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Topic: RE: What have I done to my child? - Looking or YOUR perspective
Thank you for responding. I figured that although she may hate my efforts now - it will only get harder socially for her as she gets older.
I hope your gastric bypass is all you hope it to be and that you get the results you are looking for. Be good to you - love you, and remember that you are still the same girl no matter what your size.
It is hard to wrap one's mind around the changes that occur after surgery -so keep a journal - or make sure you are staying connected at OH for support.
Thanks again - I will definately take your feedback to heart!
Much luck and love,
Shelley
Shelley J.
Clinton, MS
284.5/140
Topic: RE: What have I done to my child? - Looking or YOUR perspective
Thank you Joie!
I completely agree that there need to be more resources or our children stuggling with this issue.
Websites are fine, but where is the action oriented programs? Where is the interaction?
I have read others who went to "fat camp" and say it was a great experience, but what am I saying to my child if I send her there? I want a positive message about the inner self along with support for the habits that have developed in her short little life. She is 10 today (happy birthday baby) and it is such a horrible time to have questions of self worth and value based on societal determinations.
I am all for a support group of parents with obese children. I want to be the parent she needs. I want to learn how to be that person. Let me know what I can do to help- I need to talk to other parents going through the same situation. Now that my weight is under control - I see the difference it makes in how I am perceived. I don't want her to accept the shame that comes with obesity. She is a phenominal young woman and she should be respected - no matter what her size-as the person I see; smart, funny, compassionate, and powerful in this world.
Thanks for your response and I look forward to talking more.
Happy Holidays -
Shelley
Shelley J.
Clinton, MS
284.5/140
Topic: RE: denied because of age almost 16
Dear Kathy,
My daughter is 14, beautiful, bright, but she feels ugly, worthless and I had to keep her back a year in 7th grade because I couldn't get her to go to school. I ended up pulling her out of public school and she re-did her 7th grade year in a Charter program, she did attend 3 core classes in a classroom setting, the other courses were taught at home. This year, in her 8th grade session, I could barely get her to go because of the 3 core classes so I ended up pulling her out to be home schooled completely. I am not a teacher and I struggle like crazy to get her to even do assignments, she has no care anymore, feeling no self pride at all now. I am a single Mom working too, it is often more than I can bare. I feel so frightened for her because I know she is so smart and the world is at her finger tips if she could just find that confidence.
I know she needs to be in a support group of her peers, to lose weight. Are there any? No! I am going to see if I can get something going on my own after the 1st of the year, however I feel I am running low on my stretching abilities now! But who knows, it may all work out in the end, if she begins to lose some weight, becomes competitive with other kids also going through the same things and also trying to lose weight, she may gain some of that much needed self acceptance and acceptance from others like her, she may start caring more about life in general. Let's hope, Let's pray!
The Department of Managed Health Care will not touch a case unless you have filed a 30 day written grievance with you HMO. So I am glad to hear you are doing that, it will get the ball rolling or ... in your case, the heads flying!!
Thank you for getting back with me and please keep me posted!
Joie
Topic: RE: denied because of age almost 16
Hi Joie, We are sending in the first set of letters of appeal. So maybe they will do the trick. Thanks for the advice I will do everything and then some to get this for my daughter. I just picture some skinny old Dr that has never been fat putting the denial stamp on her file. They don't know who they are messing with lol. It is very stressful I can hardly get my daughter to go to school she is depressed as I would be.
Topic: RE: denied because of age almost 16
Hi Cathy,
If you have already filed your appeals with your HMO and they continue to deny, you do have an option at that point to file a grievance with the Department of Managed Health Care. They will look into it to see if your HMO has grounds for the denial, if they handled it properly, etc. They do have the power to push your HMO should they favor in your daughters medical needs. I don't know if they will or not, but it is worth a try if you have not done so already.
