Food & Life

       I have a question maybe more like a concern, about food. It seems like for most of us food has become our drug of choice. The majority of us need WLS  from a lifetime of poor eating habits.         Food is described as "Comfort Food", "Social Eating", "Porn Food". It has been said to be like alcoholism. But unlike alcoholics who stay away form alcohol we need to keep eating.        Please this is by know means criticism, but even on this forum we seem to be preoccupied with food. Granted it's usually about healthy food but sometimes its about past demons.       Everyone says your taste change post surgery then why do we still have the desire for that food that has made us so miserable for so many years. The same food that caused us so many health effects, diabetes, high blood pressure, joint pain, sleep apnia ect. ect. But yet we keep eating this junk.     I guess I'm asking how do we turn around the emotional, psychological effect so that we can beat this self destructive behavior for the long term or is this so en-grained into our Psyche this is who we are. I know medically I need the surgery, I know I want the surgery. But I also want to know psychologically and emotional I can do this. Sorry for the long ramble. Bob

Morning Bob! For me, I believe we learn from all we are doing.  A great example is the dreaded Banana Split Cake episode.  This cake held very special memories of my childhood as well as my mother.  I lost my mother in 1985 to an overdose of prescription drugs.  When my co-worker found out the importance of the Banana Split Cake, she started making it as a special gift for my birthday.  Every year, I once again was reminded of what my mother meant to me. It also endeared my co-worker as a very special friend. This week was hard, simply because I had made a decision.  A decision to have WLS, a decision to fore go such decadent desserts.  Most of all, it was my choice and no one else's!  I guess what I am getting at is this...We continue to learn after WLS.  We learn what we can do, as well as what we can't do.  This week was a learning experience for me.  I treated my friend at work pretty bad because of the cake.  That was an oversight on my part.  I have sinced apologized and talked to her about the incident.  And also about the things  I have learned from it.  She has even changed her way of thinking and will start looking at every ones different dietetic needs. This week I learned how food holds onto us, even after surgery.  I also learned the importance of this statement..."It's the thought that counts".  I know the love and thought my co-worker put into this cake, and I have thanked her for it. Will food always have a hold on me?  Yes.  Will I give into food as I have in the past.  I will not say never, but I will say I am going to give it me best shot.  After care appointments, as well as the Coaching for Victory sessions my hospital offers will help wit that.  The greatest help comes from the support given here and other places. To quote something that's been said several times..."They operated on my stomach, not my brains".  Sorry, it seems I have been a little long winded this morning.  Have a great day!

Excellent question Bob. I believe we'll always relate certain foods to certain occasions and emotinons  - birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, first date with spouse, etc.  Mama always makes a banana puddin' and potato salad for the 4th of July, a lemon pie for my birthday, coconut cake at Christmas, etc. (And believe me, it's all DELISH!)  But I also hope our desire for a better, healthier, longer, more fulfilling life can overcome that if we really work at it. Won't be easy buddy, but I'm sure we can do it!  Scott - that quote about not operating on your brain- I believe my doctor is gonna have someone in there to try and find one in my head.  Hahahaha!

