Body image...plays tricks on us!

Okay, we have all heard of body dysmorphia and how it takes a long time for us to see ourselve as others do, but isn't it funny how off we can be? Case in point: actually, 2 examples...Saturday, my father had to change out our shower faucet and to do so he had to go through the back of my closet. So my hubby and I clean out the closet and decide that this is the perfect opportunity to weed out the clothes I can no longer wear. I would pick up piece after piece and Eddie would say, "toss it" and I would argue. One skirt especially just cracks me up...I told him it would still fit and it cost forty dollars and I was NOT getting rid of it. So he makes me put it on...and it won't even stay up. I let go and it falls off...but I seriously thought it would still fit! Second example: My new friend on the BE boards, Tami, sent me some Walk off the Pounds videos along with the waist strap for the stretch bands. I got it out of the package and told Eddie it would be a while before the waist band would fit me...it was too small. A few minutes later I told him I was wondering how long it would be before I could wear the waist strap so I stood up to try it on...not only did it wrap around, it overlapped by five inches! I couldn't believe it...I was actually so surprised and excited I did a happy dance right then and there. But it really made me think...how off my body perception is! I seriously see myself still at the weight I was pre-surgery... Does anyone else have any similar stories to share or any thoughts on this?

A while back I was given a box of clothes by a co-worker. I pulled a khaki skirt out and when I held it up I was thinking "It's a LITTLE skirt." Like you I decided to see how long it would be before I could wear it...lo and behold, it fit!! I still have trouble seeing myself as my true size. I can look at someone else and think how slim they are and how I can't wait to be their size. Then in talking I may discover that I actually wear a size (or 2) smaller than them. I can't wait to see everybody Saturday. I love to see everybody shrinking before my eyes.

Well...I hope I don't disappoint you too much...I haven't lost very much since the last lunch. I am S*T*A*L*L*E*D!!!!!!!!! But, on a happier note, I am ready to see everyone and yes...I am feeling better for anyone reading this that knows my 'down in the dumps' couple of weeks. Oh, and you are little girl...I see it, everyone sees it...!

Kym, That is amazing. You are doing so good. Love your new picture. Keep up the good work, Ellen

This hasn't got to do with the physical side of surgery... of how we view actual bodies, but has to do with our insides - emotional, self esteem, mental, etc. Here is a good example. I have two friends at work. We go to lunch together every Thursday. They are much older than me. But they are very stubborn opinionated people and when they get wound up about something, I usually sit there and keep my mouth shut. I just don't get into discussions with people about stuff that really doesn't matter anyway... especially politics, religion, and especially region sensitive matter (such as southerners vs northerners, God forbid !) For some time I have grown tired of this company. They like to always offer their strong opinions but if I ever try to say something, they are quick to shoot it down. I just gave up. I have noticed that lately I have been more outgoing and chattery. I feel better about myself and feel that I am worth something... definitely not worth being dumped on or to be bossed around. One always says "you know what Jan would say..." and so today I just said, "Jan can kiss my skinny rear." in jest.... in other words, I am not overly concerned anymore about what "Jan" thinks or says... we talked a bit more but the conversation seemed to go downhill fast. She was talking about a co-workers work ethics, and I mentioned an observation that I have made in general... not about the girl, just a general statement. The next thing I know this lady is so upset with me she is almost in tears, and wants me to get away from her desk so she can "cool down". Now mind you, I don't go around picking fights! This happened so weird and fast that I don't know what happened! I walked away thinking, I am not going to agree with you anymore, shut my mouth and pretend that my feelings and opinions don't matter. I wasn't rude to her, and what we were discussing was very short, brief and in the overall scheme of human nature, DOES NOT MATTER TO A HILL OF BEANS. But I just think that there is definitely a power struggle... their opinions against my feeling good about myself and being able to express how i feel and think... and I should not be made to feel stupid. Any ideas?

Oh boy do I understand this! Big time! I still have difficulty in seeing my loss. My counselor told me to have my picture taken with people I considered "thin" and compare. That helps alot. But I still look at my bigger clothes and think some things will fit. It is like I am emotionally attached to these things. Weird! But now my xl clothes are getting too big. I havent done any shopping since my trip and have no idea what size I am, but people fuss at me for wearing baggy clothes. Only my jeans fit (well, they are a little baggy now). Body dysmorphia seems to be quite normal. At least that is what they tell me. It takes a while for your brain to catch up with your body size. Melinda, I understand your dilemma too. I know when I was bigger, I wouldnt stand up for myself. And I am having a revolution of sorts. I think that is why people are more uncomfortable with me at work. Instead of letting them run all over me, I am fighting for my rights. They dont like it. They want to control me. And I am telling them all to bite my skinny ass! So I do understand that. It is time we let them know that we are human beings and deserve the same respect they expect and if they dont like it....tough doo doo!!!!!! Shew, it is awful early to get me stirred up!

On another note... my tail bone hurt last night... I was sitting up in bed working on the laptop... doing OH and BE posts... and so I reached back there, and OH MY GOD I could feel the tail bone! I swear I didn't even know that was possible. On the physical side... I look down and see my tummy pooching out... to me, it looks just as big and ugly on my smaller frame right now, than it did on my bigger frame back before surgery... And also, you guys are going to love this new lotion. I like this batch much much better than the first batch I made... Kym and Paula... and I can't wait to try yours Susan and compare... my lanolin was almost like bees wax.

My lanolin was like warm honey. Where did you get yours? Did it come in a tube, jar or bottle? I do love the lotion. My lower legs are no longer scaley and I've been using the lotion less than a week. I love how soft and supple my skin feels now.

I can definitely relate! My husband bought me a pretty chemise/nightgown... just because. He ordered it online. I personally am not much of a fan of ordering clothing online because they never seem to fit right regardless of what the size chart says... anyways, when he pulled it out... it looked SO incredibly small. I said, there is NO way I can get into that... and I said there is NO way that can be a 14/16 which is supposedly what he ordered. He told me to try it on anyways....and I'll be darned... it fit. It was a little tight and showed every roll I had, but it fit! But, I didn't feel like it would be comfortable enough for me to wear to sleep in so I gave it to my mother in law. She wears a 8/10 and it fit her like a glove!! So, in actuality, I got my previous size 30 a$$ in a 8/10 nightgown... I couldn't believe it. Also, I am constantly thinking I need to suck in my gut to squeeze in between things like clothing racks in a store or in between cars in a parking lot... when in reality land, I don't need to. My husband caught me doing this in walmart parking lot.... I sucked in my gut to squeeze in between some cars and he looked at me and busted out laughing. I'm so use to taking up so much space and mentally I just always thought of myself of just a blob taking up space...now I don't know how to think of myself.