I'm so afraid..

I have a meeting with my respirologist tomorrow for my sleep test results, and directly after I meet with my surgeon, possibly for a date. I am FREAKING OUT! I don't know how I feel, I just want to sit and cry and make everything happen, but I hate being so helpless. I'm so scared he won't give me a date because I haven't kept up with the excercise he wanted me to do. I have reasons for that, but I don't think he'll accept them...I have a really bad knee that he didn't take into consideration when he requested 200min/week of me, and every time I try to excercise I twist it painfully and I'm stuck limping for 2-3 days. Apart from that, I have burning heels and calves, severe back pain, and abnormal nausea from my bc pills for pcos. I don't know what to do. I need this so badly, I've been so depressed all week and I can't stop thinking that he's going to send me out of there and tell me to wait a few more months. I took this semester off of school because it was too painful to make it to class and I couldn't focus on my studies. I was always tired, always in pain, always getting hurt or missing class for appointments, or just because I was in too much pain to get out of bed in the morning. I want to go back, but I don't think I can until I get my weight managed. I want to do something because this is literally killing me. I try not to show how agitated or depressed I am, but this is all I can think about. I've been neglecting everything because all I want to do is sleep time away until I find out. I desperately need help, but I don't know where to start. All I can do at the moment is sit and wait for something amazing to happen, and it's tearing me up because I'm so scared everything I've been hopeful for is going to blow up in my face. I've been obsessing with this site lately...looking at all the pre/post-op pics, wishing for this or that. I feel like I haven't lived yet..that I won't until I'm happy with myself... Ugh I'm going crazy...I'm sorry for venting like this, I just didn't know where else to go or what to do...if you made it this far, thanks...I'm really a lot less paranoid on my better days.. Aleya

hey, its okay to vent, to feel all this stress, this is alot that your going through! There were nights that i would lay in bed till all hours of the mornin thinking about how i was helpless, not being able to change a thing, which isnt me, i would cry... there are days still now as a post op, that the stress of everything gets to me and i cry, but all is good. Its normal to feel this way, its alot to handle, specially at our young age, weve never really had to handle somethign like this before. now, i know exactly how you feel about the dr and the exercise, be honest with him, he knows all your medical problems, hes there to push you, my physical therapist said that ussually when they say 200 mins, he would be happy if you made anywhere from 100-150 mins, they tell you a higher number because they know alotta the time you will not hit the number they give you, its hman nature. For example, my doc said he wants me to do 40 laps around my house a day...RIGHT AFTER SURGERY! i was flipped out hardcore, i had a hardtime getting in 20, but if he said that he only wanted me to do 20, i probably would have barely gotten in 10, so dont stress...just be honest with your dr, tell him about your aches and pains... he'll understand. BUT also, realize that after surgery, your gunna have the pains from before surgery plus the pains from surgery, so them ore you can push yourself now...the bettter, i know it sounds weird and stupid, but as a newbie post op, im telling you it really does work. Just know the diff between normal pain and like OMG I GOTTA CALL THE DOC pain. also make lil goals for yorself, say if your only making 50 mins of exercise now... say next week your gunna make 75...thats an added 2 mins a day, im sure you can do it, just keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel.