Funnies

FEMALE COMPASSION

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no
 legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever been f****d?"
The fellow said "No".

She said "You will be when the tide comes in"


 





Dear Abby,







  I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.







  I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been



  cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the



  caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot



  recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some



  friends from work, you don't know them."







  I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but



  I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject



  with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth,



  but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on



  her.







  Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf



  clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived



  home from a night out with "the girls". When she got ou t of the car



  she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her



  panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment,



  crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on



  my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.







  Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to



  the pro shop where I bought it?

Daniel,

I've missed you and your funnies. I usually don't reply as I am a lurker mostly but I always enjoy them. I hope you are doing okay with your lap band. Isn't Juanita doing great?!

Melissa