Getting REALLY scared

I have tried to be upbeat about my upcoming surgery.  I am excited.  But, the fear of dying or worse, stroking and living, is starting to scare me to death.  To add to that, my young adult daughter is not on board with this.  She thinks it is a needless surgery.  She is mad that I am going to be "sick" at Christmas.  My sister is really good with the surgery, but wishes it wasn't right at Christmas.  My husband is very supportive and tells me to not worry about my daughter, but she is the only child I have left and I can't help it.  We have really spoiled her since my son died, and I guess this attitude is the result.  Plus, she has experienced horrible grief already and I am sure she is afraid.  Am I being selfish for doing this?  Am I risking leaving my family to grieve AGAIN?  Help!!!

Good morning Marilyn.  I agree, there are days I'm am scared to death and days I'm happy as a kid on Christmas morning.  Believe it or not...this is normal!  I thought my family would be upset about my surgery this close to Christmas.  for the most part, every one is on board with the decision.  My sister is having her surgery on the 13th (gastric bypass also).  So, we have both reserved the recliners at my family's home for Christmas day.  I've explained to RJ (my 9 1/2 year old son), that he will be my helper while mom is at work.  At the moment he seems OK with it, but that could change by the time I finish this post.

Anyway, it is normal to be scared!  But I take it from your screen name (Nsg4Him), you have already laid your thoughts and concerns at the foot of the cross.  So, you and your family will be in our prayers, I ask that you do the seem for me and mine! Merry Christmas!

Hello Marylin, you have to stay upbeat no matter what. Of course there could be complications as with any surgery and yes they are very scary. Sorry to hear about your daughter not being on board and of course it could have come at a better time, but we have to take things as they happen, and this is happening for you when it is right for you. Glad to hear the DH is supportive, you need that. You are not being selfish, you are doing this for you first, then other folks, to me that is not selfish, that is smart. You will be fine and along with everyone else. There is someone in my life that did not want me to have mine, they told me that if I couldn't "diet" on my own then it would not happen. They are eating their words right now. They are still somewhat non-supportive, I think they are more jealous than anything.  Keep your chin and spirts up, everything will work out. Hope my 2cents help in some way. Cheryl

It is perfectly normal to be scared. I questioned myself right up until the time of surgery. I have two young daughters who I worried about leaving behind with no mother and asked myself a thousand times if I was being selfish. Then I thought or the thought came to me that if I didn't have surgery my daughters would watch me die a slow death from Obesity and I could not bear that. I do not regret my decision, I am now living a much healthier life and able to run around and actually play with my daughters where I couldn't do that before. My prayers are with you and I hope you find peace in your decision.

I agree with what's been said.  I am going though simular situations.  For the most part veyone is on board with this, I have some really close frinds that are just worried for me.  I am too very excited and counting the days, of course the colser the days get, the more scared I get.  God is with is all and is watching over us and will take care of us.  Melissa

Honey, you are being very unselfish by doing this surgery.  You are taking an opportunity to have a happy healthy, longer life.  Your daughter is just scared, she is afraid to lose you and just doesn't want to take the chance.  We will all be sending up prayers for you, so you will come through with flying colors.  Just tell your family to think about all the Christmas' you will enjoy by having this surgery this year.

darlene

Only you can make this decision.  Pray about it and ask God for guidance.  I have one child and if something happens to me, she would most likely be forced to go live with my horribly abusive ex-husband (of whom she has not memory since departing from him just after her first birthday.)  I was not able to be the best mom to her because I was hindered by my weight.  When she needed me to be there for her, I was too ashamed of being so heavy to get out of the house.  I always had an excuse but the truth was that I was physically unable.  Since my surgery we have been able to do so much together!  It is wonderful to live my life again and to be able to share more with my daughter (she is 16 now.) 

Pray about it, let God guide you and then whatever your decision is...do it with gusto!

Good luck!

Freddie

Marilyn ~ Sweet lady, I think you need one BIG ((HUG))! It is so normal to deal with all these emotions. I will tell you that I waited a whole year before ever even contacting a doctor due to these thoughts. My kids at the time were 6 and 8. All I could think of was what if I left my husband with 2 small boys, etc., etc. And I don't know about you, but I know for me, the rest of the thought was "all just to lose weight".  We had had several conversations prior, but the day before my surgery, I sat my boys down. It was important to me that they understand that me having this surgery was NOT about me being "skinny", but about me being HEALTHY!! Their whole lives, I have been too heavy (and at times, too sick) to even go out and play basketball or football or frisbee with my boys. Ten days ago - on Thanksgiving - after I had spent all morning cooking, I went outside and played football with my boys and DH. THAT is a miracle that was extended to me through this surgery! That is a memory that my boys will have BECAUSE of this surgery! I am really sorry for the pain and grief that your family has already been through. And I'm sure that it has a lot to do with your daughter's fear. However, rather than thinking that you are "risking leaving your family to grieve again", look at it this way...  you all could be grieving the loss of "life" if you don't have the surgery.  You are not being selfish to want to be healthy. Health is a gift -- and YOUR HEALTH will be a gift both to you and your family. MERRY CHRISTMAS! And many, many more happy, healthy Christmases lie ahead... next year your family will be SO thankful for the amazing gift you gave THEM by having this surgery this year! Chin up, girl! The best days of your life are just around the bend! ~ tara

Everyone goes through these feelings.... any surgery is scary. And a lot of people do face opposition from friends and family... and most of it is due to lack of knowlege. Mabye you can sit down and talk more with your daughter and show her some of the research you've done. It might help ease her mind. But like others have posted, only you can do what is right for YOU. Good luck :-)

Wow! Ya'll are such a supportive group!  Thank you so much for the encouragement.  I have been praying about this for a long time.  That is the only reason after YEARS of being afraid that I finally contacted a doctor. Since I did that, everything has gone easily. I just took back what I gave to the Lord, that's all.  I talked again to my DH and he is more supportive than ever.  He understands the risks and is willing to accept them.  I feel better about that.  Like I told him, if I die, I will be in heaven, it is him and my daughter that I worry about.