How Therapy is going

It's been a while since I have posted but since a lot has been put on hold until my therapist releases me for surgery, i've just been reading up on the surgery, reading posts of course, and soaking in all the wonderful information that you all have posted.  I'm not as frustrated or antsey as I was, and progress is going good.  A lot of our discussion is based on the surgery itself and how it will affect me and others.  Amazingly enough, I have learnt a lot just from the forums on how you guys have handled issues, so this forum is helping me tremendously. My homework for today's session dealt with what to expect after surgery.. with categories like physical, emotional, social, etc.  Of course, I wrote out all I could think of, and some lingering questions remain that i'm going to have to dwell on. My question to you all is a doozy.  How did your spouses/family members react to your weight loss.. the pro's and cons.  My wife and I got into a long discussion about this over dinner, and I guess i'm still wondering how she will actually feel with the weight  I will soon lose.   Rob

Family...  my parents were VERY supportive.  But, before I actually told them, I took a friend over with me to visit who had the surgery 6 yrs ago.  They remember her as obese, and when she left that day, my mother called me to say how happy and excited they were for me.  But, my parents also know that once I am determined, and get something in my mind, I will follow through regardless of what others think or say.  I went through a three month program through my work to prepare for surgery.  It was a requirement before getting approved for surgery.  But then later my parents began to bring up concerns, as I went through my program and filled the requirements.  My brother told me it was the "easy way out" as to which I took the opportunity to educate him with the sacrifices I was about to make and how it would effect the rest of my life.  I didn't hear much from him after that...  but I know that he was just concerned about my well being.  I had some coworkers who didnt want me to have it.  But I kept it to myself.  I did not have a husband or boyfriend to deal with.  And, I am glad.  It was just me.  No children.  So I was even more willing to make the risks as I didn't have a family who depended on me to be a wife and a mother. 

My kids have all been very supportive from the very beginning. It is kind of odd when you hear your grown son tell his friends that his mom is HOT! My husband has been my biggest supporter. He and I did discuss in depth the very high divorce rate among WLS patients. I told him that people will make comments to him about me losing all this weight and leaving him, and think they are being funny. I let him know in no uncertain terms that I am not going anywhere.  We also discussed how it will make him feel when other men take notice of my appearance. He has noticed that I get doors held open for me and men going out of their way to be nice and/or helpful. He has always been the type to hold my door for me and hold my hand in public so he has handled this new attention very well. He says he just wants to make it perfectly clear to these other fellows that I am with him. Not bad after 34 years, huh? My biggest piece of advice would be to talk, talk, talk. Let your wife know that she can bring up anything for discussion and then the two of you talk it out. She is really going to need reassurance as you start getting compliments on your appearance. Make sure you give her the attention she deserves and don't expect the spotlight to always be on you.

Rob,

        Each spouse may react differently as we are all independently different and our relationships also vary, therefore the best information I can provide to you would be to take each day at a time.  It would probably be good for each of you to go through therapy individually as well as together to help deal with the emotional changes this surgery does bring on.  My husband married me over 16 years ago and I was around 330 pounds, therefore becoming thin is something that neither of us have ever experienced and we have both struggled with the emotional and physical changes in our own ways and this has effected our relationship. However through therapy we have been able to communicate and understand the feelings and emotions of each other, which is making our relationship stronger than it has ever been, but it is a daily effort.  Hope this helps and I wish you the best!! Shelia 

Good Morning Rob!

Sheila and Susan are so correct!  But, I am now in the shoes your wife is in and it is a scarry thought.  With a very charasmatic husband with a harem (his OH women),  I'm a little scarred too.  What if he looses all his weight and leaves me!  When it was on the other foot, I assured him that it would never happen and he has assured me of that too, but the thought is still there.  So talk Talk Talk. and Listen Listen Listen.  Have a great day!

Beth

Hey Rob! My husband has been with me every step of the way.  We have talked about all of the pros and cons and he monitors my protein, water, vitamins and calcium every day.  I think that he enjoys being part of the process!  I had never shared my weight with anyone before this surgery and now we truly have no secrets! If anything, this surgery has strengthened our relationship.  Both my husband and I are very outgoing.  Now I have the energy to keep up with my skinny man! I agree with everyone else when they said...just keep talking. Good luck! Freddie