Ok let's take a whirl at this... try to get my thoughts down in writing this morning...  Before surgery, I loved food.  I was not a food aholic.  I was overweight more because of hormone problems, and then I just gave up, didn't care about life, and didn't exercise or even watch what I ate anymore.  My only happiness was going out to eat.  I didn't "overdo it", but I didn'****ch calories either.  Every night on my way home from work, I called my roommate, Mike and asked "Where are we going for supper?"  We would plan long and hard, as if it were my last meal!  I wouldn't buy desserts at the restaurants, but I would eat the big salad, soup, chicken parmesan with pasta, drank several refills of soda, and ate about 3 or 4 rolls.  I loved to eat it... and the thing is, I never even REALLY savored it.  I just scarfed it down, and sometimes didn't even chew something more than 4 bites....   I was excited about surgery because of something that was said in a weight loss seminar.  It hit home:  "Do you live to eat, or eat to live?"  I was so sick and tired of living to eat...  food had become my enemy.  I wanted to ONLY eat because I HAD to... not because I WANTED to.  I didn't want food to be my happiness anymore.  But the thing is, just as food had been what my life evolved around BEFORE surgery, it even further evolved around it AFTER surgery.  I was caught up in what I was supposed to eat, what I couldn't eat, what I shouldn't eat, what would make me sick if I ate it, and each night I still called Mike on my way home saying "Where are we going to eat...."  Only our conversation was "If we go there, we could have this... but do you think we can have that or what about that....Maybe we should go here instead...."  and my food dilemmas were heightened.  You have to plan your eating after wls.  That takes effort...  but once you learn what you can have and not have, it gets easier.  Food is still very much a part of our lives, whether we want it to be or not.  With alcoholics, they don't have to drink to survive.  But we must eat to survive...   One thing we all need to do as wls patients is dig deep and ask ourselves, "Why am I overweight?"  You have to answer that for yourself...  mine was because of hormone problems.. as I stated earlier, and it caused weight gain in my tummy area...  PCOS and insulin resistance... but then those two conditions caused the weight gain, weight gain then in turn made those two conditions worse, and the two became somewhat of a black hole.  I then became so depressed by life and feeling like I would never be needed or wanted by anyone, that I just gave up and said "what the hey"...   I dont know if any of this makes sense or not...  But I guess the overall thing of what I'm saying is, life gets better, you adjust, and just as the name of my website, I am a recovering fatty.  There is no cure for obesity...  I will struggle lifelong.  I fear getting overweight again... but who wouldn't after losing so much and always hear people saying "I knew someone who had that surgery.  They gained all their weight back."  When people say I have an eating disorder, I want to remind them of where I go every 3 mos...  to my surgeon's office which is called "The Center for the Treatment of Obesity."  !!  Hello!?  If I didn't have an eating problem, I would have never ended up needing a visit to that office! Right?  Hope this helps...  

Wow...I don't have much to add to this except to say that for me, food has always been a focal point because in my family...I'm the one who is "the cook."  Not in my marriage but amongst my sisters (I have 4) and my mama (83 years old) and daddy (96 years old and healthy as a horse!.)  I am the one who "cooks like mama" (the highest compliment my father has ever afforded another human being!)   Mama is a former home demonstration agent and was a teacher for 50+ years.  She has a lifetime certification in chemistry, home-ec. and k-8 elementary education.  All that to say that the science of cooking has been in my family for years and I really love it.  Unfortunately, the emotional side of eating threw me off to the point of morbid obesity. As a result of this surgery I have been able to restore my balance of loving the science behind the preparation of healthy foods.  I am still able to enjoy the foods that I love but am able to modify the preparation to make them suitable for my new life.  My interests have changed from an emotional attachment to more of a interest in reformulating with positive results.   For example...when Scott mentioned the banana split cake...my first thought was, "How can I make this for him but make it healthy?"  With that in mind, I have been experimenting with cake and fruits to make a healthy dessert.  While one would not want to have it everyday...I believe that I have come up with a winner and the next time we have a Lunch Bunch...I'm going to take this cake.  It is delicious, healthy and beautiful to look at, too! Unlike other addictions such as smoking or alcohol,  food is necessary to maintain our health.  In my opinion this surgery affords the opportunity to change the relationship with food.  Because of the absence of hunger...the control is there for the taking.  Changing the habit of trigger foods is a bit more difficult but very much within reach.   Okay...so I guess I did have something to add after all! Freddie

To give you a little insight for the question. Lately it seems I've been inundated by well meaning family, friends  and even casual acquaints. Who ask well you don't have the will power now what makes you think you will after surgery.  Their right I don't have the willpower, I eat out of boredom, I eat at night because I have insomnia, I eat when I'm depressed, I eat when stressed and I eat because I enjoy it but like Melinda said I'm scarfing it down not savoring it and as Scott, Bob and Freddie said I eat because of memories..  These things stress, depression, boredom and memories will be there. It's how I learn to deal with them, I've always been a lone wolf and not relied on anyone other than my wife for support. This in it self is a big step, trusting others with personnel feelings but I know its a big part of being successful. You just can't lurk you have to jump in I know in life there are no guarantees! I'm sure I will be successful. But that little devil of doubt sure likes to show himself from time to time.  I'm glad I asked the question??? I appreciate all the feed back and look forward to others wading in. Who knows who else had the same concerns if we don't through the topic out there.  Thanks So Much Bob 

