My 9yo is almost 100lbs overweight

This is a cross post from the duodenal switch board.   Just found this forum. ------------------ I took my son to the dr for a stomach virus he had.  We spent most of the appointment addressing his weight instead of the virus.  She went through the whole diet, exercise, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc and every other disease that obesity causes.  He just turned 9 in July and weighs 184 pounds.  He should weigh about 89 pounds.  He weighed 175 5 months ago.   Believe me, I have dealt with this since he was about 3 years old.  Every doctor tells me the same thing over and over and over again.  He's been to the Texas Children's Hospital to visit the clinic for obesity and we met with a dietitian and exercise person and a counselor.  Even his dermatologist went through the whole scenario with me last year.  I have heard this for years and doing the diet and exercise with a 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and now 9 year old is the hardest thing in the world.  It is hard enough for an adult to comply and be self-disciplined, much less a child!  You can't rationalize with them because they don't have the ability to understand the consequences of their weight.  He is so sensitive about his weight.  If I mention anything about weight or eating "healthy" he starts crying and tells me that I am mean because he says I don't care that I'm hurting his feelings.  When we met with a gastrointerologist during the summer, my son cried during the whole appointment because we were talking about his weight.  I know there are geniune concerns and I am in no way minimizing any of this, but sometimes I just feel like it's my fault.  I can't begin to tell you the struggles we've gone through.  Now he's gotten to the point where he sneaks food and buries his evidence deep in the trash because he knows I will say something to him.  It's gotten to the point where I dread taking him to any doctor.  I just want to tell them, don't you think I know my son is fat and that I could teach a course on diet and nutrition and be the first example of what obesity does to your health??   But you know, there was just something different about today's visit.  When the pediatrician told me that my son was 100 pounds overweight it took everything to keep from crying.  I have seen him get bigger and bigger and I do worry for his future and his health to no end, but when you see it everyday it's hard to comprehend the gravity of it all.  It hit me hard today.  Part of me wants to protect him even more because he reminds me of the childhood I had.   When I see him play with his friends I have to remind myself that they are the sizes he should be.  He just seems so much older than all of them yet he's just a little kid and acts just as silly as they do. I guess this is sitting heavy with me today which is why I'm writing about it.  I just feel so helpless.  Why did he have to take after me???  We have a long road ahead.  Years even.  I have a nephew who weighed 300 pounds at 15.  That was my biggest fear for my son when his weight was sky rocketing as a toddler.  I was sure he was suffering from that illness where people just don't feel the sensation of fullness.  That's him.  Seeing a child going through the struggles of obesity has been an eye opening experience.  It makes me hate the disease even more.  It has attacked me and my family, and now my child.  We've done nothing to deserve this, especially my son. Thanks for listening, Melissa DS - 7/3/06 227/157 - 5'

Hi Melissa, I have a 12 year old who is overweight also.  We just went for wrestling weigh-ins and he weighed between 130 - 136 lbs. (on three different days).  He has been wrestling for five years, this will be his sixth season.  The past years have been in a recreational league, and this will be the first time wrestling with a school team.

I'm afraid for him because he is only in the seventh grade.  The weight class he's in will put him up against kids who are older (up to ninth grade) and much stronger.  As long as he's been wrestling, he just isn't very good.  He loves it though.  When he comes to the mat, because he's big - people expect him to be a powerhouse or something, but his size goes against him and he gets pinned alot.  I feel so bad for him.  I am not even sure how much kids his age are supposed to weigh but I know it's not what he's at.

I didn't have a weight problem until I was a teenager (maybe 15 or even later) so for him to be starting by 12 worries me.  He is at an age where he is going to start getting teased (though I've been told with boys it isn't as bad - boys can be "big" but girls are just called "fat" and that stinks).  I'm not sure about what to do - other than the usual "eat right, exercise more" routine.

You had your DS surgery, right?  That's what I'm going for - if the insurance company approves.  It's looking good I think - I'm hoping to hear this week sometime.

Please, write when you can.

