WLS.  Of course. once I started dropping the weight, the guys started noticing.  Which I liked but was ill prepared for and subsequently landed in 2 very very bad relationships back to back.  It's definitely a learning curve.  While trying to adjust to and maintain the "journey" also re-learning who you are and how to interact with people in general as well as from a relationship stand point.  Not easy!

I knew that the tangible things related to losing weight after surgery would be a breeze.  Drink fluids, eat protein, take vitamins, work out etc.  I knew going into surgery that the hardest part for me would be the emotional and I was so right!  It's very difficult to go from being shunned to socially acceptable.  And, it's almost like it happens over night because the weight drops so quick.  So, your brain has been trained a certain way for so long that your mind doesn't catch up with how fast your body moves.

I went from never being asked out (for years) to all of a sudden feeling like I'm the next best thing to sliced bread.  Honestly, it would make me laugh it was so incredible to me.  And, very sad at the same time.  Because it really shows how society views those who are overweight.  I think there's a learning curve to it.

I was just kind of curious about how others viewed this subject.  FYI... as they say... God won't take you to anything He won't take you through.  I got through it and came out wiser on the other end.  I am in a relationship again but much better prepared this time.  Knowing more of who I am, what I need and what I want.  So, if anyone is struggling through this as I was... don't worry.  It gets easier... and better. 

At some point, I will update the pictures and rest assured that you will be blown away just as I am every time I look in the mirror.  My collar bone sticks out now which was a huge moment for me.   I hadn't seen that darn thing in I can't tell you when.

Hope all is going well for everyone... be blessed!

  "We really should think about people we are negatively impacting by addressing other issues.  If I were a first timer to the board and didn't know the background, I would be apalled and wouldn't come back.  This board should be for helping people who are desperate for information"

Hi Chandra--welcome back & congrats on your great success...your post had so many interesting topics & insights in it, but one that really stuck out was the quote I pasted above.

I have been very quiet about those "issues" on the board that I believe you are talking about.  It could be that I am only addressing it now b/c it's 2:55a.m., I'm 5 days post op, in pain & I can't sleep---but I did just want to say that when I was reading all the hullabaloo that was on this board, and being relatively new here, I was thinking that if I would have found this board in the beginning and seen that type of interaction I would have run screaming. 

I believe I have been a positive influence on the board. I also believe that sometimes people need to "step away from the computer" and experience the reality of life ouside of this box.  Of course, reaching out to someone that is in need is important, but only if they are in need and, even then, it should be done privately and, should that person choose not to respond, then just pray for them. 

Still, I have found that the people on this board have been invaluable to me in my journey and I would hate for someone like me to be turned off & never become part of this incredible forum and the wealth of information that it provides because of squabbles.

I didn't know you when you use to post & I don't know if you know the people involved in that mess, but aside from that, they have all been wonderful sources of support and knowledge for me...I'd hate to see any of them go....but, we can all do without the craziness.

Welcome back & thanks for your words.

xo, Micheala.

 

 

Hi, Chandra! It's good to see you, or should I say "good to read you again!". lol.  Last time I saw you, wow, I could not believe that it was you.  After seeing transformations of so many wls patients, you would think all of us would be used to the change. But not so! It still amazes me. 

As one who has been "part of the drama", I do apologize for some of the things that have happened on the board.  For a long time as you know, I remained silent.  This has been going on recurrently for about a year...  At times it has made ME want to leave, but this is my home as well as it is others' homes.   It was hard to see the changes which occurred, and it surely is not what it used to be here.  Many old timers are gone, like yourself.  But though they might not post, and I dont see them often, they are very near and dear to my heart.  These folks gave invaluable information and planted seeds in my heart and life, and for that I am forever grateful and indebted to them.  I wish we could all have a reunion or a place where we gather and talk again just because I miss them so much.   

I was always the one in our family who stood back asking, "Can't we all just get along?!?"  I wasn't good at confrontation, and avoided it at all costs.  Instead, conflict caused stress in my life until I was physically sick.  The things that have happened here on the board at times have made me sick to my stomach, unable to eat, frustrated, yes at times even tears.  I have walked away from my computer, shut it off, slammed it shut, avoided it, you name it.  Until finally, there just comes a point when you can't take it anymore.  And sometimes when you are frustrated, you lash back out of hurt or anger.  I will also say, I have received some pretty nasty comments both in public and in private.   I have come to the conclusion that for many of us obese folks, we have some serious and real issues...  much of it has to do with how we interact with other people (social skills).  And, some of us need to learn how to use, or to develop them, after our surgeries.  I was one of those people... and in many ways i am still learning how to interact and communicate.  

I want to add that I am so glad to see so many new faces here...  people asking questions, sharing experiences, talking about their anxieties, anticipations...  It really has been a breath of fresh air...  I am excited to see all the communication going on because it gives me hope that the board will be resurrected to the place it once was...  when it was constructive, honest, supportive in a way that says "I love you but you gotta make some better choices" so that everyone can meet their goals and get out to live the life they were meant to live...  I like to view the world through the new postop's eyes... reading their stories helps me to remember and keep it fresh... I don't ever want to forget where I came from.

As for the relationships, I understand exactly what you are talking about.  I never went to my high school prom.  I had one date in high school, and that was because my friend wanted to go on a date with a guy and she needed someone to go with her.  They set me up with a blind date.  I felt uncomfortable the entire time...  I've said it before and been scolded for saying it in public, but you know I'm not good at keeping secrets. I was a virgin until 2 yrs ago, and I was in my mid thirties! Talk about sheltered!  Once I lost the weight, honestly I was ready to lose THAT and start living life and experiencing things that I had missed out on for so many years.  

It bothered me for quite awhile when folks started looking at me...  I thought it was still about "Me being fat" and they were staring because I was the freakshow.   It was about my weight, but no longer about the obese Melinda.  It was a difficult transition...  and I have finally embraced the fact that people find me attractive.  And you know, I actually like it!  It's nice to be pretty.  I spent too many years being the ugly & fat duckling...!  Anyway, all these ramblings to say I do understand...  and Chandra, I think the only way it will be talked about on the board is if us older folks come here and share our stories...  

Mel---you just keep repeating:  "I AM STILL so pretty, I AM STILL so pretty, I AM STILL so pretty and I feel pretty on the outside, too:........because it is the truth, you were always beautiful and still are, beauty comes from the inside out, now you are just extra pretty on the outside, too!! xo, M.

Chandra, the topic of relationships and relationship changes is one Dr. Janice Livengood has been addressing with our Monday night support group. The group for March was AWESOME, many people brought their spouse/significant other or family member with them, then through a series of 5 minutes one on one interviews, everyone had many of their questions answered. We will be continuing to revisit this topic - the formal presentation is on the 3rd Monday of each month at 6 p.m. in the 3 Tower classroom (where you were for seminar). Dr. Livengood leads more informal groups on the 2nd and 4th Monday at 6 p.m. in the Tace building classroom (where you go for your doctor's visits).

Hope to see you there!