I've told this story before... but it still cracks me up... Before my surgery, I obtained "The Last Supper Syndrome..."  You know, where you want to say goodbye to your best friends before the end comes...  you know the end is near, and you just want to gather all your friends and say "Farewell, my love..."   So weeks before my surgery, I visited the Mexican restaurant every single day.  All the workers in there thought I was in love with the server, Allan.  I always asked for him, and tipped him very well.  Allan was always so super nice to me, and I still refer to him as my "Mexican lover" to my friends...  little did the folks at the restaurant know, I was meeting my lover there every day... only his name wasn't Allan.  It was "Chicken taco salad, salsa, guacamole, diet pepsi, and sopapilla."  I had that same dinner each and every time...  thinking that I would never again be able to enjoy any of these items... I gained eleven pounds during those 3 weeks...  thank God my doctor had already written my letter to Blue Cross stating I had lost my 10% body weight!  Or, I might have never gotten the surgery!  The funny thing is, I have been back to the same restaurant, been seated and served by the same waiter, and he could not believe it was me!  How funny.  the first time I saw him, he became speechless in that he just said "I don't know why but i feel nervous!"  He just could not believe the change that I had gone through...   I don't go there anymore.  As a matter of fact, Mexican restaurants make me nauseous.  I can't stand to go there.  If I want chicken fajitas, we go to Chili's where the smell isn't so strong...  but when they are served, I have to place them on Tim's side of the table and let the steam get off it...  or else it makes me nauseous as well.  Food just has a different context than it used to.

One last thing..you may want to do a bit of research on the hormone ghrelin.  Maybe just a simple google search to get info on ghrelin and weight loss surgery.  This could help explain the added control after surgery. Freddie

Surgeons want you to attend support groups.  I don't.  I consider this my support group, and BariatricEating. And now, I also use my website to blog my feelings, etc.  That helps me a lot.  You should use your profile to discuss how you feel about things.  And let me tell you why that's a good idea...   Anyone on Obesity Help can come across your profile.  Especially men (which we can get the men here to verify) need to get some support cause all that seem to be on here until latley are gals...  Men need support, and when they can see and read into the lives of what other men are going through ,  I think it is a great support. And, you never know when you might want to start your own book, website, or whatever...  anyway, I hope you can find some great support here, which I think you have it seems...  and talk about whatever might be on your mind. Let me say, the one great thing you will have going for you after surgery that you don't have now, is RESTRICTION.  Your little tummy will be so tight you cant get much food in it.  And if you do, you will vomit.  A  few times of vomiting, or even dumping syndrome, and you sure wont be wanting that food ever again!  Or at least for a very very veryyyy long time!   Really, you also have an advantage too that when they do surgery, it does something strange to your body.  I heard that it cuts a nerve that tells your brain that you are hungry...  but that is a tool also...  you will not be hungry.  Mike felt like he was starving to death on the morning of his surgery...  then after, the nurse asked him if he was hungry.  He didn't want  a single thing.  I didn't either... for a long time!  Sometimes even now if I get really busy, I forget to eat and my body reminds me when it gets low blood sugar episodes in forms of the shakes, etc. .  but I dont get hungry still.  That's great... to be a year and four months postop and still not get hungry. Surgery is different than any diet we have ever been on.  And where you are now, wondering "Will this work for me?" is exactly where we all have been...  and you think "What if I'm the only person in the world that this DOESN'T WORK ON?"  Normal...  but trust us...  it works... it'll work for you!!!  Keep on keepin' on!

Melinda & Freddie thanks for your input. Yes I agree this is a great support group. Vanderbilt recognizes this as a means to achieve your support group requirements.  I have gain a great deal of knowledge and inspiration thru this forum as a group and those of you who I've been fortunate enough to meet. Freddie I keep forgetting about the "Ghrelin Factor" yes that is a great source of information, thanks. I'm also in a weird position I'm 266 lbs at my high 5' 8",  got down to 232 on the 10% and now back up to 244 which puts me approximately 85 lbs overweight. To some if your not 400 + you shouldn't think about WLS. But they don't see the host of medical issues you might have. That this surgery alone will CURE some and greatly reduce complications of other conditons.  In my case every Doctor I have has recommended this as my best course of action and each has submitted letters of medical necessity. So I guess it goes back to you can't judge a book by its cover.   I hope people that are usually just readers would jump in too. Everyone has a slightly different prospective. You both are such great roll models you talk the talk and you walk the walk.  Thanks Bob