Great news, I'm benign
Hi Little One, I can't get over how much you have changed just since your surgery. You may be little and young but you are so beautiful. Thank you Jacqueline, you are so sweet and wonderful. I wish I had a daughter. I picture her having your lovely heart. I know someday when you are ready to have a baby, she'll grace you with a beautiful smile and you will be hooked. I pray for you and your husband, your marriage, and that your future will hold such fantastic new things as you continue to grow. May you always be happy, have a dozen babies, and always cherish your family. This world needs more like you, Little One, you are so wise for one so young, that is what I love about you. May you always continue to grow and bloom. You were born for greatness and your name was given to you for the greatness that is yet to come. Thank you Little One so much.. Love Kathy
Hi Amiga, thank you. I praise him daily, that's the only want I can even get out of bed sometimes. The pain inside makes it difficult but I get up every day whether I am able or not. I get thru each day. Don't get me wrong, I love Jesus with all my heart and I don't question him as to why he allowed my body to be taken over with leukemia and the pain that comes with it. He has a reason, I just wish I knew what that reason is. I blame the devil for all this. He likes to cause trouble, my amiga. God is always having to clean up the devils mess. I'm glad He's a part of my life, otherwise I don't know what I would do.
I am facing a long and lonely rough road a head, so please keep praying for me. Please don't stop ever, I need them daily just to get thru the day. Thank you amiga, Love kathy
Thank you Teresa. I didn't realize just reading all these posts that I would get so emotional. As I told Maria, I praise God every day, there are times I don't even want to get up because of the pain where the bone marrow has cancer in it, like the blood and large bones. But God helps me get thru no matter what. I don't even want to think what my life would be like with God and his son, Jesus, in it. They are my light when the days are dark and gloomy. They are the ones that get me moving. Thank you so very much for your prayers, it says where two or more are gathered He will hear.
My favorite verse has always been Prov. 17:17 "A true friend loves at all times." This board has really come thru for me and everyone else. They are the true friends in our lives. Everyone on here understands the pain daily of what it's like to be obese. But unless someone has cancer or in my case a rare form of leukemia, no one can possibly understand the lonliness inside as there isn't even a support group for me in this area. I don't even have a support group for WLS, this board is my support group and I love each and every one on here. I cry inside because there is no cure, each day I wake up I put on a smile and know I am not alone, but Teresa, in many ways I am alone. If I'm not at the hospital, a dr.'s office, or being prodded, poked, or having needles going into me, then I am wrapped on the computer, researching and looking for someone who understands what I have to deal with every day. They don't understand what i feel like inside when I have to put on the latex gloves, a mask, and hand santitizer just so I don't get sick. A cold would put me in the hospital that quick as I have no immune system. The toll that the chemo pills have done to my hair, face, hands. It makes me look more like 60 instead of 53, until I had to go on Chemo, I didn't have a wrinkle, people didn't realize that I was in my fifties, with two grown sons one just turned 30 and the other just turned 28, with a 2 yr old son and a 4 yr son in that order of their own to raise. They see me know like a shriveled up person. I wanted to be the bowflex grandma, and it's all I can do at times is walk up the hill to the mailboxes just to get my mail. There are times I don't pick it up in the box for 2-3 days. Kym Brown sent me a book in the mail recently. I haven't even had a chance to start reading it. Every day I have an appointment with some Dr. or some nurse taking blood (every Thursday morning at the cancer center), or seeing a surgeon, or having more tests on me. I don't have a life otherwise. Makes for a very lonly life style.
My emotions are running high tonight, please forgive me. But this is what I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. The uncertainy of not knowing from one day to the next if I will be able to get up, or have hospice start coming. This leukemia is rare, they don't know a whole lot about it, how it will react, how long we will live, I am not in my twenties so I don't qualify for a bone marrow transplant. I know each day that I wake up is a blessing sent from God. But there are days I don't have the strength and have to crawl out of bed. They have me on Hydromorphone for the pain. They're 2 mg and I can take 2-4 at a time every 4 hours. I need to get it renewed as I just ran out tonight. I can't take any aspirin products or anything with Tylenol because it interacts with the chemo pills causing the chemo pills to be less effective. Teresa, this is so rare that less then 5000 get this type of Leukemia a year in the world, and about 5000 die a year just in the USA. I can't even rely on the possiblity of remission as I would still have to take the chemo pills. My oncologist says that basically that this leukemia really doesn't have a remission state, but as long as the blood stays in normal ranges it's considered controled. Mine aren't staying in normal ranges. Her Partner today says that yes CML can just into AML ( chronic myeloid leukemia what I have, Acute myeloid leukemia) is the one that shortens your life real fast. That's why they keep taking my blood to see if it has jumped to acute or just into the second phase of CML. Everytime they access my med port in my shoulder, they have to flu**** with a blood thinner. My blood has gotten so thinned out and with losing 150 lbs total, I stay cold. I go to the Emergency room and they have to put 4 blankets on me plus my coat on top of that just to try and get me warmed up. The same at the Cancer Center every Thursday, I have 3 blankets on me plus my winter coat on top of me from the waist up as I am so cold. I have lost most of my hair, my face and hands look like someone who's laying in a casket. That's how pale I am daily. Pictures of me can be seen, but I won't post them on the board, because of what the leukemia and chemo have done to me.
I need to go, 7:30 comes mighty early these days. Teresa, thanks for just taking the time to read all this. For letting me cry so to speak on your shoulder. I needed to be able to write what's on my mind that or go crazy. Take care of yourself and thank you sincerely for just letting me dump all this on you. Love you, Kathy
Thanks April, I appreciate it so much. I just wish they would find a cure for leukemia or that it would just magically leave me and disappear. I used to complain about my thick hair, but now it's so thin, frizzy, and nothing can be done to it, even my scalp gets cold when I'm outside. Between the surgery and the chemo pills, I've lost most of my hair. Hence why it's so important to get in your protein. Mine goes right to my kidneys and gets into my urine, it doesn't even have time to stop and feed my hair roots some protein before going to my kidneys. I have learned to not complain when my hair took an hour to blow dry, now it takes 2 minutes, and to be careful what you wish for. I always wished for thinner hair, now I wi**** was thick, that my natural wave and curl were back. So be sure to get in all the extra protein you can get into your system. I'm having to look at wigs and hats now. Every day is a bad hair day. Keep me in your prayers. I have a long rough road ahead of me. Love Kathy
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