I did not have this surgery to ruine it im just ignorent

 I honetly did not have this surgery  and go through the pain and nausea that I went through to ruin it. my ignorency has gotten me here and I need a hand it making it better,  I am so sick that it has come this far how can I possible help others if I cant even get it right myself. I dont think I ever was able to follow the post surgery right and that is sad and stupid for me.  I will do what I have to , to get back what my pouch is ment to do for me my tool teach me hold my hand help me day to day of what to eat and what not to eato god heres the tears my god people you dont realize what I have gone through in my life and to make this step to make me better only to ff it up, im stupid im ignorant, I cant even follow what littlew info I feel I had to work with I was better off not eating eating makes me sick taking pills and vitamines make me sick feels like someone ha**** me in the stomach none of this is right losing only 59 to 60 pds come on its a slap in the face. the only 2 things that is gone is the diabetes and the sleep apena wich will come back eating this way.  BUT when you are starving what are you to do, as I said before I have never felt full from day one of surgery.  I have never really had anyone close to me to help me what help i got then it was gone they were to busy to hold my hand I dont blame them I am 42 I should beable to do this on my own I shouldnt haveto have someone hold my hand tell me when to et what to eat. Im just a ff screw up something else to add to the list of my screw ups. I couldnt handle the sf jellos most of this stuff made me sick so i crabed what ever to try .  im just a waste,  but i am happy for those that were strong enough to make your juroney.  thank you all thanks darlene you are great. your HONESTY is the best way.  love you girl  Annrenee

First off you are not a waste, stop thinking like that.  You have helped me. You are going through a rough time you have had nothing but sickness lately.  You just need toget back on the horse and do the things that you lnow you should do.  You have to see that you must off been doing things right if the sleep apena and diabetis are gone.  Call the doctor then maybe you should consider seeing a psych to help you get through this.  I'll be htere to hold your hand if you need me.

Sue

Sue, you cant hold my hand you are going to be busy learning about useing your own tool when you have surgery, I want to be there for you, my coal was to be there for others having this.  why cant I help others when i feel i have failed i dont want to be resposnible for failur for someone else.  thank you sue you are darlene seem to be the only ones who care. I hope you find something out today I hope good news come your way.  I apologise for ranting. Annrenee

Honey, you are not a waste or a failure, you are like the rest of us YOU ARE HUMAN.  As you said, you have gone through too much to let it win now.  You need to try to get to some counseling if at all possible,  you have to do that for yourself.  You are ready or you would have never posted this post.  You have admitted you have done bad things, quit beating yourself up for them, just take each day as it comes and try to do your best for that day.  We all care, love and support you and would be right by your side if we were closer.  We are here when you need us, please turn to us instead of the other demons in your life. darlene

Thank you both  and I am sorry I went off on a rage I am so upset with my self, I have failed at everything in my life,  I am in thereapy I go again next week and Iwill discuss with her about my eating.  Its hard to stop beating yourself when all your life others did it for you, you learn to do it yourself.  my hubby is even upset with me that I cant controll the tool this not affects me it affect him and my other support people demons in my life hummm so many of them here I sit again and crying, they are so hard to fight, this time of year has always been bad for me christmas isnt been pleasent overthe years it has gotten better but the bad out ways the good this time of year. a couple of years ago on dec 10th I ended up in jail for about 12 hours I lost control very angry and the police were called to take me to a mental hospital they put me in jail instead hubby did everything he could to stop it even though he is the one that called theym but he was try to help me.  instead it hurt us more ,I dont blame him he was trying to help me I was so out of control I didnt even know what I was doing, i will never go to that place again that causes people I love to hurt, I can control my rage now. but the pain I carry is very deep when I think I have delt with it all something else happends I seem not to control it.  I am not a bad person just a ignorant one that needs gudice in alot of areas.  people that read this please dont judge me. thanks you sue and Darlene hugs Annrenee

Annrenee:

You know, several of us take medication to help us maintain chemical balance in our lives.  Perhaps that would benefit you.  Maybe you need to get your dosage adjusted.  Maybe you should talk to your doctor so it won't get out of hand.

Supportive hug!

Freddie

 

 

Definitely discuss all of this with your therapist. If you are not currently on some kind of medication to help with depression/mood swings/etc. you might want to discuss that as well. If you are on medication, and many of us are or have been, you may just need to have it adjusted. Did your surgeon give you a book outlining your post-op program? If so, go back to page one and reread it. Start all over again. Journal your food intake, measure your portions, plan your meals AND snacks. Check out www.fitday.com for a free online journal that will track protein, calories, fat, carbs and water. You can do this! You have proven you can do it by losing as much as you have. You began as a lightweight so things are going to be a bit different for you than for those of us who started with much more to lose.  You are right in that none of us can hold your hand. But, we can stand beside you and cheer you on. We are here to encourage each other and also to kick the occasional butt. You don't need a butt kicking from us and you need to stop beating yourself up too. So you've messed up. We've all had those days. You've admitted your problem and asked for help. That is a huge step towards getting back on track. Big hugs sweetie. Susan

You said you have a problem with eating.  Is it eating the wrong things, or eating too much, or perhaps both?  You also mentioned Diabetes, which I also had (I've checked my BS post surgery and it doesn't seem to be a problem any more *knock on wood*).  Before my surgery, I was placed on a drug called Byetta.  It's supposed to help with your blood sugar, but it's actually works by killing your appetite.  The reason I bring it up is because although Byetta is an appetite suppressant, insurance companies are hesitant to pay for it unless you have Diabetes.  I used it pre-surgery and swear by it.  In fact, if I hadn't been approved for my RNY, I'd still be on Byetta right now and I'd probably still be losing weight.  One small morning injection could get me through an entire day of not eating and then I'd have a sensible, or even large dinner.  No headaches.  No lightheadedness.  I'm not sure how it works, but the body doesn't go through the 'starvation' phase and you actually DO lose weight on the reduced calories. I'm not a Dr., so don't quote me on it.  I can only relay my experiences with it and how it helped me.  If anything, you should at least discuss your problems with your NUT and your PCP.  They might be able to help on the physical side.  The psychological side might needs some nurturing as well. In any event, be good, and keep us all updated.

Annrenee. I am sorry you are going through this. You are not a failure. What you are going through is really common. Especially at your stage (7 months post-op). That is when we start to realize we can eat more and tolerate more sugar and we beign to test our limits. It is common. You have done great on your weight loss and your health is showing it. Keep up the great work. You know what you are doing wrong and it is time to get back on track. Yesterday is gone, today is a new day. Don't fret about past mistakes. Just learn from them and keep going. This is a lifestyle change and during your life, you are going to have struggles with food choices as we all do. It is much easier for me to tell you not to beat yourself up about it. I know when I go on a "binge" I get really mad at myself. But I have to get over it.  One thing I did about your stage was get a scale and start weighing my food. I knew I should "only" be eating about 6 oz at that time so I would only eat 6 oz. I knew I could eat more. But I also knew I would not feel hungry after eating 6 oz. The thing about feeling full is weird. When I was overweight, I did not think I was full unless my stomach hurt.  You have to learn that to be full does not mean to make your stomach hurt. It is a hard thing to learn but the faster you learn that, the more in control you will feel. Also, make sure you are not drinking with your meals. You may want to start keeping a food journal (like on fitday.com). I think you will notice you are not doing as bad as you think. Take your measurements so you can see how many inches you have lost so you can feel proud about your loss. It is important to just hang in there and keep going. Yo uare doing great. Keep it up.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Just learn from it and gain the experience to help you in the future. Don't give up you are worth the effort !!