Depressed...

Hi. Some of you may remember me. I've posted a few times but I mainly lurk. I am just beside myself and I don't know what to do. My husband recently told me that he wants a divorce and that he is not happy anymore. I am dying inside. I don't know what to do or where to go. I am not from TN and I have no family here. I love my husband and I don't want a divorce. I have been having a lot of serious health problems since July and I need my health insurance. If I quit my job and move back to PA I won't have any health insurance until I find a new job and that scares me. I worry about finding a new job due to my weight and health issues. Our wedding anniversary is New Years Eve and I can't believe he is doing this now. I feel so depressed and just don't know what to do. I admit I have had bad thoughts and I don't want to feel like this. I'm sorry for posting such a gloomy message but I could really use some support. I don't have many friends here and I am afraid and embarrassed to tell my employer what is going on and that I might need some time off. Ironic that I work for a mental health agency. I can't have them thinking I am not stable and that I cannot do my job but I really feel like I am falling apart. I can't concentrate and all I do is sit and cry. Please help. I welcome any suggestions. Thank you for reading this.

I just want to give you a big old hug right now. This is never an easy situation to be in but right now would definitely make it worse. Take a deep breath, let it out, and consider your options. Would your husband consider counseling? I know it did wonders for my marriage. If part of his problem is that he is stressed out over your health problems, counseling might help him see that. Talk to your employer. Do you have an HR department? or someone in management you feel you could talk to? I don't think it's going to take them long to figure out that something is really stressing you. There is a big difference between being unstable and being under stress. You are under stress and need some help dealing with it. If worse comes to worse and you do leave your job and move back to where you have family and a support system, you should qualify for COBRA until you can find another job and get insurance. As part of the divorce settlement, demand that your husband pay for the COBRA.  Good luck sweetie. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

I was going to say the same thing Susan.

Ask him to try counseling and try to figure out what the issues are so that you have the opportunity to resolve them. If he insist on a divorce then require he carry insurance on you for an entire year this will allow you to get set up and settled. Also I am not from TN/KY either and I could only imagine how devastated you are. But one thing is for sure I would have him pay for you transition including moving expenses because they are not cheap. Call you insurance carrier and ask them how long you can continue coverage after employment termination on your part. Also people go through things, it does not make them unstable it makes them human. Also you may find one of you employers knows someone in PA that they can refer you to for employment in any case I would prepare as soon as you can don't let thi**** you all at once.

Good Luck to you and many well wishes 

Bless your heart.  Big ole supportive hug!!!  I agree with eveything that has been said.  I thought I would die when I got divorced (my daughter had just turned a year old and I was unempoyed.  As horrible as it was, I lived through it and am doing great.  You will be too. Kisses! Freddie

So sorry to hear about what you are going through!!!! Please feel free to pm me if you need to! I second what everyone else has already said in previous postings--maybe he would agree to counseling...   Know that I am praying for you and sending hugs your way, Rhonda

I sent you my cell number and I want you to use it. I am here any time. So call me when you can okay... I really want to talk to you. you are not alone here. :) sending you love, Tina

I agree with everything they have said, you most deffinalty need to keep talking and not keep this inside.  It only can eat away at you and that's no good.  We are here if you need us.  Big ole HUG!  MElissa

Bless your heart.  I'm so sorry to hear about this.  I've never been through this, so I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be, but you are in my prayers. 

I agree with everyone else here.  But if he doesn't agree to go into couseling, you need to make sure you take care of yourself.  If he has made up his mind and doesn't want help then remember that you have to take care of yourself and stay as healthy as you can.  Stress is a very bad little monster, so go into counseling by yourself .  If we can help, please don't hesitate to ask. darlene

I want to thank everyone who has responded to my post with kind words and encouragement. It really means a lot to me. I'm sorry I haven't posted a reply sooner, but I have spent the last day and a half trying to work things out with him. I thought we had made some progress as he said he still loved me and he had agreed to go to counseling with me. We had a pretty good day yesterday and then the bomb dropped. He told me he had been lying to me and wanted to come clean. He told me he had lied about a girl he had met online (he's addicted to the World of Warcraft online game). He told me that this girl was a long time high school friend that he had just gotten back into contact with. He has been talking to her on the phone about me/us. Well, he told me last night that she was not a long time high school friend but just a girl he met online. He said he lied because he knew I would be upset and due to my jealous nature would "make him quit playing his game!" He told me he saved her phone numbers in his cell phone under one of his male friends so that I would not know he was talking to her. He told me she is "just a friend" nothing more. Well I lost it. I blew up at him. Ever since he told me on Friday that he wanted a divorce, I have been crying, bending over backwards to be nice to him, begging and pleading with him to stay and work on our marriage. But this info just hit me the wrong way and I snapped. I said some horrible things to him. I was hurt and angry. It's not an excuse, but my emotions have been running haywire. Well we had a horrible fight and now he tells me that he realizes that he does not love me anymore and he is proceeding with the divorce. He will not talk to me and if he does he is hateful. He won't go to counseling now and he said he does not care about me anymore. I don't know what to do. I still love him. I told him I was sorry and that I only lashed out because I was hurting and when he acted so cold to me, I wanted to hurt him. I know it is wrong but the damage is already done. How can I make him change his mind and go to counseling with me. I want to believe that deep down he still loves me. How can it be over so soon? I feel like my world and my security blanket has been ripped out from under me. Thank you for allowing me to vent here.