Hey Y'all

I am alive and well, my DH came home from Afghanistan and I have been extreemly busy with moving on with my life and learning what everyone has learned from the begining of their surgery, thtas to cook for a family.

I have only been cooking for myself as he has been away now I am learning to cook for two as my kids are away in college.

This has been so hard for me I have put on 8 pounds and trying to get it back off before it gets out of hand, I have fell into a depression over this and been trying not to eat because of that.

I hope to soon be back on track and start working out again but I think I just need time to breath and then it will all fall back into place.

To all the new folks.. Hello and hope to speak to every one real soon.

To all the military spouses it is easy when they are away but the real struggle comes when they return and find the new you and tyour new way of life.

Walk softly and carry a big stick!

Susan

Hey! It's good to see you again...  sounds like you have been quite busy with life in general...  

I will be honest with you, I know what that depression feels like.  Many would say "but its only 8 pounds. You've lost how many now?"   When you get to goal, the smallest weight, you want to stay that way in order to feel successful.   Or thats what your mind says... "I've got to goal, now I must stay there."  I felt that way for a long time but someone said something that helped me.  I dieted, did liquid protein, kept pushing food away only to find that if I veered from this plan, I gained.  My body did not want to stay at 116 lbs!  Nothing I did EXCEPT liquid dieting, kept me at 116 lbs.  Susan Maria and my friends at Bariatric Eating helped me realize that my body just did not want or need to stay at that weight...  I'm up to 125 (see, that is near your 8 lbs!) and feel good.  It did play havoc on my mind for a long time, but i had to keep reminding myself that I am healthy, still in my size 4 britches and the lumps & bumps have settled quite nicely into a womanly form.

I have come to the conclusion that we can be just as bound by food after our surgeries as we were before if we are not careful.  Where we needed it for happiness, we were a mess without it, were sad & depressed if we didn't have our dear friend, now we are depressed & sad when we eat it and it causes us turmoil because we gain weight.  I just don't think that's a life we are meant to live.  We must find a healthy balance in there somewhere....  where it can be our sustaining element because we have to eat, and yes at times we can savor our food and enjoy it without fear of "am I going to gain" and also have a healthy respect that if we do go overboard, we will have to pay the consequences.  

I'm just rambling aloud here, trying to make sense of it all I guess.  But the overall thing I'm trying to say is that if you find yourself eating properly 95% of the time, and are trying to find some healthy balance and still eat properly, there comes a point when we have to allow ourselves to be free of the fear of failure, and also realize that success isn't always measured in "that lowest number on the scale"...  hopefully that will help your depression if it is caused strictly from these issues....  

Hugs to you my friend...  Lord knows this postop life is not always easy...  and while many are just embarking on their journeys, the veterans are still here, talking about issues that inevitably we will all be presented with.  Good to see you.

Thanks Mel

Susan--I'm so glad to hear that hubby is home safe!  I'm also thankful that you shared about your depression and fears--You have know idea how that helps newbies like me!

Melinda, once again your insight is invaluable!  I know you veterans must get tired of answering the same old questions from us, but WE REALLY NEED YOUR ADVICE AND WISDOM!

I really appreciate you both for still being on the forum, even after you have reached your goals!
THANKS!

It's not that we get tired of answering.  I think its more of the fact that we finally have the lives we always wanted so we can't be here all the time...  like Scott said, WE'RE OUT LIVING! And you know what, IT'S FUN & AWESOME!! lol

But just the other day when Justin asked about weight lifting, sometimes I forget information or things that helped me along the way...  and when someone asks questions, it triggers that thought or memory. Kinda like an "aha moment" ...  it actually helps me a lot to see all of you going on your journeys fresh because it helps me not forget what I went through. 

Another reason we all need one another is because the farther out you get, the more new things you will experience such as guilt when you actually are able to add foods back (this was a huge issue for me...  I actually thought preop that I would never touch a piece of dessert, pasta, bread, etc. again, (that is not true)  temptation from those foods that can cause trigggers, and actually there have been some issues that I have had to deal with that I haven't been able to talk about with most people.  It's been a great journey, incredibly difficult at times, while incredibly easy in other areas...  

I was very naive early on!  I thought I'd never eat food again, or want food again...  and even looked at others who had gained wondering how they could possibly do that...  Gosh I was so naive and I won't lie.  Sometimes, judgmental.  OH how I see the error of my ways!  And the saying "100 lbs gone FOREVER!"...  enh.  That's naive also.  When the rubber meets the road in maintenance, that is when we see whether we have what it takes.....  

 

Amen Mel! I agree with you so much, this is so much harder than I ever imagined, I sometimes sit here and cry because every time I put something in my mouth "I am not suppose to"  I feel guilty....even so I still put it in my mouth again.

I am still working out the nitches and figuring out the new me and where in this place I fit.

I just want to lose the weight and not have to worry about anything else....Pffffff so not going to happen.

SO with that said and my advise to everyone else is: Figure out your place and get there, you can only do what you can do and living up to what someone else expects.....me.... well I am still working on that.

Melsreturn wrote:

" When the rubber meets the road in maintenance, that is when we see whether we have what it takes..... "

I think this is part of my hang up; my fear about WLS.  I lost 60 lbs in about a year dieting and exercising and then I got so sick of "diet food" and pre-portioned crap (which is ok when one is in a hurry - not to base an entire lifetime of eating off of) that I quite and in about the same amount of time, I gained most of it back.

My fear is that if I have surgery - banding, RNY, whatever - that I will not have what it takes... that even though my body will be forced into dropping weight, I won't be able to live that way for the rest of my life.

How did you cope with this?  Do you still struggle?  How do you handle maintance?

Thanks,
jonnelle