Negative reactions to weight loss from others...

Have you experienced them yet??? Recently, for the first time, I have gotten some nasty comments about my weight loss and from my own mother at that.... to make a long story short, my mother and I got into this huge blow up. She is irresponsible with money and I'm tired of her coming to my brothers and I every time she screws up. I told her this....but now I'm apparently a stuck-up snob. According to her, I think I'm better than everyone else since I've lost weight. So now, I'm processing this emotionally... I know my mother. She has pulled this "guilt trip" many times.... regardless, it hurt. I never thought she would ever use my weight loss against me. I thought she would be happy to finally have a healthy daughter.

Jealousy comes forth in many disguises. You are looking good! One of my girlfriends has been totally honest with me. I was speaking about this security guard at the high school where my daughter goes when she's in school. Last year she would just wave me through because she got to know me so well. This year-no way we have to go through the whole schlmeel everytime I pull up to the school and by the way sometimes its an emergency....and she knows the situation. (kimmy's on homebound now) anywho....I tell my friend this story and she says...its when you got smaller than her, she's jealous and its coming out in a bad way. Then she said, I never thought you'd be smaller than me and it's just weird I'm sorry just being honest. We're great friends because she is so honest with her feelings. BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST RUDE! Moms are supposed to be sweeties on our side though. HUGGS Beth B. in TN

Thanks Beth! That is great you have friends who support you regardless and are honest with you!

April, I have been seperated from my family for many years due to drug and alcohol abuse (Mom and brother, my father passed when I was 18, he was my rock). Therefore, they do not even know that I have had WLS and honestly if they did I am sure it would not be a positive experience. The one thing I have learned is that people that are close to you will say things that hurt the most, maybe that is because we allow it to hurt more, because it should not come from them. Just remember, why you did this, for you and your health, not them and the hurt will pass. I do feel for you during this time, because it is not easy when family, especially Moms are say things that are so hurtful. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!! Shelia

Thank you for sharing your experiences Shelia. I know the hurt will pass.... it always has in the past. I think this instance bothers me most because I can honestly say I have worked hard to get to where I am right now and still it isn't good enough in her eyes. I have always strived to be a good daughter...make good grades in school and do whatever she has asked from the time I can remember just so she would just be happy with me and proud of my accomplishments. But she has always resented me in some sort of way...blaming my brothers and me for the way her life turned out. At any rate, thanks for the prayers and thoughts April

Could it be that your mom knows you were right when you confronted her on her lack of responsibility with money and rather than admit it she decided to lash out at you in the one area where she knew she could hurt you the most? I know we expect our families, certainly our mom, to be supportive and it hurts when they aren't. Try to remember though, this is their problem. Don't let them make it yours! You are doing a fantastic job! Just because you are tired of continually bailing her out because she refuses to change does not make you a snob! You just have the confidence to no longer allow yourself to be used and she doesn't like it.

Thanks so much Susan. You're right and I know this...but it still hurts. I will get over this and things will be fine I have my own life now and the future looks better and better everyday!

Hi April, I think Susan summed it up the best. You look fantastic and healthier. Don't allow them to get to you. It's not worth the stress. My mom was totally against the surgery, but showed up two days prior and stayed with me for 2 weeks. She even managed to lose some weight while she was with me. She is so proud of me now that she calls her sister in TX and brags about my weightloss. Don't back down on your belief regarding the money situation, and don't let them get to you about the surgery. That is one persons opinion, but to the state of TN, at least you took control to do something to help you out. Stay focused and positive. God will see you thru this. Love Kathy

Thanks for the response Kathy!

I think a lot of it boils down to how scared some people are of any kind of change. Even if the change is good, if it rocks the boat, they fear it. My mom is my best friend and it would hurt so much if she said that to me, but I know how upset I can get one minute and be okay the next, so I won't in any way bash your mom...she is still your mom...but it sounds like she is just not handling change very well. When others close to us are improving, it makes us put our own faults under a microscope and sometimes it causes us to lash out at the ones improving. Nasty thing, human nature! I'm glad you are so emotionally mature that you have the strength to weather these kinds of storms! I'll keep you in my thoughts!