Many Blessings
Merry Christmas
Joie
Topic: RE: What have I done to my child? - Looking or YOUR perspective
It is so interesting to hear these stories, understanding that there are so many of us parents that battle such similar situations with our children. I often wonder, if it is not partly my own sympathies of pain, knowing how hard it is for my daughter struggling with the emotional issues of obesity, that my sympathetic behavior of wanting to protect her from name calling, protect her from pain, is also partly to blame for becoming an enabler.
Society does not accept fat, those are the facts! It hurts big time and we know how painful it is to be ridiculed, shunned, and treated as if our lives on this earth has no purpose, no value, no worth. The worst part of it all, we usually do buy into it and believe it to be true of ourselves. Buying into this big "FAT" lie, usually also plays a very detrimental role on the choices we make as children, teens and adults, often those choices being destructive both physically and emotionally. I will say this a thousand times and over again and over again, God does not make ugly, people do! There are so many ugly people walking this earth right now that have a perfect body, perfectly beautiful face per societies standards, but they are bodies with a very ugly soul!
We as parents that have experienced the pains of obesity, perhaps have a tendency to over shelter and protect. We want our children to know and understand they are so beautiful, regardless of what others say. We love them and know their value and worth, just as God values all of us, as we are! If we could only embrace who we are, love ourselves with acceptance, we are smart, we are kind, we are giving, we are good people! We are gifted, we are talented, we do have much to offer and much to contribute in our lives, regardless of our sizes! Maybe just maybe, if we understood who we were, embraced ourselves with love, we may find we care enough about ourselves to start making better choices because we finally believe we are worthy of being our best.
Part of the problem is ... where is the help in discovery? The media is loud to announce that childhood obesity is at an all time high and the major health risks are increasingly high! Our government is quick to put up web sites on obesity, causes of obesity, the food pyramids, talk on health and nutrition... all good stuff! But where is the help for the kids? Where are the support groups and weight loss centers designed specifically for children, teaching them not only good nutrition, but teaching them how to love themselves, accept themselves, embrace themselves regardless?
Weight Loss surgery or not, we still need to learn how to take steps to change our lifestyles, how to start seeing our beauty from the inside out! Perhaps by actually changing our eating behaviors, our purchasing behaviors, our cooking behaviors, we wont bring the junk into the house, creating the temptation and learning that saying NO, is really a good choice for a parent to make. Even that process of saying No, is something that we struggle with, because we don't want to our children to think their size matters in regards to their value! They are priceless, just as we all are, but we may be showing them they matter more to us by showing them that we care about their health.
Maybe it is time for us parents to start a support group of our own, together learning how to help our children by learning how to love them in a healthy way ... because we do love them so very much!
If you are interested in doing so, shoot me an email and let us begin!
Many Blessings!
Joie
Topic: RE: denied because of age almost 16
I have medcost. They never came out and said it was my age, but we knew it was. They told me that I didnt have enough medical diet history, which I had more then enough....Insurance can be so stupid!
*~*Jennifer*~*
God's Will done in God's time will never lack God's Supply!
Topic: RE: denied because of age almost 16
I hope we willl be able to cut through all this red tap. what insurance did you have did they just say you were to young?
Topic: RE: denied because of age almost 16
Sorry to hear that. I had the same problem. My insurance would not approve it until I was 18. I tried appeal letters twice but no luck. So, I dont have any help. I had to wait. Hope something will work out for her.
*~*Jennifer*~*
God's Will done in God's time will never lack God's Supply!
Topic: denied because of age almost 16
My daughter will be sixteen March 1 which is just around the corner. Pacific Care HMO sent a denial because of her age. Can anyone help out. Dr Higa her surgeon call and talked to the insurace Dr that denied Sabrina, the nurse said Higa got very angry about the call. We are now putting together letters to send. Higa is writing, I am writing, Sabrina Chiroprator is writing and i have a call into Sabrina's PCP. Maybe someone has a winning letter that I could use to help with my letter. It is so disappointing. My DH got his authorization and is scheduled for Jan 11. They were going to have wls hopefully on the same day so it has just made it that much harder for Sabrina to see her Dad getting his surgery without her. He needs it bad so we couldn't wait to see how long it will take for Sabrina to get approved.
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