Lisa

Hi Melissa, Please understand that I understand how hard being an overweight child is. I was overweight and snuck food and ate it, lots of it. I was teased and just felt awful about myself. It was a vicious cycle. I was upset because I was and ate because I was upset.  Kids are cruel and it only gets worse as he gets older. But...Your son does not buy the food at your house. You are in control. FF foods and SF foods have come a long way since we were kids. There are plenty of heathy options you could buy and keep at your house.  It will be easy, but neither is living your life as a overweight kid or adult.   Please stand firm. You will be saving your sons life.

as a former overweight child let me tell you, u r so in control of what is in your house. My mom felt the same way and ppl always said oh you'll grow out of it or its just baby fat...seriously though i weighed 160 LBS in 5th grade! but always in my house was chocolate and ice cream and cookies etc.. i didnt have a job so i couldnt go buy extra foods so all i had was what was in the cupboards and fridge. I wish so bad that she woud have just taken the time to shop better and put me in sports and all that. I was the same as your son, i would get so hurt if anyone said ANYTHING about my weight. I never went to the doc cuz i would almost go into a panic attack thinking baout being weighed. I remember when i was about 6 or 7 and i weighed myself and i asked my grandma if 110 pounds was good. She about fell out. I know its hard and he will give you so much resistence at first but please please work through it and trust me in a couple of years he will hank you for it. If you feel this bad now just think of how horrible you would feel if he got diabetes or something else horrible due to his obesity. well good luck and lots of hugs.

I have a 12 year old daughter that weighs 180.  I try to say that a majority of it is muscle, which some is, but most of it is because she eats and eats.  I had a lapband put in a year ago and I have seen her grow since then.  I was heavy as a kid and she is following in my footsteps.  It scares me.  I see her suffering the same as I did.  Reading what you all wrote has made an impact on me.  I will try harder to help her make better eating decisions and exercise more.

Thanks!
Maggi

My son would eat whatever was in the house - so we shop daily now.  I knew we had to switch when I found he was eating noodles and butter after school...

Now that there is no food in the house he does not over eat.  It has been good for me too.  I stop on my way home every night and purchase a half dozen eggs and 2 bagels and 4 slices of cheddar cheese for the next mornings breakfast or maybe a container of yogurt and some bananas.  I also purchase whatever is for dinner that night...  usually chicken breast and a vegetable.  There are no leftovers, there is no extra food in the house.  It is helping us all become thinner. I know full well that kids who have a compulsion to eat will do it if they can.  I certinally did and I see my son did it too. Now he knows how to read labels and make good choices at the store and he is forced to do something besides eat when he is bored after school. Good luck

My 13 yr old daughter is about 5'10 and weighs around 270. She is a very big girl height and weight wise, but she has been losing weight on her own.I am trying very hard to help any way I can, but it takes time.I am proud of her and she is a great kid.We are working together to make our home more healthy.I am proud of the fact that she has cut her portions down all on her own.Keep trying out there.

I worry about my kids too. My daughter is 12 and overweight. It is a complex problem. If you focus to much on it her self esteem will suffer. I have opted to do baby steps.

I don't bring in bad food in the house -
healthy snacks after school (yogurt, fruit)
healthy meals - basically what I have
Treats are skinny cows ice cream, sf Popsicles, sf lifesaver and no more than one treat a day. Soda is a treat.

I think they have to have some good things once in a while so they don't feel deprived but I try my best to make them a good alternative.

After school they have homework, read for 20 minutes and then they can choose 20 minutes on the treadmill or go for a walk, bike ride etc. This is a must before any TV, video game or computer is turned on. Actually a new rule in my house is no TV until dark. Weekends TV is off between 10-5 unless it's a really yucky day outside.

I have slowly introduced this regiment adding things and taking foods out over the course of a year. We are still learning. My goal is to keep them at the weight they are and let them grow into it.

Best of luck to all. It's heart breaking to watch your kids go through this.

I am just amazed how disciplined some of you are.  Keeping stuff out of the house, no TV, etc.  The hard part of keeping all bad stuff out of the house is that my daughter (17) is not overweight  (yet) and she likes to have snacks for school and work.  No sugar snacks, but cheeze nips, etc.  I try to keep up on how much we have and if they are disappearing.  I hate having to play food police with my son.  My mom used to do it to me all the time so I had to be extra discreet so she wouldn't find out.  I always make sure I have fruit and yogurt and light stuff too for him to eat, but he just doesn't seem to ever get satisfied.  I know I have a long road ahead of me and I hope that things will get better. 

botton line my fair lady dont give up on him..  everyday must be different however I wouldn't take it all away from him.  Try ok you want a cookie lets eat some cookies and walk to the park and play for a couple of hours.  He needs to move more then he is eating.