Hump Day Humor!
I was in Walmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow and was in line
to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........
Duh!
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting
The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up
in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened
in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IV's in both arms.
Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus
diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an
easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets
or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you
feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I
was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and
was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting
in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
Kathy 
If only to live a day in your shoes! You forgot to say at the end to her for asking if you had a dog - "Here's your sign". 
Misty Thanks ladies here is another one for you. Misty that was meant as a joke it did not actually happen to me however I am quite capable of pulling one off such as that.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking; smartly dressed woman perched on a barstool. He walks up behind her and says ... "Hi there good looking ...how's it going?" She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat love it!"
He says, "No kidding? I'm a lawyer too ... what firm are you with?"
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking; smartly dressed woman perched on a barstool. He walks up behind her and says ... "Hi there good looking ...how's it going?" She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat love it!"
He says, "No kidding? I'm a lawyer too ... what firm are you with?" 
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