HELP!! I feel my 16 yr old is out of control....

My 16 year old is out of control with his eating....I don't know what to do.  I had the surgery and I really don't want that to happen for him.  I have told him no eating after 9...he sneaks.  I don't bring things in the house that are bad but he works at McDonalds and eats there and makes his own money and spends it on the food that I don't allow in the house when he is out with his friends.  Or buys it and sneaks it in his room.  I have talked to him throughly about what runs in the family health history such as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke and back problems.  I looked into "fat camps"  and sorry but I don't have thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars...since our insurance covers nothing for weight problems.  Please if anyone has any suggestions on what to do....I am all ears.  

Hi angela,
You have identified a very common problem in our society today! The first issue is whether your son sees his weight gain as a problem. Until he does, your frustration and planning for getting him help are going to be fruitless.

You are only 2h from us in Cincinnati. We have one of the best NONSURGICAL programs for teen weight management in the country. Of course, we have a surgical option here as well, but I certainly hear you about the need to start with something like our HealthWorks program first and foremost. Look at the info on our website and make some calls, but only after he is engaged.

Here is the link: http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/svc/alpha/h/heart/clinical/healthworks/default.htm

best wishes,
tom inge

Honestly Angela it sounds just like my mother and I, she had the surgery back in 1996 and lost over 150 pounds and here I am right now in 2008 with a drain in me having just had the surgery last tuesday at 400 pounds, and thats after losing at least 40 pounds. (no scale would weigh me until my bariatric surgeon's and that was after a few months diet.) I know you dont want him to have the surgery but I would advise you to be open to letting him look into it, especialy if insurance would cover it. Honestly having the surgeyr laproscopically made it very tolerable, I havent found myself needing pain meds for days!

The bottom line though is that he will only make a change when he feels the need to so all you can do is be supportive. Best of luck to you and your family!

HI angela,

I totally understand where you are coming from.... on the opposite end of the spectrum.
Ive had an obesity problem since I have been 5 years old, and i think it is due to stress and emotional eating.  I am 26 years old now ond concidering WLS now for myself.
When I was 11 my mom took me to weig****chers, to dr's to everyone over the years but a " fat camp "
I had no success, just felt I was being punished.  I didnt realize I was an emotional eater until now.
When I was 20 I even had a consult for a lap band procedure and the Psch told me she would never approve me because I was a stress eater and ould fail the plan.... I never had the surgery... chickened out even metting with the surgeon a 2nd time.

Now that im 26 I am going to seek couciling to go hand and hnd , someone who needs to help me deal with the underlying causes of my obesity and why I eat... theres much childhood pain that likes to surface very often and 2 long term relationships have told me that. ( hard to see yourself , or admit it )

I want to change for my health, not for appearence, when a turned 25 seemed like my health declined rapidly and until that point nothing mattered... weight issues before that were merely cosmetic.  Last August I lay in a hospital bed crying to myself telling myself I would change because I would not live like this, and one year here I am only 5 pounds lighter and its time for a change.

My suggestion?  I would take him to a therapist.  Take him to someone who he can talk to that will try and deal with hhis emotions and why he eats, not ness a therapist who deals with food related issues. 

If I would have known therapy would have helped me as much as it has, I would have accepted the gift years and years ago.

I wish you luck with your son

Warm regards,

Alex

Angela,
Telling your son that he cannot eat "bad" food is only going to make it worse.
You need to explain to him that he can enjoy the foods he loves, but in moderation.
Eating is an addiction, and the fact that he is sneaking around just to eat what he wants proves that he is slave to food.
You trying to control him, and tell him what he can and can't eat is only going to make him want to eat it more, and more of it.

Children and especially teens have a very simple mantality, if they are told they can't do something, then that's all they want to do, thier nature is to be defiant.

So make some comp. with him, and let him know (even if you don't mean it) That "this is your life, and i understand that, and maybe i need to let you make your own mistakes"

Just love him, and that's the best you can do, he is not going to change anything until he feels the need, so you have to let him hit rock bottom.

Good luck, and i hope this helps you


-Tatem K