Giving up hope
Post Date: 2/16/08 7:08 pm
Im slowly but surely begining to give up faith about this whole lap band or gastric bypass. I mean who is really gonna help me. No one wants to help me and I might as well give it up. I thought that when I did the TLC documentary "To young to be so fat" That someone who see it and want to help me. But nothing. Except I got my family and family friends feeling sorry for me because of my mothers actions and neglect. Not that I need her Im so use to her not being there that I would rather her be gone then here. Maybe one day she will realize that she needs me but when that happens it will be to late I will be gone and hopefully in college. Everytime I go to my aunt Yvettes and Aunt Erica its like they feel its necessary to appoligize to me for my mother. " Oh Corina Im sorry you have such a witch 4 a mother" and " I wish that she could see how she really is" and "Unless she gets professional help she will always be the same" Which Is exactly what I got to day from Erica and Yvette. I love them so much they are as close as I get to having a real mother. Yvette told me that when she was big (Before she had the lap band and lost all her weight) She never thought she looked as big as she was because she siked herself into thinking that she wasnt that big. She said thats exactly whats happening here that my mom is siking herself into thinking she is a good mother and because she gets us all that we want... Correction I never ask her for anything... the only thing I ask of her is my phone which is the only thing I have for myself. Something I dont share with my sister or anyone else. But Erica told me that My sisters dad called her after he saw the show and they talked for about an hour. She said he was worried about me. Which was a big shocker to me because isreal never realy seemed like he cared about me. But I guess. He suggested to Erica that maybe Sophia should move in with him and He continue to give my mom the child support for sophia so maybe she could send me to one of those camps like Academy of the seirras. I dont like this I dont like people talking about me behind my back. Which Im sure most of my family does no Im more then sure Im 100% positive wether it be my aunts my grandma and now my sisters dad someone who has no relation to me. I dont like it at all. But How was everyones Valentines day mine was sucky I got called a b*t*h by my mother way to tell your first born that you love her. But It started by me getting after my mom for going to dinner and a movie with her boyfriend and her not getting sophia anything to eat. So I texted her and told her before she goes to the movie she needs to bring sophia something to eat and she replyed by saying that I needed to make her something. I replyed and said that while she's out eating a fancy meal and going to a movie she could have got her something. She replyed and said I needed to get my ass up and make her something I simply replyed and said Whatever she then replyed and said I needed to quit acting like a ***** I didnt reply. I swear that woman is Bi-Polar she has split personality. She's so Nice and caring infront of people and wants to do everything for everyone else but with her children its such a big deal to do a damn thing for us. I just want a different life I think I deserve that much... Dont I ?
Im slowly but surely begining to give up faith about this whole lap band or gastric bypass. I mean who is really gonna help me. No one wants to help me and I might as well give it up. I thought that when I did the TLC documentary "To young to be so fat" That someone who see it and want to help me. But nothing. Except I got my family and family friends feeling sorry for me because of my mothers actions and neglect. Not that I need her Im so use to her not being there that I would rather her be gone then here. Maybe one day she will realize that she needs me but when that happens it will be to late I will be gone and hopefully in college. Everytime I go to my aunt Yvettes and Aunt Erica its like they feel its necessary to appoligize to me for my mother. " Oh Corina Im sorry you have such a witch 4 a mother" and " I wish that she could see how she really is" and "Unless she gets professional help she will always be the same" Which Is exactly what I got to day from Erica and Yvette. I love them so much they are as close as I get to having a real mother. Yvette told me that when she was big (Before she had the lap band and lost all her weight) She never thought she looked as big as she was because she siked herself into thinking that she wasnt that big. She said thats exactly whats happening here that my mom is siking herself into thinking she is a good mother and because she gets us all that we want... Correction I never ask her for anything... the only thing I ask of her is my phone which is the only thing I have for myself. Something I dont share with my sister or anyone else. But Erica told me that My sisters dad called her after he saw the show and they talked for about an hour. She said he was worried about me. Which was a big shocker to me because isreal never realy seemed like he cared about me. But I guess. He suggested to Erica that maybe Sophia should move in with him and He continue to give my mom the child support for sophia so maybe she could send me to one of those camps like Academy of the seirras. I dont like this I dont like people talking about me behind my back. Which Im sure most of my family does no Im more then sure Im 100% positive wether it be my aunts my grandma and now my sisters dad someone who has no relation to me. I dont like it at all. But How was everyones Valentines day mine was sucky I got called a b*t*h by my mother way to tell your first born that you love her. But It started by me getting after my mom for going to dinner and a movie with her boyfriend and her not getting sophia anything to eat. So I texted her and told her before she goes to the movie she needs to bring sophia something to eat and she replyed by saying that I needed to make her something. I replyed and said that while she's out eating a fancy meal and going to a movie she could have got her something. She replyed and said I needed to get my ass up and make her something I simply replyed and said Whatever she then replyed and said I needed to quit acting like a ***** I didnt reply. I swear that woman is Bi-Polar she has split personality. She's so Nice and caring infront of people and wants to do everything for everyone else but with her children its such a big deal to do a damn thing for us. I just want a different life I think I deserve that much... Dont I ?
- In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself, and the limit of your self abuse is exactly the limit of abuse that you will tolerate from someone else.
Hey I just saw that TLC documentary not too long ago. Not to be ugly, but I thought your mom acted like a complete (insert bad name) to you on the show. But I don't think you just need liposuction though. You want the weight to come off naturally not by someone sucking it out. I really hope you can find someone to do the surgery for you. I had the gastric bypass done and I'm loving it. Sorry, I don't want to upset you or anything, but I do wish you well with your struggle and I hope you and your mom will be able to repair the damage.
GOOD LUCK!!
I have to say that I AM Bi-polar, and I don't act like that with my kids. I know that you are angry with your mom, and I'm sure that you have your reasons, but accusing her of a serious mental illness is not the answer. She may have a mental health issue, but saying something like that will just offend some people (besides, people with bi-polar do NOT have split personalities). I did not see the show, but I do have an over-weight child of my own and I am waiting for WLS myself.
I think that trying to keep a positive attitude is the most important thing here. Right now it sounds like you are very worried about what other people are saying/thinking about you. PLEASE, don't let that affect you. I'm sure that you have many positive qualities, we all do. Try to focus on those and also build a support group around you. Be with people that are good to you and supportive. Doesn't sound like you need ANYMORE negativity in your life.
I hope that you are able to find the solution. In the meantime, eat healthy, try to exercise and stay positive. You are the only one that has to be happy with what you see in the mirror.
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