Obesity and Stepchildren

I am just coming to this board because of my step daughter.  I am having VSG on Nov 29th and as soon as I told my mother in law (her grandmother) she asked me if I had talked to her about it yet.  She is going to be 15 in a week and wears a women's 24.  I am not sure how much she weighs and this is sensitive since I am the step parent.  We have a great relationship (I married her dad when she was 4) and talk about weight issues together but I don't feel like I can push too much.  My DH's family has so many health issues that I worry (type 2 diabetes, cancer, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, Colan cancer) that I really worry about her.  she has developed asthma and is on both steroids and an inhaler to control it.  She is aware of her weight issue and "diets" off an on.  Her mom went with her to a couple of weight loss programs (they are both overweight although the daughter is now larger)  but nothing is really working.  I am at a total loss as of what to do.  I want to help her.  I was thin as a teen and high school is hard enough then.  I can not even begin to imagine it that overweight.  Any advice will be appreciated.

I can totally relate to you. I have a great relationship with my step son also, and have been with his dad since he was almost 5.   My step son is 10 years old and weighs 166 lbs.  When we had him for our 6 week summer visit he lost 14lbs due to the new eating habits since I was banded the week before his visit started.  When we got him this past weekend we weighed him and he is back to where he started from during our 6 week summer visit.  It is very discouraging when we work so hard to help him out and then when he goes back to his moms the weight just piles back on.  His mother had the Bypass in 2006 and you would think she would want to help him get healthy.  My husband talked to her about the situation and she said she didnt know what the problem was, but my step son told me & his dad that mom doesnt cook much anymore so we eat at KFC, Western Sizzlin and other food places.  Its just so upsetting to see my step son headed down the same road that his mother and myself were on as children, I want better for him, and just wished that she would also.  Im not saying she doesnt care, but there needs to be more effort on her part of cooking him a healthy supper & going to the park to play in order to get him exercise without making it dreadful for him since he is only 10.  I wished we lived closer to him, so if nothing else we could pick him up and take him to play but they live over an hour away. 

Obviously I don't know your situation but there are a few things you can do that will help your stepdaughter. One, tell her about this website and how it's helped you. You may not want to tell her that she needs to be a member because of her weight, but show her around the site and the message boards so that she will get interested and look for herself. Knowledge is the most important tool you can give your children (or stepchildren for that matter).

Another thing you can do is talk to your DH (idk if he's overweight or not) and start to model healthy behaviors and not just while she's there. Go for walks (either indoors or outdoors), eat healthier, and so on. If she sees her dad and you do that and she sees that it's having an effect on your weight and how you feel, she will be more apt to try it out.

Open the lines of communication between yourself and your teen. Having her be able to come to you and talk to you about her problems can open doors for you that you would not imagine, especially if she trusts you. If you already talk about weight issues, that's a great first step. Talk to her about the dangers of "dieting" and how it can actually lead to regaining lost weight and gaining even more weight than she had lost before. Be an advocate for her.

I have a good relationship with my step daughter, she is now 20 and I married her Dad when she was 7.  We had difficult years of course, but now that she is grown and married and a step mom herself she has discovered a whole new appreciation for things.

She is overweight and we have discussed her having WLS.  Her dad had a band a year ago and I am in the process of having one done this year, I hope.  She has weight issues and health issues on both her Mom and Dad's sides and has put on quite abit of weight since she has been with her now husband. 

Open communication is the key.  You are not telling her she is fat, you are telling her you are concerned about her health and you love her.  Let her ask all the questions she needs to.

Best of luck

Debbie