Finding support for this surgery from family?

Does anyone else have issues with family members that don't want you to have the surgery and they just keep lecturing about how you just need a good diet to lose the weight? I'm having issues with getting support for this surgery from the people that are closest to me.  I've told them that if my insurance will pay for it or even half of it I'm going to have the surgery so they had just better get used to that fact.  Well they still wont accept that I'm going to have this surgery and that it's the best thing for me.  I've given them all the resources so if they want to read up on the surgery or look into it then they can to find out more about it. It's normal to be scared, I'm scared but I'm more scared not to have it than I am about having it.  I just don't know how to make them feel better about it and if anyone has any suggestions PLEASE let me know!! Thanks, Angie

Angie families can be a pain in the behind at times but they are your family and they aren't going away and if they won't come around now they will after you have your surgery and they see getting healty. They are just afraid they are going to lose you. Try to get through this the best way you can and don't let them get in the way of you getting healthy. We are here for you so lean on us and we will try to get you to the loser side.   Sending lots of , huhs &  your way.  Lee Lee

Angie I'm sorry that your family is not supportive.  I did not have that problem as my parents were my number one supporters prior to surgery.   My brother did ask later if I was taking the easy way out, and then I of course let him know the way I would have ot eat the rest of my life...  but other than that, they were great. I hope someone has some insight for you that will help.  You're right, very very normal to be scared.  I would worry about someone who said they were not afraid at all.... you might consider finding someone who has had surgery and taking them to meet your family.  I brought a friend over who had surgery 5 years ago.  After she left, my mother and father were very excited about me getting the surgery!  She was a good representative and looked great too.  I had that planned all along!  And was very happy I did. GOOD LUCK

Angie,  It has long been considered in my family that I'm looking for an easy fix or that I am a cheater. Most of these assumptions have been made without little or no knowledge of what a RnY is. I just stopped sharing with them all. I gave them no infomation about my goals, wants, or concerns because, at this time I need positive affirmation. I have a few friends, one family member, and a great amount of support from the support group and people associated with my Dr. office.  You also need to tell yourself everyday how much you love yourself and how much you are worthy of this. Hopefully that will ease your stress so you are able to find comfort inside yourself.  Peace Keith

Angie,       I had no support from my side of the family as you can probably tell from my recent posts, they do not even know that I had surgery, still.  However, my mother-in-law that I am very close to, did not want me to have the surgery.  She was not supportive at all, she simply did not understand why I would take a chance of dying when I had a 10 year old son to raise and take care of.  I explained that he is exactly why I am chosing to have this surgery, because I want to LIVE and if I do not have this surgery I will DIE and never see him grow up.  If I was lucky enough to see him grow up, I want him and my husband to have a life and not have to take care of a SICK mom and wife, therefore I do not want to be a BURDEN on them.   She would make comments, like this is so serious and it is for the rest of your life, because it can not be changed.  I then put it to her this way, if I was to be lucky enough to make it to the hospital after I have a massive heart attack, like the one my own father died from at the age of 50 when I was 18, and they told me that I had to have quaduriple by-pass surgery to survive, she would not be concerned about the seriousness of the surgery or the fact that the results were for the rest of my life, because this is what would be needed to do to help me LIVE.  That is how I look at this surgery!!!   Another way I explained to her, was she takes medications to correct her high blood pressure and cholesterol, therefore if there was a way she could correct these problems and not take medications she would do it, she agreed, then I said that is exactly what I am doing, preventing many future health problems, getting rid of medications, (I am now off 8 out of 9 medications) and giving me the chance to LIVE a longer and healther life than I had before.  She has now realized that my decision was a great choice, still at times, she had trouble with the amount of food that I can eat, because she is uncomfortable, not me, but she is coming around.  If I have any problems, she will say, "I guess now you regret having this surgery"  I just quickly remind her that I am healther than I have been in years and the discovery of my liver problems that are now correcting.  She is still coming around, but I just don't let that bother me, because even with my problems, I do not regret for one second having this surgery, because I know I will get through it and with all of yalls support, I know that I will make it!!! Hope this helps, Shelia

Angie,   People, families react differently, to the idea of weight loss surgery.  Some are just negative for the sake of negativity but in many cases they are simply afraid something bad could happen and that' a fear for them.  My entire family has a weight problem and initially not one was particularly positive to the idea of surgery -- mainly because of the things they had "heard".   I had my surgery just under a month ago and I am very pleased so far.   And my family is coming around...with a little input with a possibility of them following in my footsteps.  People seemed to think you should do it the "way" they think is best.  Well, from my experience I've had a weight issue since being a child and now 30+ years later I've altered my diet to be healthier and I've stayed active trying to loss weight without success. Now my body hitting it's  early 40's is just catching up with me.  I've tried to do it the right way and whether it's mentally or physically --I just couldn't make it happen. The  sugery seems to be working.  I've got a long way to go and as nice as it will be to be thinner for "vainity" ---mostly I want to stay healthy and active.    I'm sure you are a bright lady (we know that weight doesn't affect our I.Q).  Check all the facts, attend a couple of seminars ---do your research to find out if the changes are something you can live with -- it is a true lifestyle change,  find a highly qualified surgeon with a low complication rate if you do choose WLS,  pray for a wise decision and then once you make your mind up -- stick to the decision you've made on the facts.  Just let you family you need there support of you...they don't have to agree with the decision.  Unless it's truly a dysfunctional situation -- I believe they will support you through your decision.

You've already gotten good advice.  I'd like to add my $0.02 to the batch.  You can't make people understand.  You can educate them but it's up to them to be open to it or not.  Trying to change other people is a waste of time.  What you CAN do is to tell them (repeatedly) that  you have made your decision, you appreciate their concern for your well-being and that  their support would mean a lot to you.   It's common here for families to attend the seminars and the support meetings.  Seeing people who have had surgery might take away some of the fears. Good luck, hon. Mary

Thank You ALL!!! I feel so much better now!  At least I'm not the only one going threw this alone. I've been working on this stuff for over a year now.  I have all of it done but the 5 year paperwork.  However, tomorrow I will have that part done.  I was approved by my insurance to see the doctor at Vanderbilt named Dr. Wright however because he requires his patients taht are considered super morbidly obese to have a 5 year PERSONAL diet journal he wants the journal to have specific dates and meals eaten each day and how much weight was lost for the last 5 years.  Because I don't have that journal he refused to see me even after I was approved by my insurance to see him, my insurance also approved for the psychological evaluation which I was actually able to get done and I passed it with flying colors according to the woman that interviewed me.  I have attended so many of Vanderbilts sessions that I can quote some of the dieticians word for word on what is needed to be done after surgery according to them.  The funniest thing that I have found so far is that each doctor wants different stuff and what some will allow you to eat others wont.  I think that considering that it's personal to each person I think everyone should have their own personal set rules from the dieticians. 

I have to say that I have been very lucky in that most of my family has been very supportive.  I only had one to say these kinds of things to me...when they used the "easy way out" line, I just very politely stated that I must have been mistaken because I thought the easy way out would have been to let six of my loved ones cart me out to a nice big hole in the ground in a long shiny box and be done with me.  That shut her up!