Hello

Just wanted to thank everyone. I have read all your words of encouragement but think that right now it was just too much for me to handle. I lost my gramps, got sick and both denials along with the depression and unbelievable stress I just can't. Maybe in three months... I am going to see a therapist. I am drained and have nothing to offer right now. Just sit here on my couch and watch the window. Right now it is storming and that is how I feel all the time like a storm. It has been so long of being always knocked down and prevented from doing what makes me happy. I just am tired... I know that being positive is good but there is only so long you can take having too much on you and I don't know which straw it was but I am broke. I don't want sympathy just don't want you to think I did not appreciate you but didn't wanna rain on others parades and right now I am at bottom. I am just trying to get out of bed everyday. Well, thanks again.

That's exactly what we try to be Melissa... honest, open about our feelings and we are all here for you when and if you need to talk. I hope only the best for you. Yes you are right, you have had a lot of things happen in your life. Therapists are wonderful and can offer lots of guidance, ways to heal ourselves, and before you know it you will be strong and ready to take that step and fight that insurance company again...

Just know we are here for you when you need us. If you need to talk or just need support that is why we are here. Just take one step at a time. I truely believe you can do this and like Melinda said you need to do this on your own terms. Just know you are not alone.. We are here for you!!

Well, I don't want to get you down further but hope my words are comforting. I ended up being a self-pay. Why? because I spent 2 years fighting and jumping through hurdles and CRYING AND CRYING AND CRYING. The accountant in me said no you cannot afford to do this, you have kids to get through school and you need a new car and the house isn't paid for. Well...then I thought I can't afford not too. I need to break this cycle before my kids are impacted negatively for the rest of their lives. I was taking care of my bedbound grandmother...who spiraled downward since being diagnosed with congestive HEart Failure and on and on. Then, I thought of my mother who had Congestive Heart Failure at 45. I was bigger than both of them...and I saw my parents starting to act like their parents that they used to complain about(they eat all wrong for their condition and don't exercise saying they hurt and I'm sure they do) It had to stop with me. But, I needed help. The depressing part was that a friend had self-payed and was 18 months out and looking and feeling good. (YES I WAS JEALOUS). So I had a talk with my husband and my "new car" was the surgery. I still owe 683.00 but I don't regret it. IT was a good thing for me and my family. I know everyone can't afford to do this. I also want you to know you can "negotiate" how much you pay. The insurance compnay paid very little for my emergency internal hernia surgery compared to what I had to pay for a surgery that took the same amount of time almost and had 1 night in the hospital. You can ask that they look and see what they received from ins company for the same surgery and ask what they can negotiate with you. After all, they still may get more money from you than and ins co but does it have to be that much? HUGGS! CRY ALL YOU WANT THEN PICK YOURSELF UP AND GET MAD AND USE THAT ENERGY TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. SEt up a savings account. Date a well employeed man. Afterall, if you can't marry for love..won't money help Beth B. in Chattanooga

Thanks and I am glad that worked for you! I really am glad that there are people out there this works for. If I could afford a savings account I wouldn't be about to lose my car that I can't pay for because they are denying my STD/FMLA. I also would not be wondering how to make my bills. As for dating someone with money... at sometime doesn't everyone think that somewhere someone out there will come and make our life easier? I learned along time ago I can only depend on myself but it is a nice thought right? I just have reached a point where all the time I have held out for a miracle and hit so many walls that I just am exhausted. I have no more right now. Does that mean it will be forever? No... I have not had very healthy thoughts lately. I just am mentally and physically strained. Sorry, i know everyone wants to hear something positive but I don't feel it at this time. I feel hopeless....

I'm glad you are seeking help for the depression and stress that you are dealing with right now. We want what is best for you and if this is what you need to deal with right now, that is fine. Please know that we are here whenever you want us. Please continue to visit the board even if it is just to lurk. Post when and if you feel like it. You will continue to be in our prayers. Susan

Thanks Susan, I am pretty bad right now. I don't know if this can count for FMLA. I may be without a job and homeless soon... more to worry about but I am doing good to leave the house for the Doctors. I have been putting off all day going to get milk. I am gonna just go store across street.... I might sit by the pond later. I appreciate all he words and I wish they made me feel btter and they should... if I wasn't sick. There has been so much... we found out on easter a friend of the families overdosed... I wish you would all pray for their family cause he had two small boys and I know it has to be hard on them. His mom and dad are amazing people. I wonder if he knew how lucky he was to have parents so awesome... They are The Owens family... His name was Paul and he was in his 20's. Night!

Thanks! Think I am just overwhelmed... I guess...