Dropping in to say hi (oh and vent)

I posted a few weeks ago before my hysterectomy just to let some of the old timers know I was still alive. I had surgery 5 weeks ago this coming Tuesday and as usual it was weird. My intestines had scarred to the top of my uterus so it took the doc a lot longer time to get it free than expected. I've been at the GYNs at least once or twice a week since surgery as I have a knot which keeps filling up with fluid in the right side of my incision. It's been drained twice and cultured to see if its infectious. They are giving me mepergan for the pain as moving around, hitting bumps in the road, and sneezing are NOT fun. Problem is I don't think the GBS lets me absorb the meds the way I need to. I take 2 Mepergans and within 30 minutes or so I'm like "ohhhhhhhhhhh ok, this is better"; but, within an hour to an hour and a half, I'm back in as much pain as I was to begin with. I posted to the main board last night desperate at 2am in too much pain to sleep (mostly due to the cervical disc pain and neuralgia of the MS) and was directed to a recently published study on med absorption status post GBS. So I'm going to see the MS doc, the neurosurgoen and the neuro-opthalmologist tommorow and am going to sit down with my pharmacist Tuesday and find some darn regimen where I don't have to fight thoughts about suicide just due to the pain. Another issue is I had the GBS after a failed IVF attempt to get pregnant. This was before the MS diagnosis and all the pain problems. Even though the hysterectomy was necessary because I was hemorrhaging constantly, I still had to duck in the bathroom to cry at the GYN's because the waiting room was filled with happy couples and new mommys. You'd think they'ed have two waiting rooms; one for OB patients and one for GYN patients. I know I am fortunate to have four beautiful, healthy, happy children, but I wanted so badly to give my present hubby one. We're going to look into adoption when everything settles down, but I am still mourning the loss of my fertility. I haven't exercised in about a year since they removed the disc in my neck because I hurt all the time. I'm almost at my 2 year rebirthday mark (10/19/04 was my surgery date) and I've lost from 383 to as low as 201 weighing in at 223 today after yet another fricking round of high dose steroids. My hubby asked me if I was gaining weight back when they weighed me at the GYN's office Thursday and I almost went for his throat. He doesn't ever see anything but the woman he married as he never was bothered by my weight just wants me healthy, but I feel old and frumpy and saggy and baggy. Jeez, I think I had more self confidence when I was a size 28. Dont mind me; this is the only place I can vent where people understand. Hope you all are well and happy. Kathy, you always remain in my prayers, my friend. Good luck to those who are having or just had surgery and hang in there all of you old timers. Kelly

Hi Kelli, I am so sorry you are having to go thru all this. It seems like it never ends. I cry every night with my pain. Now having cancer in my breasts besides the leukemia I can surely understand your frustrations, and just wipe those suicide thoughts from your head. That won't help you any, just get you locked up, and your family would miss you. Have you tried MSM? It's a natural pain reliever, and you can take as many as you need to remove the pain. Just remember when you quit taking it, the pain will come back. MSM is a natural herb, it helps with allergies, diabeties, high blood pressure, pain. It does a lot, no wonder the Indians never got sic****il the white man brought in the diseases. I Have used it before, and it works great. I wish I could do more for you, honey, but the only thing I can do is pray for you. When you decide to go to the adoption office, don't tell them about your MS that's a sure sign to get denied. I wish you the best. You're in my heart and in my prayers. Love you, keep me posted. kathy

Kathy, I pray every night for you, too, sweetie. I read about your boyfriend's problems, as well. Where do I find more info on this MSM? Kel

Just type MSM on the search engine, or you can get it from the pharmacies, or at GNC. I've used it before and t really does'thelp. Love kathy

Hello Kelly. I know about some of what you are going thru. I am battling MS myself. Its such a hard road. I think the worst part is the "not knowing" whats going to happen next. My surgery date is planned so now I am just waiting till time. I really hope this surgery helps with some of my health conditions. Good luck to you and my prayers are with you.