I'm SO FRUSTRATED!

I just had surgery and I know I'm not the best roll model. But since having this surgery I've been having conversations with my daughter about eating healthy. She is twelve and for several years we have been trying to cut out the things we think are making her heavy. I work very hard at this. I cook light meals and do my best to keep the junk out of the house. I do have 1 to 2 boxes of snacks (as low fat as I can find) They are instructed to only to bring to school to have at snack recess.

Well DD talks about how she wants to eat healthy and is doing her best. I just went upstairs to clean out her room and there is a box worth of granola bar, candy, and snack wrappers in her room. Spoons which she had peanut butter. To add to it I could tell she was gaining weight and wearing the same pants over and over again. I had her try on her old pants and she has grown out of all of them. My daughter is twelve and will now be going into a size twelve pant and adult XL shirt. She is maybe 5 feet tall. I don't know what she weights because she has been confronted with these wrappers and feels ashamed enough. I won't make her get on the scale now. She was 140 a year ago so my guess is that she is well over 150

I have been trying so hard to be delicate with her. She does not see her own self as heavy until something like this happens. I am at a loss of what to do. I've told her that she is not eating because she is hungry and we need a counselor. She doesn't want that but she needs something

What do I do? I could just cry.

I know it can be hard. I have been in her position for most of my life. I just had gastric bypass in November. I have been on and off diets since I was in 5th grade. I know when I got discouraged about my weight I would end up eating more. I know my mom and me both tired to eat healthy, but it has to be up to her to change. I had a lot of health problems have also contributed to my weight gain. Maybe try to write out meals for her to go by. Dont call it dieting! Make it fun, let her help cook and stuff like that. Sorry, I dont have much to say to help. Let me know if i can help in any way!

I don't want to put her on a diet either since I had my first diet at 6th grade and we all know how that turned out. It's breaking my heart because I know what I went through and it's going to be the same for her. But too much restriction on whatshe eats will make it worse. She needs to want this too, and actively participate.



We had a sit down. She said that she needs some treats and she has been feeling deprived. So this is what we are going to try for one month.

Breakfast (with a protein source and some carbs)

One snack for snack recess

Lunch (healthy and not a school lunch cause they suck)

after school snack fruit, yogurt or sliced veggies

Dinner

Before 7:00 p.m. she can have a skinny cow ice cream sandwich.

I'm going to have healthy dinners which I've been learning to cook for the last few years.

No other snacking or grazing. We will see how that works.



I am still going to do some work on looking for a counselor. I think there are a lot of stresses on kids that they need to learn how to deal with.

I totally feel for you!  I was 270 pounds when I was 12, and I plan on getting the DS this year to fix my problem.  I am only 19 and I already weigh 454 pounds.  I blame it mostly on my parents until I was about 16, and could drive and had a job to buy my own food. I personally think you are doing the correct thing by giving her a laid out plan of what she is eating.  I would have loved for my parents to have given me this kind of guidance with what went down my mouth.  I think it is a good idea that she can have daily healthy treats with her dinner.   What I would do is find out what food she likes.  It can good for you, but not be so bland and unfilling.  Like in the morning for example make her like a vegatable omelet and some wheat toast.  She is getting her protein and veggies and a some carbs to give her some energy for the morning.  Give her some water, skim milk, or 100% juice to drink (try to stay away from the juice ocassionally though).  For lunch make her a turnkey sandwhich on wheat bread with some veggies, reduced fat cheese and some light mircale whip (I swear she wont even be able to tell the diffrence) and maybe a bag of sun chips (ocassionally) or some veggies with lowfat rance, or some aplles with carmel dip, and some milk or water to drink.  And for dinner, make her some grilled chicken and veggies, or a healthy sandwhich or something (I have always found that dinner is the hardest time to eat healthy for me)  And she can have her dessert then. One she mainly needs to do is try her hardest to give up the snacking.  But try to make changes in small feats.  If she wont eat broccoli, try broccoli and cheese.  Try a piece of celary with that peanut butter, if she doesn't  eat salad without loads of ranch, let her do it!  At least she will make smaller changes to better herself.   None of this will happen overnight, I know it and you do, but if she likes trats, go ahead and make healthy treat choices.  And let her indulge ocassionally in what she likes.

Thank you so much Brok. Hearing this from a younger person helps me stay in touch with what she may need.

Little changes with treats that are low fats will allow her to be more successful in the long run. I believe we can find some happy medium for her.

I have talked to her the last few days and she really wants to help herself. It was so embarrassing be confronted but she needed to face facts. She is strong and I believe she will get through this. She many not ever be supper skinny but who cares that is not important. She needs to be healthy.

I totally agree with Brok. I think having a set plan for her meals is a good idea. Also, I think another way to help her out in being healthy, is to take part in the changes-- like eat the good meals with her, have the good snacks with her, and maybe try exercising with her. Having a nice routine or making time to do these healthy beneficial things together will definitely pay off. It's always good to have an active parent take the steps with you.

Hi again. I just remembered that you could care less if your daughter is super skinny, but you wanted her to be HEALTHY. Well I just wanted to show you this story (I bookmarked while at work ) to remind you that obesity is an epidemic, and therefore the only way to HELP COMBAT that is through exercise and healthy eating. The teaming up of an active lifestyle and a healthy diet CAN BE an ideal initiative to fight childhood obesity and improve the health. Plus I just like the idea of a mother and daughter in it together-- taking every step of the way...